Crowded and chilly

Against all expectations there's still snow - it was supposed to rain last night but it's colder than expected. I feel dumb, I should have known that the busses are still irregular - but while passing some time (so I wouldn't be too early, sheesh!) and looking at teapots I managed to miss 99, and the next one took it's sweet time. People are so greedy - lines for 99 can be very long (these are long jointed busses), so some people will try to skip the queue by getting in through the back doors. This really pissed off the bus driver, so he announced at some point: "if someone tries to get in through the back doors, just shove them out - they need to get into the queue like everyone else... [pause] Don't be afraid!" It caused some giggles, and humor is what you need in a crowded bus where everyone is squished against each other, and the homeless guy who is there to warm up stinks the place to high heaven.

And I ended up missing my class because I was too late. Two hours round trip to get home, and chilled to the bone because I had expected a warmer weather.

Lovely weather

I walked home today from Padma's yoga sutra class as in the heavy snowfall I couldn't see any busses coming. And none came in the time I walked up Davie from Howe to Cardero. For me, the weather is just perfect - it's probably around -2 C, snow is wet but still snow, it's not cold and it's so pretty, really nice weather for a brisk walk.

People at work freaked out big time this afternoon when it started snowing (with a prediction from the weather man that there was going to be 60 cm of snow by midnight) and few people left at 2pm scared that they couldn't get home otherwise. Also they don't laugh anymore when I tell stories of my fatherland and tell them what big babies they are... It's hitting too close to home now.

Sad thing is, it's going to be over soon. Shame. I hope there'll be snow in Helsinki for Christmas.

Secret is in the layers

Pakkaslumi narskuu kenkien alla.

It occurs to me that you can't say that in English, there just aren't specific words for describing the feel and sound of snow under your feet in weather like this. It's actually cold today, we were getting down to about -10 C - so I put on more layers and everything was fine.

But poor Vancouverites are having a hard time. They don't know how to walk on ice, they don't have weather appropriate clothes (no hats or gloves) and they get stressed when things don't work out like they expect them to. Me, I take it easy, reserve plenty of time and patience for moving from one place to another and smile a lot. I love the smell of snow when you step outside, the frosty bite on your cheeks and nose. Although it's colder today than yesterday, public transport was better (I guess because the roads were open now). I got into a bus no problem, and several (if not all) were running and everyone got to work today.

My biggest problem is at home - we have the heating cranked up as high as it goes, but it's freezing cold inside. This is the time when those large floor-to-ceiling windows that cover one wall of our entire apartment are not so nice feature, they make heating the place pretty impractical. We wrap ourselves in blankets and put on more layers.

Snowbound

Well, it's winter in Vancouver today!

We have snow, lots of it, and Vancouver grinds to a halt. I didn't poke my nose out yesterday when the snow started, but it sure looked very pretty. This morning I braved the weather, put on - what I call - my proper winter clothes and got out. First warning sign came when there was about 20 people on my bus stop that usually has just few. So I looked back on the road, and there were no number 6 busses at the stop - usually there are few, but there was a 23 though (both have their final stops on Davie). But by the time 23 left, it didn't even stop at our stop (which is the first one on it's route!), it was already full.

So I thought I'd walk to 6's stop and see if buses would be running at all - and by the time I walked there, one pulled in. Great, I though and jumped in and got myself a seat. The bus stayed there for another ten minutes and slowly filled up, and by the time it left it was pretty much full. So that bus too stopped at only few of the first stops on it's route... looks like if you don't live in West End there's no way you'll get into the number 6 bus this morning.

I hopped off at Howe, but by this time I pretty much knew what to expect. Yep, there were bunch of people at the bus stop, all looking worriedly at the road, and there were no busses in sight. At this point I considered going back home, but I'll be damned if a little bit of snow will stop me... So I walked across the Granville Bridge (and of course shortly after few busses went past... well, that's life).

It was funny, I took my camera with me to snap some "ooh look there's snow in Vancouver" photos and I wasn't the only one - I met few people on the bridge and they all looked really somber. Except the ones with cameras, they smiled and nodded at me and me at them, we had a secret smile for like-minded people like us.

The trip to home was much easier - I left at the normal time, but either everyone else had left early, or people had just stayed at home... all busses were half empty which is not typical for 5pm traffic. I even managed to get to yoga, but even there there were fewer people than usual. And breath was really weird in the room, normally this advanced class is smoking hot, but now it was just a little bit puffing. I hardly sweated at all. I walked home with Kiki who's from Winnipeg and we laughed at the winter in Vancouver. It was peaceful and pretty and we talked about yoga.

More photos of my morning in the usual place.

...why Naruto is awsome

I was going to go to Jesse's yoga this afternoon, but it was snowing outside (yeah!) and just when we were about to finish our phone call with Chu we got into a deep philosophical discussion about why Naruto is awesome.

We call these "Why Naruto fillers suck, but we love the show anyway" meetings. You see at the moment, and for the past year and a half or so, Naruto anime has been consisting what's called fillers: the anime ran out of original manga material, so while waiting for more manga to be written by Kishimoto Studio Pierrot who animates Naruto has come up with their own storylines. And they suck, they suck so much it hurts to just think about it. There is absolutely no point to these episodes - they take place in a very limited time frame, and because Kishimoto has already defined what's going to happen later in the story they can't really do any character or story development. Best episodes are passable at best, and worst ones make you wish you'd die in a fire... we're now running at 70+ episodes of fillers.

Luckily, this is changing in the spring. Kishimoto finally revealed in this week's Shounen Jump magazine that this spring would see a new Naruto series, titled Naruto: Shippuu-den or Naruto: Hurricane Chronicles as it's already known by the fans, and this series is indeed coming back to the manga storyline which takes place almost three years after the original series (hence the picture on the right - old Naruto and the new time-jump Naruto, scan from this week's Shounen Jump). This is the best news of the week, hell, best news of the month. Kishimoto's original manga is so stupendously good, and my eyes bleed every time time I "have" to watch the crap that they call Naruto right now...

Thing is, Naruto is my number one fandom at the moment. This series works in so many levels, and I'm just going to leave out the most obvious one which people always see the first, the action and the ninja battles. Sure, it's one of it's appeals, but the emotional content is so much more important. There are some main themes that are so important to me that the series handles so delicately - my personal favourite being loyalty. Especially Naruto's desperate loyalty towards his friend Sasuke and the apparent futility of it, it resonates with me because I recognize in emotional level many things in that relationship in my own life. There are numerous stories about personal bravery and learning to trust people, like how Neji who finds that life is what you make it, or Rock Lee who believes that you can do anything if you set your mind to it. Chu had a lovely allegory about Naruto being a story about healing, and that too is in the very heart of the series - how people who've had bad cards dealt in the beginning can overcome them, and that it's never too late to heal. About how you don't have to be alone, how important other people are in your life.

Very important themes, and very important stories.

Pot man cometh

So in the summer I came to hate our downstairs neighbor who smoked weed pretty much every minute of the day stinking up to high heaven (or at least our apartment). Especially when it was hot, when we had to keep all windows and doors open, the sweet smell of pot was wafting in all the time... from dawn till dusk, and after. First it amused me, then it annoyed me.

Yesterday I actually met this neighbor for the first time in the elevator. He's a big happy guy who talked in a very loud voice, very friendly and likable... how can I hate someone like that?

Doubt, revisited

Big thanks for everyone who replied to my post about self-doubt.

It's strange, somehow I was expecting people to like something else than what I myself like... Maybe it's one of those "grass is always greener" things when I expect that other people's lives are much more interesting (to read about) than mine - most of my days consist of going to work, doing yoga and coming home and maybe watching some TV with the husband. So I write about yoga and what it means to me. So I write about stuff we've watched.

In fact, I've been writing quite a lot lately, just most of the stuff doesn't end up here. Way before I met Dragon I used to write a lot and dream about maybe doing that for living some day - but when I met him I realized I'd never be as good as him and pretty much stopped altogether (because of some stupid notion that if I couldn't be best it wouldn't be worth it) until I started writing in this blog three years ago. My mom commented at some point that my writing style is journalistic more than literary, and I think she's probably right - writing fiction has always been much more difficult for me.

So anyway. I think entries I've been happiest with lately have been of reviews and analysis of some anime and manga - if you haven't read them maybe you'd want to try reading the reviews for Haibane Renmei from two days ago or Gankutsuou from September, I'm really proud of those. It's just a little bit sad that those are the ones people are not interested in... But that brings the question, who am I writing for? For sure if I said that I'm writing for myself, I'd be writing a secret diary and would never show it to anyone. So I'm doing this publicly because I want someone to read my musings, because there's something I feel I have that's worth sharing, and therefore I feel I have to take my readers into consideration at least a little bit.

But it's unrealistic to think that I'd have the determination or the will to write about what other people want to hear if I didn't resonate with it, day after day. So like Janne pointed out, I have to write about what I want to write about, and hope that someone will find it of interest... and if not, well I would be very sad to see you go but would hope that you'd understand that I have to do what I have to do.

So this is me. Last year it was wrestling (but ever since Eddie died a year ago it just wasn't the same, for many reasons), this year it's been yoga and lately anime. Maybe it'll change. Maybe it won't. Maybe I'm going to get pregnant and then that's all you hear about. If you're interested you'll just have to stick around to see.

Quiet teaching

Just came back from teaching a yin class at Sue's, the second one I've done in the Karma slot. So I have some regulars already, which is nice, these two middle aged ladies. In addition tonight I had some teenagers who were slightly weirded out by yoga, but open minded, and while they had some difficulties with yin (it can be very intensive) and the poses - by the end of it they were smiling very broadly.

And one of them said to me that it had been great being able to relax, because relaxing is so hard. Yeah, when you're a teenager relaxing is almost impossible - I've talked with some other teachers who teach teenagers and they all say the same. Just laying down in savasana eyes closed is almost impossible for them, so I was really glad these girls were able to enjoy it.

After class I locked up the studio, and since this whole teaching thing is still so new, I'm always totally overwhelmed afterwards I can hardly stand. I'm trying out a distraction technique at the moment, and make sure I have an audiobook or a podcast to listen to right after so I don't get too bewildered by the experience. I'm doing one more class this year, and hopefully my students demand more and Sue will give me permanent slot next year.

Haibane Renmei

A little bit like Haruhi Suzumiya, Haibane Renmei is one of those animes that it almost impossible to review because explaining much more than the premise for the series would be too much of a spoiler and would ruin much of the enjoyment. But, here goes.

Haibane Renmei (translated by the author as Charcoal Feather Federation) is a 13-part anime series based on Yoshitoshi ABe's original doujinshi manga (and doujinshi in this case just means self-published, for one reason or another - ABe's a bit of an avant-gardist). The series is about beings called Haibane, who look like angels with their little wings and halos.

The anime starts with two parallel scenes. In one, a young girl is (dreaming about?) falling from the sky, and in the second group of Haibane girls find a cocoon in their house from where a new Haibabne is about to hatch. This girl, who is later named Rakka, is helped out by the other Haibane and soon gets high fever which precedes her growing her own wings, and she's also given a halo to complete the Haibane appearance.

And that's pretty much all I want to tell you... I don't want to say anything about the Haibane and what they are and why and where they come from (or even pose more questions that might be too leading). I don't want to say anything about the other people that inhabit this world, or the place they live and work in. I don't even want to say anything about the Haibane Renmei. And obviously talking about the actual plot, for what there is, is totally out of the question. The whole beauty of the story is about finding out these things, one by one. And some things you might not find out by the end of it, some you might, some you might guess, some you might not. ABe's storytelling is purposefully open-ended, and interpretations and allegories are much in the eye of the beholder. And yet it's a complete story with a beginning, middle and an end.

This is a dreamy slice of life story about strange and beautiful people, and strange fates. It reminds me more about Hayao Miyazaki's work more than anything else - the characters, the way the speak and behave, the world they live in and of course the style of the animation. It feels like Miyazaki, but it's distinctive enough to have it's originality. It plays a little bit with Christian mythology - mainly, that Haibane look like angels - but doesn't really go much further than that. The storytelling and pacing are really slow, and in the beginning it's not clear at all where the story is going, it's just little stories of Rakka coming to terms with being a Haibane and getting to know her surroundings. It's about getting to know the characters and falling in love with them, about seeing what their life is like. Slowly a plot emerges, and while it's not totally surprising it doesn't really go where you expect to go either. Or it isn't what it looks like.

It's not even a tear-jerker in a way that something tragic would happen (or maybe that could be left for interpretation too, maybe you'd think it was tragic), but I did cry pretty much all the way through the last two episodes just because it was so beautiful and touching, and I'm chocking up even thinking about it. It's sensitive and kind, and magical and deeply emotional, without being fake in any way.

Me and Dragon both really enjoyed Haibane Renmei, but I think Dragon probably got little bit frustrated at times by the pacing. It's true, not a lot happens - but that reminds me of Miyazaki too, especially something like Totoro where the plot literally is "little sister gets lost" but that's not the point of the movie, and neither are the events in Haibane Renmei. It's about characters and emotions, and there's mystery and sense of wonder, and it's just lovely.

Haibane Renmei, ladies and gentlemen. 13 episodes available from Pioneer, get it in an affordable and beautiful box set. Unfortunately since the original work is a doujinshi, there's no translated version of the manga (licenses are more difficult to get from private people than from companies - go figure)... It's wonderful, gentle, human... slice of life anime at it's best.

Nigerian Dragon

I have to say, I was mighty surprised to find this article on BBC:

I erroneously believed that even old grannies in Pihtiputaa back in Finland knew about Nigerian Internet scams, and I thought you’d literally have to discover some forgotten tribe in Amazon rain forest in order successfully pull of one of these. The fact that I get four of these a day kinda gives it all away. At this rate I could make billions a year if these letters were a genuine article.

Seems that I was completely wrong about people getting wise about these, though. Quoth the BBC:

The criminal uses information they trick from the gullible victims and commonly strips their bank account.
These style of incidents alone cost the UK economy £150m a year - with the average victim losing £31,000 the report said.

So even the most god-awful email hoax that an average person gets four times day is good enough to fool 5000 Britons each year.

I am in the wrong business.

Doubt

Doubt, self-doubt, is one of my biggest problems (a typical six problem).

Lately I've been doubting blogging. I like to write, and a lot of people come here daily. I think I personally know 98% of you, so I'll speculate you're here because you want to know what I'm up to... but still I feel like I need to provide some kind of quality content for you.

But maybe what I've had to say lately isn't very interesting. I've been writing some very personal stuff, and it often comes out just as a stream of consciousness, I have know idea how it reads to someone else. I've been writing a lot about my yoga. It's one of the most important things in my life but I don't know if it interests anyone else. I've been writing about manga and anime because that's what I've been watching and reading, but I have no idea if my reviews or analysis are any use to anyone or if anyone cares.

I'd like to be funny and sharp and interesting, even though that's not necessarily the type of blog that I like to read the most. My favourite blogs are about ordinary life, ordinary events, ordinary people - I get my clever funny stuff elsewhere. But I don't even know if my writings reach the level of "ordinary" nowadays, or if they are just bizarre and irrelevant.

Please, I'm not looking for a pat on the back (well, if you have some I'll take them though). Just this, is it good enough? Because it is what it is, and it's not gonna change... It's my life here, more or less, and it's nothing extraordinary.

Bits and pieces

We're still getting brown water, but at least the smell is gone now. All Starbucks' seem to be open too, so I'm back to getting my Christmas fix of gingerbread lattes... I drink them with soy milk nowadays, and alas, without whipped cream - soon it's getting cold enough that I'll need to add "extra hot" to the order too (so that'll be tall soy gingerbread latte no whip - gotta laugh at the Starbucks speak).

I did a big shopping spree yesterday - it's been so long since I bought new clothes I can't even remember when it was. I wandered to Banyon to look for other translations of Patanjali sutras - got two copies, and met Nadine there too (it's easy to bump into people you know at the yoga section). I got back to downtown, went to Golden Age to buy more manga, got some new yoga gear from Ladies Sport, got some general shirts and wraps (I'm currently going for super-comfort) from Mexx and Guess, and tons of new underwear and two pairs of pajamas from Jacobs. I guess normally the problem with pants is that they tend to, er shrink, but two bottoms of my old pajamas have suddenly expanded and they don't stay up anymore - one would be funny but two at the same time is just strange. (Ahem, that's probably more than you want/need to know...)

Sundays are nowadays so busy now that I'm doing Jesse's course. It's been really useful and I learn tons, sometimes I just wish I had more hours in a day, I especially need more hours for Sundays and Saturdays. I'm starting to look forward to Christmas more and more - it's not that many weeks until we'll be flying to Finland. It's going to be fun, I just hope we won't be too bogged down with all the mandatories.

Brown water update

Today the water is not only brown, it's also smelly. I was standing the shower this morning, and feeling like I was camping - the water was muddy and the smell was... earthy. Now also most coffee shops in the city have stopped serving coffee - and in Vancouver that's like the end of the world.

Surprisingly, the world still turns.

Today at work it was a bit sad, one of my colleagues had her last day. She had only been with us for three months, but after all these problems with the new law in US she had decided that this wasn't stable enough job. To which I can only say: fair enough. I was expecting that some people would leave because of this, and although she was the first I don't think she'll be the last. I'm sad to see her go, I really liked her.

Don't drink brown water

I think this advisory from our Coastal Health Authority is a bit like "don't eat the yellow snow". It's a fairly large scale disaster though - we (and the whole Greater Vancouver) are currently under so called "boil water" advisory noting that the tap water isn't safe for drinking, brushing teeth or washing food. We had a huge storm yesterday, and because of that the water supplies have been "unsettled" and it looks brown and muddy. This morning I was standing in the shower thinking that either we were having problems with the water, or that I must be really dirty! I've seen it brown before but this is the worst I've seen it and we've never gotten a boil water advisory before.

This of course caused a lot of discussion at work and a lot of bad jokes (and Don started playing Christina Aguilera's Dirty). Dragon went and bought water so we have water to brush our teeth and make some tea. And then I just went to brush my teeth and completely forgot the whole thing - and when I was just about to rinse my mouth Dragon ran out full speed screaming me to stop... I'm sometimes such a klutz.

Ego, ego, ego

When I counted up my demons
Saw there was one for every day
With the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away

So if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down

- Everything's not Lost, Coldplay

Past few weeks at my yoga sutra classes we've been talking about ego, as part of human mind and how to recognize it. Well, my ego is a huge part of my panic and anxiety disorder where the driving force is "what will people think of me". Being able to distinguish this has been a big help because, as Padma teaches, it's impossible to even start trying to solve problems if you don't first observe and understand them.

Today I was literally feeling my ego attacking me from the both sides.

At work my friend Hisayo has been training to run a marathon - she's going to Hawaii next month to run the Honolulu Marathon - and they were doing a 50/50 draw to sponsor her. (And for you Europeans, 50/50 draw is a type of lottery where people buy tickets and half of the proceedings go to charity and the other half is the winning price - so how much you (can) win depends on how many people buy tickets.) When I heard about this yesterday I immediately decided that if I would win I would give my part of the money to Hisayo too... and whaddya know, today I actually had the winning ticket.

So first my ego is slapping me on the back telling me what a good and generous person I am, and how now everyone is going to think so highly of me because of this. This kind of ego massage isn't the worst kind as long as the results are good - and Hisayo was indeed moved by my donation (in a very Japanese way, chocking a bit: "I will run it for you!") and I felt all warm and fuzzy. But then there was the other ego demon on my other shoulder whispering to me how people were going to think I was completely bonkers and retarded for giving $200+ away just like that. But the way I honestly thought about it that I was giving her the $20 I had put into the pot, and the rest I never had - it was from other people in the company who were sponsoring her. Still, my ego demon didn't leave me alone - at home I was starting to feel really miserable about the whole thing...

Padma teaches that one should know their own purity - meaning that you should know what's pure and good in yourself, and remember and believe that when things get difficult. For me this is a very powerful thought: it means casting aside doubt about yourself and concentrating on the good qualities you know you posses. This helped me tremendously today - I know what I did was right, and I know I did it for unselfish reasons, I did it for my friend because I wanted to help her and make her happy. As long as I succeeded in that it was between me and Hisayo and whatever anyone else thinks - good or bad - isn't something I should overly think or care about. I know my own purity.

Going is good

It feels almost like a new page has been turned, and this week is infinitely better than last few weeks have been. I'm still feeling kinda useless at work, but at least rest of my life feels like worth living again. Practice today with Jason was totally amazing, and all the things I've found difficult in the past two months are suddenly clicking together and my yoga, mental and physical, feels incredible.

Peacemaker Kurogane

Brothers Tatsu and Tetsu

Peacemaker Kurogane is a historical (and semi-fictional) anime series produced by Gonzo based on Nanae Chrono's original manga. The story happens in 19th century Japan just before the Meiji Restoration where the seeds of the revolution are being planted. The focus is on Shinsengumi, a pro-Shogunate special police force stationed in Mibu near Kyoto. Main character is a 15-year old boy Tetsunosuke Ichimura, who joins the Shinsengumi while trying to become strong enough to avenge the deaths of his parents who died under mysterious circumstances.

So, you could say that it's an arch-typical shounen concept: a boy wanting to become the very best at something, this time set in a popular historical setting with samurai, the bushido code and much love and loyalty between the brothers in arms. And that's pretty much all there is to the series - but if you like (historical) shounen anime (like we do) there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. There is a long list of characters, most of them based on real historical Shinsengumi figures albeit of course quite a lot romanticized.

Suzu and Tetsu

The hero of the story, Tetsu, is a cheery young man who has some idealistic ideas about being part of the Shinsengumi and to protect him Commander Hjikata makes him his page and refuses to give him his own swords or uniform (Shinsengumi had these fantastic and very visible turquoise and white uniforms). Tetsu's older brother Tatsunosuke has also joins Shinsengumi as a scribe and seems to spending most of his time running after Tetsu who seems to be spending most of his time avoiding his page duties. Tetsu makes friends with another page, Suzu, but since the boys are forbidden to reveal their masters' names they find out too late that their loyalties lie on the opposite sides of the fence as Suzu's master is the leader of the rebellious Choshu clan. Another notable Shinsengumi is the incredibly pretty Captain Souji Okita who takes Tetsu under his wing (well, who doesn't - he's the unofficial mascot at the headquarters) who also has a very... shall we say, warm, relationship with Commander Hijikata.

Commander Hijikata and the flirty Okita who likes to dress like a girl

What bothers me about this series is that it really can't decide if it's serious drama or comedy. Sometimes it gets very serious with political plotting and assassinations - for example the last six episodes are dedicated to the Ikedaya Affair which was a bloody incident between the Shinsengumi and the anti-Shogunate Choshu clan. And then sometimes it's just pure slapstick - for example there's an entire episode dedicated to Tetsu running away from Hijikata because Okita has given him a collection of embarrassingly bad haikus Hijikata wrote and desperately wants back. When it's serious it can be very good and touching, but when it's funny it's somewhere between mildly amusing and just pure dada. Fortunately by the end there is some refreshing character development with Tetsu who has to decide between the Shinsengumi and his father's legacy (who had the nickname "Peacemaker"). And I have to say the ending is truly one of the most disturbing endings I've seen in a while disguised as a happy ending.

Peacemaker Kurogane is certainly an entertaining series - not a masterpiece, but we watched all 24 episodes in about a week without any forcing. Animation is Gonzo at their finest - great combination of fine traditional animation enhanced with digital animation that enhances the experience without drawing too much attention. And although soundtrack wasn't anything too special, the opening and closing songs were one of the catchiest we'd heard in a long time - we couldn't help singing along with "Yeah come on"s and "Hey Jimmy"s. Good easy fun.

10 fandoms

Here's a meme from Erin: summarize 10 of your fandoms in one sentence. Readers get points for guessing each one.

There are nine companions to my precious: a girl who everyone thinks is a boy, a boy without a real body, a read-headed man who can make his sword howl, a fox-boy more loyal than a hound, a wise man who is said to be an incarnation of an old god, a god who loves apples, a horse and his boy - and the science officer though it only logical that the admiral shave his mustache before the journey could begin again.

To pass on for all the fangirls and boys.

Back to the roots

It's easy to think that panic and anxiety attacks are caused by certain events. This is however a misconception that I myself try to get rid of - it's a self-fulfilling prophecy if I ever saw one. If you believe the attacks are caused by something, they will - so when I get anxious about future events I try very hard not to think that life will return back to normal once they are over. Panic attacks are just misconceptions your body has learned, thinking that a certain situation is dangerous and triggers the fight or flight reaction.

The five weeks that I've studied the yoga sutras with Padma have really opened my eyes to meditation and for the first time I really feel I can use meditation to change how panic and anxiety attacks affect my life. This week for example, has been "a bad one" - meaning I've had several new (and therefore unknown) events that have been causing me stress. First was the babysitting on Tuesday, and the second was a yoga class I had promised to cover for Connie at a local gym. Both were really something I knew would be fine once I was in the situation, but that my number six personality still made me doubt. As you know, the babysitting was a great success, so today was time for the subbing. And it went fine, of course.

Teaching at a gym is such a different environment than teaching at a yoga studio. I myself started my yoga practice at my local gym back in Southsea so I've never held my nose up to gyms as places to practice yoga as some people do. I think for most people it's going to easier to try a yoga class if it's available at the gym where they do all their other exercise than it will be to find out where a yoga studio is, and then feel like a total newbie trying to access a mystic cult. Most people will just not bother, going to a yoga studio will require much more dedication. So I had no qualms about subbing for Connie when she asked me to.

In many ways tonight's experience reminded me of my "roots", although I was extremely lucky in that my first teacher was a hard-core ashtangi. But there I was, in the middle of the noisy gym, in a room that was designed to be cool, with seven total newbies of which only few had ever done yoga. I had my program planned out, but as always happens it's the students that make the class, not the teacher. I did what I could - I had to demonstrate a lot myself, I had to skip vinyasas, but I think I did pretty well with what I had. Although the total newbies didn't look too happy during the class they were smiling afterwards - maybe not the perfect experience but it all I need is more experience.

And afterwards I spoke with Svetlana who owns the gym and gave her my card (I just got my lovely business cards I had ordered from Moo) and asked her to give me a call if she needed more subs - which she said she always did. Just like that, I'm marketing myself as a yoga teacher, and it feels... cool.

Dragon gazes South

Yes, I know that there is very little difference between the two parties. Yes, I know Bush is still the commander-in-chief. Yes I know that big business has just as big stranglehold on the Democrats as it does on Republicans.

Yet still the US election results give me hope. American people turned against the war in Vietnam, and they seem to be turning against the war in Iraq, too. Today, regardless of everything, I thank the US electorate. At the very least seeing Rumsfeld less on TV will be a blessing.

Democrats, the whole world is watching you. We need solution on Iraq and the world pollution. Stakes have never been higher. The planet is in your hands.

Babysitting

I've done it! I've successfully spent an hour and a half alone with a two-year-old!

Me and Ella, we got along really well. I got her to show me her toys while her parents were getting ready to leave, and when they were going Ella quite happily laughed and waved them goodbye. After couple of minutes she thoughtfully pointed to the door and looked at me quizzically and I told her that mom and dad went out but we'd have a good time just the two of us. That was enough and we spent the next 1,5 hours playing with blocks, trains, teddies and reading books. And I showed her the secrets of snapping photos of yourself with a cameraphone as you can see, something every girl should know how to do. And neither of had temper tantrums or panic attacks or cried.

Ella was of course ecstatic when her parents came home, and gave them lots of hugs. And then I got a hug too! In fact, I got two hugs - and that's something as she's quite wary of strangers and doesn't give hugs just to anyone. And when I was starting to put on my coat when Timo was going to give me a ride back home, then the poor girl started crying.

I guess I can consider my first babysitting a flaming success if the child doesn't cry when her parents leave, but when I leave. So silly me, I promised to do it again.

Healing power

Yoga is healing. I had a bad day today and wasn't feeling too well, so I was considering going home, wrapping up in my karma blanket, reading latest Genshiken album and feeling sorry for myself. I debated this until the very last moment but decided to get off the bus at Robson and Broughton, and found myself walking to the studio in the darkening evening. Until the end I considered turning back home but then I was in through the door, and Kelly and Robert were there, and Nicole and Helena. Someone asked me how I was (yeah, I know it's not a question) and I looked miserable, and Robert came and hugged me.

I set up my mat in the back (and I'm always, always in the front) and decided to take it one breath at a time. One sun salutation, two, three... and I was breathing and doing yoga. Robert was there all the time, coming back and just standing next to me. Kelly was there breathing with me.

Such a privilege being here with these people.

Oh those funny googlers

I haven't really done these, but once in a while it's a good giggle. Here is my Q&A for the searches random people use to get to our blog.

On wrestling:

• john cena autograph - Yes, I have one. He was very handsome but not particularly personable.
• www.john cena & randy orton fan fiction.net - Er... If you really must, try fanfiction.net.
• muscular hunk - Mmm... tell me more.

On dreams:

• dreams about ex-boyfriends - I've written about this once years ago and ever since this has been a very popular search. For god's sake, dreams don't mean anything!

On ninjas:

• real ninja suits - ...are orange. No, really.

On yoga:

• shag mat for sex yoga mat - Sex on a yoga mat sounds... impractical. I didn't know they made shag mats...
• teaching first yoga class - It was scary. But you just have to jump in there.
• who can practice yoga? - The beauty is: anyone can! You just need to find yourself a suitable style and a teacher.

On weightlifting:

• weightlifting squat like an animal eat like a horse sleep like a baby grow like a weed - Dragon can probably say more about this subject.

On Death Note and serial killers:

• death note light handsome - Yeah, some people think that but psychopathic serial killers are not really my type.
• book about serial killer and newlyweds - Whoa, Nelly. I hope there isn't one.

On baking:

• why do you need to be quiet during baking a suffle? - Do you? Maybe when taking them out, but I would assume while it's in the oven you can be as loud as you can.

On Bleach:

• create an original zanpakuto - If I told you how it wouldn't exactly be original would it?
• are soul reapers real - I think I speak for the all of us when I say "no".
• small pink haired vice captain bleach - That would be Yachiru Kusajishi.
• how does people see ichigo if he s a soul reaper - They don't. Normal people can't see Soul Reapers, only people with reiatsu can.

On Ouran High School Host Club (which was the second most popular search to this blog last month!):

• ouran high school host club manga scan - Please go and buy the real thing. So much better than the scanlations and you'll be supporting the lovely Bisco Hatori.
• if you like ouran high school host club you ll like - Ooh, please tell me too!
• ouran host club shota - Ewww. Not in my blog.
• relationship hunny mori - Like brothers, ok? Less you think of it, the better.

On Loveless:

• does soubi love ritsuka - I think he does. It doesn't mean he still wouldn't belong to Seimei or obey his orders. Soubi is a strange creature.
• seimei soubi and ritsuka seme and uke roles - Now Seimei is clearly a seme character, and for him Soubi is a total uke. But with Soubi and Ritsuka these roles don't apply as they are not a (traditional) BL couple.

On Pride and Prejudice:

• mr. darcy and elizabeth - One of my favorite fictional couples, ever.

On... I don't know what:

• daniel radcliffe naked supermarket - God I hope not.
• teenage sex games for those boring nights - I haven't been a teenager in a long time, and I would probably be shocked if I knew what they do on those boring nights these days.

On Finnish Blogs:

• suomenkielinen blogi - This wouldn't be it. Try blogilista.fi.

The Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

I've been talking (lecturing?) to lot of people about romantic literature lately, so I though I should probably write about The Outlander, first book in Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series, that I finished listening some time ago. I admit, I'm easy. When the word "time-travel" came up in the description of the book, I was sold - when choosing audiobooks I'm pretty lax, I choose books I wouldn't normally bother to read because they are easier to digest in the audio format.

The Outlander is a story about Claire Randall who is on holiday with her husband Frank in Scotland after the second wold war, and who mysteriously gets transported back in time to the 17th century. And that's pretty much all there is about time travel in this book - it's really a historical romance novel where the main character being from another time serves as good excuse for explaining things in much more detail. Not that there's anything wrong with historical romance novels - and this one is pretty good. Claire gets entangled with clan MacKenzie's internal politics while on the run from Frank's ancestor, the evil English captain Randall, and is forced to marry a young Jamie Frazer (who also happens to be on the run from captain Randall). The book goes on with a very leisurely pace stopping for atmospheric moments like assisting a horse giving birth - and generally Gabaldon spends a lot of time describing things and people and feelings.

It's all quite pleasant, you really start caring about Claire and Jamie and their budding relationship. The only thing that really bothered me about the book (that will make me reconsider continuing on with the series) is the portrayal of captain Randall. Gabaldon obviously wanted to create an evil super-villain with a twist - captain Randall looks and sounds like Claire's husband in the 20th century, but personality-wise is nothing like him. This captain Randall is power-hungry, evil and sadistic - but to make him as "unnatural" as possible, Gabaldon also made him gay. So, he's impotent in the face of women, except if he can inflict pain on them and tries to rape Claire - but he really lusts after Jamie and will stop at nothing to get him. I found the fact that Randall is gay insulting and much more disturbing than anything else sadistic Randall did (and let me tell you there was no shortage of his perverted actions).

Otherwise, Gabaldon write well. The story is not gripping, and had sometimes days before returning back to the story, but it's easy despite all the blood and gore, and sex scenes are pleasant and tasteful. I really like the descriptions of Scottish country-life, even if it's probably a bit gilded over, and characters were good. Davina Porter who narrated the unabridged 20+ hour whopper was very good with Scottish accents and characterization. Would I recommend it? Well, not wholeheartedly. It's pleasant enough, but the evil gay thing just didn't resonate with me.

It's like a drug

Taika brought us some rye bread.

There were three bags so I took one bag to Timo at work. It's literally like a drug, I didn't even notice I had done the same until I saw Timo do it - first thing you do is you take the plastic bag the bread is in and you press it against your face, smelling it. Smelling it! The intoxicating smell of fresh rye bread is so irresistible! We had a discussion about how to eat it - I eat it with some German or Hungarian style salami (closest I ca get to proper Finnish metwurst), Timo prefers it with butter and cheese. Any way you look at it, it's like no other bread.

Winter is coming

Suddenly it's very cold outside. When I wake up, the buildings outside have frosted roofs and I can see my breathing. I have fascinating discussions with our guest about the history of science, but feel the panic bubbling just under the surface. Breathing and reading Patanjali help.