Tuesday 21 November, 2006

Doubt

Doubt, self-doubt, is one of my biggest problems (a typical six problem).

Lately I've been doubting blogging. I like to write, and a lot of people come here daily. I think I personally know 98% of you, so I'll speculate you're here because you want to know what I'm up to... but still I feel like I need to provide some kind of quality content for you.

But maybe what I've had to say lately isn't very interesting. I've been writing some very personal stuff, and it often comes out just as a stream of consciousness, I have know idea how it reads to someone else. I've been writing a lot about my yoga. It's one of the most important things in my life but I don't know if it interests anyone else. I've been writing about manga and anime because that's what I've been watching and reading, but I have no idea if my reviews or analysis are any use to anyone or if anyone cares.

I'd like to be funny and sharp and interesting, even though that's not necessarily the type of blog that I like to read the most. My favourite blogs are about ordinary life, ordinary events, ordinary people - I get my clever funny stuff elsewhere. But I don't even know if my writings reach the level of "ordinary" nowadays, or if they are just bizarre and irrelevant.

Please, I'm not looking for a pat on the back (well, if you have some I'll take them though). Just this, is it good enough? Because it is what it is, and it's not gonna change... It's my life here, more or less, and it's nothing extraordinary.

Posted by kolibri at 21 November 21:27, 2006
Comments
# 1 - Emokolibri (on November 22, 2006 02:08 AM):

Dear Kolibri,
Every morning when I wake up I check your blog. It is so good to hear of your and your life and thoughts. We, who are so far, far away from your are lucky to have this possibility to feel a bit closer to each other.


# 2 - Janne (on November 22, 2006 02:41 AM):

Just write whatever you like. People who like reading it will continue to read, people who don't will just disappear. That does not mean they will stop being your friends or anything - you just lose readers. A blip in the statistics screen.

The demographics of your blog will change according to what you write. You should just look at it just as a reflection of yourself, or what you want to portray.


# 3 - Laura (on November 22, 2006 08:38 AM):

I don't read the manga stuff or the bookreviews of books I haven't read. I read the stuff about your ordinary life, those are interesting to me.

I guess you are right, maybe you do think too much about what others think of you. I think the most important thing is, what YOU think about yourself. In the end, that's all that really matters. ;)


# 4 - yoe (on November 22, 2006 06:43 PM):

You made me think now - why it is that I read your blog every morning? even if I'm too busy to go through more than very few select ones. (I'm quite sure that it's not because of the convenient time difference between Vancouver and Japan:)

Let's face it: I don't know you in "real life", even though I very well might have met you - so why would I be interested in the yoga-teaching career of someone living on another quarter of the globe? I don't have the answer. Only I know that should you quit writing, you would "disappear" for me - no blog-handle, no contact, detached from the the reality I am living in.

I suspect I would not be the only one to lose you in such way.


# 5 - Jaana-Mari (on November 22, 2006 10:19 PM):

As Laura said, the most interesting thing here is your everyday life. I´m not that into manga or yoga, but I am very interested in how you´re doing, both of you (I can hardly wait to see you in December!). You might as well list what you had for breakfast or how you got you socks wet on the way to work, I´d be here, because that is the sort of things basic conversations involve. It´s rather difficult to shout accross continents, so this is the next best thing.


# 6 - Ma Dragon (on November 23, 2006 05:01 AM):

Your blog is good enough and even better! I want to know about your life and Dragon´s life, and I have nothing against getting some information concerning yoga, anime etc. You have no reason to be doubtful about your capacity to convey experiences and feelings, you´re doing fine.


# 7 - rannva (on November 24, 2006 01:30 PM):

The reason I keep returning to your blog is because you are also an expatriate Finn - and I like reading about the experience you and your husband have of living abroad. I also happen to enjoy yoga and it has been so interesting reading about your journey to become a teacher. I don't know you 'in real life' but still I 'stop by' to see how you're doing. Keep up the good job!


# 8 - kolibri [TypeKey Profile Page] (on November 24, 2006 02:25 PM):

@ Yoe - In addition to going to same school 20+ years ago which I don't remember, we have actually met. I remember sitting with you in a sauna after living in England about a year talking about studying, I have no idea where this was but it must have been in a Ropecon afterparty or something like that. And I just love you blog, it's one of my favourite slice-of-life blogs: your writing is interesting and funny, and I can relate to many aspects of your life.

@ everyone - thanks for all your comments, they mean a lot to me and I really appreciate you taking time and writing them.


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