Weight update

I haven't been talking about the eating thing for a while. Weight is stubbornly staying under 50 kg, it's been at 49 kg for some weeks now. Last week might have been a plateau because although I was eating more than ever, it was all veggie and I was on a fairly rigorous exercise routine... I'm honestly thinking vegetarian diet might not be right for me, no matter how good it feels. Here's some more honesty for you: I think my belly looks soft and round, and I prefer the way it looks few kilos down. I'm not unsatisfied about how I look as such, just an observation.

I have a month until the con, and doesn't look like I'll be able to reach 52 kg by then. It makes things more complicated, and especially under these circumstances I hate to be the one that has all the responsibility for others... I'll be the designated driver because half of our party doesn't have a license and the other half is unwilling... Luckily they are also the most understanding people on earth - still, leave it up to me to make problems for myself when they don't exist.

Eating is just... a chore. Boring, unpleasant, at times difficult... and yes, sometimes impossible.

To keep up with the routine I build up at the retreat I've set my alarm to ring half an hour earlier and have started a meditation practice. It's not much yet, but quiet me-time without hurry or pressure feels really nice.

Back

Last few days of the retreat I was actually able to detach myself from the internet, go me.

Coming back on Sunday was a bit of a culture shock... So many people in the city, and they all look so different. It was weird, I always thought West End was really relaxed and full of nice genuine people... walking down Denman to get lunch on Sunday was unpleasant as the street were full of people in hurry, and everyone looked so, well, artificial. Just proves that it's all relative.

Anyway, the photos of the retreat are all up now, go and check them out if you're interested.

One of the most concrete things I've been trying to keep is the pace. I noticed it the moment I stepped outside, my normal walking pace is much faster than it was back on the mountains. Am I really in so much hurry? I've tried slowing down and I can do it, only it's started raining again which makes it slightly less comfortable. On my first day back at work I had four meetings... four, and I never normally have any. One of them was my yearly review which went extremely well. I don't honestly feel like I'm worth all that praise.

So yeah, I'm definitely experiencing the post-retreat low here. Hopefully it'll just pass in couple of days.

Tired Dragon

There never seems to be a good time to take time off, since the pace of work in games industry is so relentless, but I bit the bullet and booked a week off. It is a funny thing, but you really do not realize how tired you are before you take a vacation, and actually surprise yourself by sleeping around the clock.

Vancouver is beautiful in its glorious summer heat, it is truly one of the best places in the world. Vancouverites are out in force, rollerskating, biking, hiking, walking running, and jogging all over the place. The city is filled with ice cream, juice, summer berries, pina coladas, bikinis, beaches, tanned people and music.

I should take time off more often.

Hot

Wow it's hot. I looked at the temperature in the pavilion before we left for dinner, and it was showing 32 C - then I went out and it was actually hotter out there. Even when we're at the mountains there's hardly any breeze, it's pretty gorgeous.

I love the noble silence we preserve in the mornings. I don't think most people would have anything intelligent to say anyway, and it just cuts off unnecessary chitchat... we make our way to the pavilion, then proceed with the meditation and pranayama, and practice. And even having breakfast in silence is fantastic... most of the stuff that I feel like saying is "wow, you took lot of that bread" or "I'm starving". Idle, eh?

Food is the big topic, no doubt. Even when we're eating, we're just talking about food... the food we're eating, food we've eaten, food we should be eating, food we shouldn't be eating. Starbucks... we talk about Starbucks a lot. There is coffee available, and people take a cup in the morning - but maybe it's one of those familiar and common things that strangers talk can about. We talk surprisingly little about yoga. With my teacher gang yoga is almost all we talk about - maybe here our free time is so consumed by yoga that we don't have the urge to talk about it over dinner too.

Me and couple of other people also took a tour of with the estate manager Ron this afternoon - Ron showed us some of the sustainability part of the retreat center, mainly we had the time to see the energy production that they have going on. They take water from two springs further up on the mountain, and use it to produce pretty much all the energy that they need - and we have all the modern amenities including hot running water and lights, there is a washing machine but no dishwasher (that's one of the ways they can easily conserve power and water by using manpower). It was very interesting, later on in the week Ron promised to show us the recycling and sanitation facilities they have.

Warm and nice

Weather is improving, and so is my mood. Yesterday I was cold and tired and miserable, today I'm feeling more energized, warm and generally happier... probably partly all due to my body and mind both getting used to the environment and change.

It occurs to me that this is the first time in my life I've ever done something like this. I've never been on a holiday on my own, and this might even been the longest time me and Dragon have ever been apart - and it was exactly ten years ago last Saturday that I moved to England to be with him. Yet it doesn't feel strange, maybe that's not a surprise to the dear reader, but I'm surprised at myself.

Yoga is good, although in the lectures there's still very little new to me. I've been to two of Paul's workshops by now, and I've seen short version of Bernie's anatomy/yin and yoga history lectures. But some things are good to go over again and again, and one thing I really appreciate is to see all the teachers and their different bodies. So far the group has been fairly cautions and I don't see quite the same kind of connections forming than in my previous teacher training - but people are nice, and I love the ladies in the back row with deep belly laughs.

Food is good! Three meals a day are provided, and I'm always in the front of the line... food is made by volunteers who live at the center, some short term, some long term. We help out by doing the dishes, we have a rotation where three people at a time do some part of washing and drying and with three meals a day and 15 people it works out having to do some task about every other day. In addition to that I managed to appoint myself as the gong sounder, five minutes before the lectures start I'll strike the gong twice so that people know they should be heading for the pavilion if they haven't already. They wanted someone punctual, and... well, punctually is both one of my bad and good points.

Hungry

Decided to use the dinner break for connecting with the rest of the world.

It's interesting, within few minutes of whipping out my laptop two people came and asked if I was on the internet... looks like I'm not the only addict. I looked at my emails - and when I say "looked", I mean I looked at the subjects but didn't read any of them. Doesn't look urgent, and casual things don't interest me right now.

I'm constantly hungry even though I eat a lot more than I normally do.

Today's lectures haven't been anything new - it's anatomy, and I've heard Bernie's lectures before, now he's added a lot of stuff Paul talks about and his workshop is still fresh on my mind too. Repeat doesn't bother me too much, and I'm kind of glad first day is like this because I'm definitely feeling the post-city and stress low setting in. Feeling lethargic, tired and dull... it'll be better in few days.

Retreating

First day of the retreat is behind now... I'm writing this without knowing exactly when I'll upload it - Bernie said that internet would be available but I'm too ashamed to ask right now. It's like some people are ashamed to admit on a yoga retreat that they smoke... I'm ashamed to admit that I brought my laptop. I can always say it's for the photos, but lets face it - it's because I'm addicted to the internet and making sure I'll stay on top of things.

Maybe it's something I should be trying to give up, at least for this week.

Whether I choose or not, the truth is that our schedule is so full there will be very little time to use for random internet browsing. We start the day at 6 am with some meditation, pranayama and asana practice, then have breakfast at 8 am. We are also going to keep a silence until the end of breakfast, which will be... interesting, I think. Probably weird at first, but I expect it to be calming once I get used to it.

Then we'll do some yin yoga and lectures, have lunch... then we have a "happy hour" where Bernie gives us a "happiness theme" and we have an hour to explore it on our own. Followed by lectures and dinner, followed by "story time" i.e. Bernie telling stories about yoga history and mythology, followed by meditation... Which takes us to 9 pm and I'm pretty sure I'm about ready to turn in by then.

The place we're at is called Sky-to-Sea Retreat Center, and it's situated about 30 km from Whistler, up in the mountains by Daisy Lake. It's a ecological Buddhist retreat center run by volunteers - it's quite new and it has all modern amenities like warm water and electricity, but also has a very close relationship with the nature and tries to recycle and conserve as much as possible. There are bears and cougars in the area, we saw one black bear from the buss window on our way here, and a little snake just now slithering across the path... and there is a bird's nest in the house that I'm sleeping. The nature looks very much like Finland, except the mountains and high altitude changes - very familiar and calming. Felt at home right away.

I'm still feeling a little bit apprehensive, being away from home and all - it's not a normal state for me so it'll take me a little while to adjust. But I think I'm going to love it here.

Away, away

I'm off in about hours time to Whistler and Bernie's yoga workshop. Sun is out, and they promised good weather for the whole week, this should do good for the body and soul.