Summer is not here

It's raining.

June is such a fickle month in Vancouver, the summer is starting but it's generally still fairly cool and rainy. I find it amusing that Vancouverites say that summer starts on summer solstice, on 21st, whereas in Finland we call it midsummer. Telling a Finn that summer starts on juhannus would get strange reactions, I'm sure.

I'm at work, watching crows feed their chicks on the roof of the building opposite. They are fluffy and stupid and eternally hungry and selfish.

Last weekend I was lucky enough to get to go to Paul Grilley's workshop again. Last time I saw him was about two and a half years ago and that time he changed my yoga practice completely - soon afterwards I decided to become a yoga teacher. This time was not quite as earth shattering, but it was still very very good - his knowledge on the subject of fascia and the modern meridian theory really is unparalleled in the west. He's holding a ten day anatomy workshop in California next year, and I'm seriously thinking of going there... I can probably dedicate one week a year to my further yoga teacher training - this year I'm going to study with another teacher of mine, Bernie Clarke, at his nine day retreat in Whistler - that's happening in a week's time.

I also bought a new camera today. To replace my old Ixus, I went for Canon SD800 IS, and currently I'm waiting for the battery to charge... pretty new pictures to follow in Flickr soon, I promise.

Photos and thoughts

It's been 103 days of our 365 project, and here is a small collection of photos I've taken. It's kind of taken the daily time I've dedicated to communicating with friends afar, and blogging seems to have taken a back seat. I feel guilty about and try not to... Maybe I should start posting more photos and see if I can write more that way?

I guess it's also time for another weight update... it was 48 kg early this week, so the trend is still up. Seems to be about half a kilo per week which seems healthy enough. I'm still a bit ambivalent about the whole eating thing, but using a bit of willpower and common sense I can get it happening. And that's really all I want to say about at this point...

Inspirations in strange places

Weight still at 47 kg.

I found through a concrete experience on Sunday that it's way too low for me to do much strenuous... well, anything. We had Kate's birthday party in Central Park, and it involved being on my feet the whole day. As happens always with events like that I eat very little, but now that I have absolutely no reserves to go back on - it exhausts me completely, and by the end of it I had a big panic attack and fell asleep pretty much as soon as we got home. I slept well over eight hours which is enough for me, but it still took me two days to get back to feeling normal again - the physical strain was pretty severe.

So it's fairly clear to me that I can't do three and a half days of a con in this condition.

If that doesn't motivate me, I don't know what will. So. Target: weigh 52 kg by August, that should give me a little bit of spare to live on for three days. Also need to plan eating at the con much more carefully than I would normally do (normal attitude is "meh, whatever") - maybe have snacks planned out all through the day, and make Chu take care that I actually eat them.

Inspiration through anime cons, whowuddathunkit.

Update

Bah, the longer I wait the more difficult it becomes blogging again.

Am I suffering from a bloggers block? Is it that I don't have anything to say?

I don't know. Things are pretty good, I guess. My mom's visit is now couple of weeks behind, she was a great guest and was missed. We spend a lot of time working on cosplay, meeting friends, going to parties. Work is work. I do very little asana. I study Sanskrit and meditation. I teach yoga.

And I am mindful. About what I do, about what I eat. I take breaks to just sit still. I eat - some days enough, some days not. Weight is something like 45-46-46-47 so it's going up... I feel bloated and I feel like I eat like a pig. I question my thought patterns, my sanskars, and I try to use my buddhi, my intellect, to reason that this isn't so, and try not letting my ego get to the driving seat.

And summer is here... in the mornings our apartment becomes an oven and we have to open all the windows just to be able breath. But we are cautious of leaving them open when we leave, we've had some squirrel pups and and visit us recently. We've brought the fan up from storage and it was immediately put to good use... today it's raining again, but it never lasts for long and it's still warm. Everywhere is green and luscious and beautiful.

Yes, I'm still here and in this moment.