Birthday, fireworks and art

Had a lovely, if somewhat small birthday party yesterday. Only three people came, but it's not really about quantity that much... we drank a bottle of champagne, ate chocolate coated strawberries from Godiva and ate some delicious food. I was even given presents (ok, I knew it was coming as Laura by accident sent one of the group gift emails to me) - Laura has picked out a new tea pot and mugs for me which were lovely... my collection now stands at 13 teapots. I'm generally not too thrilled about getting teapots as presents because other people's opinion on what's good is different to mine (and it is my collection after all), but I've presented my collection to Laura and she knows what I value - so she picked very well.

Around 8 pm we went to the beach - the weather was cloudy so there weren't that many people for the Celebration of Lights, but more and more people came as the time got closer to 10. Yesterday's competitor was China, last year's winner, and it just might have been the best firework I've ever seen. Last year they just went for big - the music was there but there wasn't really that much choreography involved with it... this year the music was absolutely beautifully guiding this most amazing firework display. The different combination of colours, shapes and sizes - how they used the whole sky as a canvas, some fireworks were low, some middle, some oh so high... And the finish was a golden sky, the biggest golden sparkling fireworks that I've ever seen. Absolutely stunning.

Today I spent the whole morning on Skype with Chu... only two weeks and she'll be here, I can't wait. After that I ran down to Yaletown where my friend Robert had few pieces of art on display in a Pride in Art exhibition that's part of the Pride celebrations currently going on in Vancouver. His works were very emotionally loaded - raw, provocative and almost pornographic. Powerful stuff, and I wish he would take more pride in his art... he's so shy and modest about it all.

Farewell, old friend

David Gemmell, the greatest fantasy author of his generation died yesterday at the age of 57 after a heart bypass surgery. My favorite living fantasy author is gone, and I along with millions of his fans mourn at his passing. He was the only author whose books I always bought without even bothering to check the back cover or reading any reviews.

1976 David Gemmell was being tested for cancer and this spurred him to write his first novel, Legend where perhaps the greatest of his heroes, Druss the Legend was brought to life. He survived and became an author after a life as a bouncer and a day labourer. Though not innately talented writer, Gemmell worked incredibly hard at his craft, and by the end of his life his craftsmanship of writing matched the passion and his knowledge of combat that was always present in his works. He might never had the divine gift of writing like Bulgakov or Dickens, but he more than made that up with hard work and perseverance.

He gave us 29 books (the last of his work, sequel to the magnificent Lord of the Silver Bow to be published September of 2006), that I believe will stand the test of time in the field of heroic fantasy. He will pass into the same fabled realm as his literary creations, the realm of legend.

In his books the heroes are larger than life, flawed, yes, but utterly humane. He gave us mighty Druss and the deadly Waylander, the driven Jerusalem Man and moody Tenaka Khan. He brought to life the heroes of Greece: Parmenion the general, Agamemnon from Iliad and Alexander the Great. Every single of his heroes and characters is alive and believable in the pages of his books, full of all the faults and virtues that make us human. He crafted worlds of Drenai and Rigante, and the terrible land of post-apocalyptic world that serves as the backdrop of annals of Jerusalem Man. He created their enemies too, the city of Stone and the Nadir hordes, the terrible Joinings and the deadly Vagrian empire, treating them with the similar understanding of their strengths and weaknesses, showing to the reader that they, too were human.

Deeply spiritual and religious, the supernatural theme runs through Gemmell's books. Despite his deep commitment to Christianity, Gemmell's books expose tolerance of other faiths, strong anti-racist sentiment and understanding of other sexual orientations. For him such issues were questions of right and wrong, not of religious dogma.

He also actively encouraged his readers to help those in need and intervene and stop any crimes they witnessed. Though this brought a lot of criticism, he never changed his opinion on this: those who can should always help others in need, regardless of personal danger.

Though David Gemmell is dead, he and his heroes will live forever in his books. They will always be there for me, encouraging me to not to run from danger, help those I can, and remember that even those who oppose me are human, too. This is my consolation -as long as his books are read, as long as Druss treks across the mountains in the mind's eye of his readers, David Gemmell is not truly dead, but lives on in the hearts of the people his writings have touched.

"Farewell, old friend."
(From Legend by David Gemmell)

My show-biz career pays off

I've actually made money doing yoga! Remember those two tv-shoots that I did last month? Turns out I actually get paid for doing them - $25 per episode, so $150 for 6! It's not quite enough to leave my day job for a glitzy show-biz career, but hey, it's the first money I've earned for doing yoga.

I don't even feel like cashing the cheques in, I feel like framing them.

Lovely

I'm having a lovely birthday.

When I woke up Dragon was already up (so I'm a true child of Unikeonpaiva, the sleepy-head day) and I was immediately gifted. Then I spoke on Skype with my parents, and my mom is doing better and better every day.

At work I was going to invite some people out for lunch, but one of our PMs invited us out and paid for it all - all the people I wanted to have there were there. Food at Joey's on Broadway was absolutely stunning - I had baby back ribs which just fell of the bone. Back at work I found at my desk a gift from my dearest Russian ladies Elena, Galina and Tatiana - they had got together and bought me a lovely glass bowl as a thank you gift for the yoga I've been teaching them. Then it was time for cake - our company offers birthday cake once a month to all employees, and today - at my real birthday - just happened to be the cake day.

All this, and tons of best wishes all day long. I feel truly loved.

Is this calmness just an eye of the storm?

I had a really nice lunch time yoga class today, most of the class consisted of spinal and side work and people really seemed to enjoy it. Even during the meditation when Art insisted on standing on his head an waiving his legs, the others have started getting used to him so they were able to concentrate more on their own practices. I don't appreciate what he's doing, but I guess this is a lesson of acceptance and self-judgement for me... other reason I let it be is that today was his last time with us, his contract is running out on Monday so the problem disappears sooner rather than later.

So after the class I was talking to Al and Istvan (who was a first-timer) when this guy bursts in, obviously quite agitated. He was visibly shaking and waiving a stack of papers in his hand, shouting and demanding to see the person who is the boss of our QA manager - well, this is what we found out after he calmed down a little. He had been to an interview and had been there for two hours, first in an interview with our functional and automation heads, and then doing a test, and lastly talking to our manager... who apparently had rubbed him in a totally wrong way. It's true, our manager can be quite blunt - I don't know if it's a language issue or what, but I totally sometimes think she's very rude and disrespectful of us. This poor guy had apparently said that he thought QA is easier than development which she hadn't taken well to, and asked him some questions that he wasn't able to answer (this was from her later on) and had been quite blunt.

The thing is, the boss of our manager is our CTO and we seriously didn't think he would want to talk to this guy. Our receptionist was on lunch too, so we just left him in the lobby - downstairs there was quite a lot of commotion... apparently this guy had been shouting and screaming while leaving her office and everyone was just really excited about it - let's face it, it's not often this much entertainment is provided in the office. So we were sitting down sharing stories of this loony and laughing when it turns out that this guy had actually been recommended by a member of our team, the sweetest imaginable girl called Grace who was actually feeling really bad about the whole thing... so I started feeling really bad for her - she's one of my yoga students too, and an absolute sunshine.

At this point I really had to get some lunch so we left, but apparently Grace had been able to calm her friend down and send him home. Well he obviously failed the test on how to get along with out manager... I don't think though that most people realized the impact of this thing - he had apparently been been shouting for a while upstairs and the whole company was coming to us asking for the gossip on this guy and what had our manager done to upset him so. Sad thing is that I knew what people would think, which was proved soon enough: that the guy was right and that our manager is driving other people mad too and I can't totally fault them for that. It will reflect really badly on the whole QA department. Hopefully nothing else comes out of this.

Tribalism

I was just getting ready to start planning for my yoga class tomorrow when Laura called me and asked me out for dinner. I don't do well with unplanned outings, generally, so I was really flustered and probably sounded a bit dim... she went on to say that it was unexpected but that she felt like being social and wanted to go out with me just the two of us - normally we always have the boys with us. So I put aside my anxiety and just said yes, and we went out and had a lovely couple of hours.

Somehow I feel spontaneity has totally disappeared from our busy lives. Stuff like calling up someone in half an hours notice just doesn't really happen anymore and it's a huge shame... we sometimes talk about tribes with Laura, and that's what we're missing these days. Countries and cities are too large concepts for a person to emote to, and at the same time families are getting smaller. There are huge numbers of single people living alone, I don't think this has been the case in any other time in human history... and I think it's an unnatural way to live that causes lot of pain and depression. Superficially fitting in becomes even more important because that might be the only social contact a person has, and failure becomes catastrophic.

I would really like to live in a tribe. I would love to buy up a big house with my friends and divide it into flats, but keep a communal area too - meet with important friends daily, care about them, be involved with their lives and have them involved in mine.

And I did decide that I wanted to have my tribe with me to celebrate my birthday. I sent an email promising champagne, strawberries and fireworks in exchange for food and companionship and hopefully I'll get the gang together for Saturday.

Indecisive

It's still hot. I'm trying to make plans for my birthday party this weekend, but I don't know if it's the heat or what but I don't feel like celebrating. I should really start with inviting some people but I can't even make a decision on who to call. Blah. Maybe I need more sleep.

Samurai Champloo

Continuing on with my anime reviews, next on the line we've had Shinichiro Watanabe's mature hip hop adventure drama Samurai Champloo. This series is about two misfit samurais who are hired by a girl to look for a certain man, spiced up with a modern record-scratching hip hop soundtrack. Story's backdrop is Japan's Edo period, although the disclaimer in the beginning clams that "This work of fiction is not an accurate historical portrayal. Like we care. Now shut up and enjoy the show." - and this pretty much characterizes the whole show as the emphasis is on cool characters and fights, and everything else is sacrificed for that.

First episode opens up with a teahouse where a girl named Fuu is serving the governor's son and his raunchy entourage. In comes an eccentric looking swordsman Mugen who offers to take care of the bunch for 50 dumplings - Fuu wavers but is forced to take the offer when things get heated up. What she doesn't expect though is the enthusiasm her hired help brings to the fight as he goes on a killing spree on everything in sight - he even engages the lonely samurai Jin who wonders in and claims just having killed governor's three top bodyguards. In the ensuing fire both samurai are knocked unconscious and captured by the governor, who as a revenge for his son's death wants to execute them - but Fuu has other ideas and helps the two escape in exchange for helping her to find "the samurai who smells of sunflowers".

Characters are in the heart of Samurai Champloo, and in fact you could go as far as saying nothing else than the characters really matter. Jin, the traditional cool-headed renegade ronin is the good and proper hero of the story. He's the submissive strong silent type and his fighting style is traditional dojo style with a katana. His opposite is the hot-headed Mugen dressed in red hip-hop style shirt and shorts who fights with a western-style sword and a very unusual kapoera/break-dance martial arts technique. Mugen is the bad cop of the scenario - his sole purpose in life is to eat, drink and fight, and if time permits from those two - fuck. He's rude, quick to anger and impulsive and especially in the beginning is lacking most redeeming features. Then there's Fuu who in name brings the two men together while trying to get them not to kill each other - they are very eager to find out which one is better - but the men have much more in common than it first seems. She's fragile in appearance but strong in character, and is the driving force behind the mission.

And that's pretty much it. The series - 26 episodes in total - is very episodic, and one could watch pretty much any episode (save last three where the bulk of the story happens) and get the feel for the series and the characters. Although it's a story about a journey, the story is not a journey itself - the characters all have backgrounds that we find out in the middle episodes, but they don't have a huge effect on the story or present obstacles or character growth opportunities. Although the past has made the characters what they are, they are pretty much in peace with their pasts - claim is that in the end they find what they are looking for, but it has no effect on their actions. At the same time they do develop a camaraderie - "when you go on a journey together it changes you, it makes you family" - I especially liked Jin's and Mugen's unspoken understanding, and Fuu's gentle acceptance that the she can't change the men from what they are.

And if you're ok with episodic TV, you'll love this series because it's coolness factor really is through the roof. Character design is totally funky - the characters are expressive and interesting, and animation is top notch. Jin is beautiful and noble with his white skin and glasses, Mugen is rugged and rough with his stubbled grin and his scrawny hairy legs and Fuu is cute and sensitive. Fights are short but flashy, coupled with hip hop which works wonderfully well (some days, some nights / some live, some die / in the way of the samurai / some fight, some bleed / sun up to sun down / the sons of a battle cry) - and that's where the series name comes from, Samurai Champloo could be loosely translated as Samurai Remix. And there's a lot of humour in the series - lot of it has to do with the fact that our misfits are constantly out of money and hungry, and like Mugen in the beginning they are ready to live from hand to mouth just to get by. I also really like the cultural aspect of the Edo period Japan - although I do take the disclaimer in heart that this is not meant to be an accurate description the times, there is a lot of really nice background and colour to the story.

So how would I rate this series then? I would say it's good, but just shy of very good. At this point episodic TV just doesn't do it for me anymore - Samurai Champloo is a lot of fun but it doesn't really leave me wanting more, nor do I feel the need to get the manga (unusually animation is the original one in this series). I loved the characters and the animation, but the character development was missing that one step that would make it really memorable and touching. I loved some of the individual episodes, but the lack of a strong story arc annoyed me - this series could have been so much more with very little effort. If only the sunflower samurai's story had been interlaced more with the episodes - and let's face it, with 26 episodes I think it's almost inexcusable to have empty filler episodes that don't do anything for either the story or the characters (and baseball of all things - please! that's not the kind of fan service I want).

Geneon has just released a box set of the seven DVDs which is a good deal (compared to individual DVDs) but still not cheap. DVDs are very pretty and in keeping with the series superb design, but a bit sparse on the extras. The subtitles are good work, and even the dubbing is decent. It's definitely worth a watch, but I'd wait for the prices to go down before shelling out for the box set.

Hot

I'm not one to complain about hot weather, no sir, not me. So I'm just going to say that it's rather warm in Vancouver this weekend, and that it's lovely to live so close to the ocean - at least we have some wind blowing. Not much left to do than lie still and enjoy the weather - we went to the beach for a little while but the sun is really intense and I don't want to burn. It's past ten now, but it's still bikini weather outside. The fan is blowing, and after watching Samurai Champloo all day Dragon went out to get sushi.

JPod by Douglas Coupland

So I thought I should maybe read a book by Vancouver’s pride and joy, Douglas Coupland. And his latest book is called JPod and takes place in a gaming company in Vancouver so it sounded like an excellent bit of fun.

And how wrong I was. This book just wasn’t funny or clever and I didn’t enjoy it in the least. There was no plot, just random events, all characters are totally immoral, bland, illogical and unpleasant, there was absolutely zero character development and I just wished bad things for them. There were only couple of occasions that made me chuckle a bit, like the management-forced introduction of a charismatic talking turtle named Jeff to the ultra-realistic skating board game and... well, that was the only thing and I found amusing.

Main character Ethan was dead boring, spineless and moronic and even his humiliations didn’t make me feel better. And I hated his family too - I guess the intent was that I should have found Ethan’s meddling weed growing serial killing mother endearing but I thought she was just annoying and idiotic. I thought Coupland’s constant references to himself ("Oh God. I feel like a refugee from a Douglas Coupland novel.") and finally his appearance in the book just stupid and self-righteous, no matter how much he tried to emphasize what an asshole he is. The useless trivia in between chapters that he had ripped of from sides of cereal packets and stupid unfunny websites that everyone in any office/mailing list has seen two years ago were just unbearably mind-numbing. Normally when I’m listening to an audio book I always stop it when I need to talk to someone so I don’t miss anything, but JPod I just let run so would have to listen to less of it.

I can’t help but to compare this book to the last surrealistic office comedy that I read, Max Barry’s Company, and how much infinitely more interesting the characters where and how infinitely better the book was written. If you’re looking to get a light summer read about office politics, read Dilbert. If you’re looking for an ironic funny book dripping with black humour, go for Max Barry. But I wouldn’t recommend JPod to my worst enemy.

Tired

I'm so so tired. I've been working for two and a half weeks straight, with ten days of teacher training on the top and I'm starting to be at the end of my endurance... I'm almost falling asleep at work, staring at the screen - when I get home I perk up and then won't get to bed early enough. And because of waking up earlier for a week, my anally accurate internal clock wakes me up well before six so I don't get full nights sleep (my optimal beauty sleep is 8,5 hours!).

I'm just counting the days until the weekend so I can rest a little bit...

Real ninjas wear orange jump suits

Fullmetal Alchemist left a hole in my TV landscape... and after current American TV left us cold we eventually started looking for other anime to watch. And is there ever much of it... to top it off, after FMA our quality criteria is incredibly high - and let’s face it, most anime sucks big time. So going through Anime News Network and other sites, we’ve picked up couple series that we have been watching in the past several months. I though I’d write about the series’ only after finishing all the episodes, so that’s why Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya has so far been the first one... but on Saturday we finished (or caught up with the current production, more accurately) watching one of the biggest anime and manga series in Japan and America, Naruto, so I think I’m ready to write about it now.

The premise of the series didn’'t really seem that appealing, to begin with. Naruto is a story about a young orphan ninja boy called Uzumaki Naruto (I’ll use the Japanese style of putting the last name first as that’s what I’m used to with this series) who has the misfortune of having a nine-tailed demon fox sealed inside him since he was a baby. This piece of information is a taboo in Konoha, the ninja village he lives in, and even Naruto doesn’t find out about it until he’s 12 and therefore has never understood the hostility all the other villagers have treated him with. As a result Naruto has grown up to be an unruly and disruptive boy who uses pranks as a way to get much needed attention only to cause more rejection amongst adults and children alike. After graduating from ninja academy he is assigned in a four man training team with two other students: the broody boy who all the girls have a crush on and the top rookie ninja of the year Uchiha Sasuke, and the book-wise and emotionally unstable ninja girl Haruno Sakura. To complicate things, Naruto is head over heels in love with Sakura who treats him with nothing but contempt, and Sakura is in turn in love with Sasuke who treats her equally coldly. The team’s sensei (teacher) is Hatake Kakashi, an elite ninja who has been hand-picked to watch over and train Naruto and Sasuke (who has his own issues that warrant the care). Together the team goes on to ninja missions as instructed by the village leader, the Hokage.

But the thing is, that’s not what the series is about.

There is an incredibly intricate and intriguing storyline behind the 190 odd episodes of anime produced so far and while a lot of the airtime is dedicated to ninja fights, the heart of the series is not action or violence, but emotions. This is something that for me is missing in most of American TV currently: deep larger than life emotions like friendship, loyalty, betrayal, loneliness and belonging (normally I would include romantic love here but in case of Naruto we’re talking about kids). Naruto’s story is about conquering loneliness and rejection and the will and the need to be accepted in to a larger community, and to find friendship and love (of a teacher/parent). It’s also a story about inner strength and Naruto'’s battle to control the demon fox living inside him (which can be seen as an allegory to inner demons in general) – how he needs to learn to accept and tap into his resources without losing himself in the process.

As characters really make this series, I’d like to say a few words about them. The target audience for Naruto is young boys, so that’s what most of the characters are: in the core of the series are the four ninjas who form Team Kakashi. Naruto is the loyal and hard-working friend who is willing to sacrifice everything for not only the people he loves but for anyone who has been wronged. He has a natural ability to see right from wrong, and amazing talent to make other people around him see it too and in their turn be inspired and strong. He isn’t talented in the ninja arts, or in anything else – but he works very hard to achieve his goals. His arch-rival and a friend is Sasuke who is also an orphan - but unlike Naruto who has never known a love of a parent, he lost his whole family and clan to his murderous older brother, and has vowed to become the avenger. Sasuke is naturally gifted and doesn’t need to try hard to become good in ninjutsu, but after witnessing the massacre of his family he has become emotionally closed and cold, and is only really making friends for the first time with Naruto and Sakura. And ah well, I guess I have to mention her too... and here is my biggest beef with this series – the lack of decent female characters. Sakura is the worst possible example of an arch-typical anime girl: she’s unstable, unreasonable, moody, violent, unfair, selfish and completely useless as a ninja. While she has her rare moments, most of the time she’s just complete waste of space and I can’t even analyze her character’s significance as anything more than eye candy and a comic relief. (Better female characters come into play later on in the series with Tsunade and Anko, and possibly Kurenai and Tenten, but that isn’t until 80 episodes in or so. To be fair, Sakura does bloom into something more useful and gracious later on – but after 200 episodes of annoyance she’s not in my good books yet.) Then there is ultra-cool and skilled Kakashi-sensei whose job is to teach his pupils about life and importance of team-work. He’s the voice of reason and the main adult of the series – to begin with he’s there to support and protect the children, but slowly he takes the back seat when they grow up and start making their own decisions that will have grave impacts in their lives.

As the series gets comfortable with the main characters, a large number of supporting characters are introduced. There are really too many to go into, but I'm constantly amazed by the variety and depth they have. There are as many background stories as there are characters and they all weave into the main story and add to the rich world and culture that Naruto has - some of my favourite characters come from the supporting cast like Naruto's future teacher the perverted hermit Jiraiya, the ever sarcastic but oh so smart Nara Shikamaru, the weirdo bug-boy Aburame Shino and the unruly Inuzuka Kiba with his ninja dog Akamaru.

While I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend a series like Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya to anyone, Naruto – while certainly not worse in quality – is a bit of a different beast. Firstly and mostly it does need some commitment with the almost 200 episodes it currently has (and there’s no end in sight), and unfortunately not many casual anime fans want to commit to that. On the other hand, once we started watching Naruto we found it almost impossible to stop: the writing, the characters and the format of the story are so engaging that we watched all the episodes in about four weeks, and went ahead and purchased the 10 volumes of manga that have been translated so far. Secondly, it is about ninja kids and the main character is a rambunctious young boy – if that’s not your deal I can fully accept that too... although trust me, it’s not as bad as it sounds.

From the storytelling and character design point of few the manga is superior to the anime, but the action sequences take the winning ticket in the anime, which also animates the character emotions beautifully. Anime – while following the manga mostly very carefully - is not as solid in the plot department, but the manga creator Masashi Kishimoto is a god amongst men when it comes to writing and drawing so it’s not at all such a bad deal. If Naruto sounds like something you think you’d enjoy, I’d recommend getting couple of first volumes of the manga and if/when you absolutely positively need to get more, check out the anime too. Viz Media (who also publishes the manga) has licensed the series and has just put out the first uncut subbed and dubbed box set covering the first 13 episodes that will give you a nice taster on what the series can do. It is the most sold comic in America for a reason.

Into the eye of storm

Our dearly loved friend, a palestinian woman, is flying back to Israel to attend family funeral. Even more worryingly, her family home is at the very edge of the border of Lebanon and Israel. She is a corageous and principled young woman, and while she might be afraid, she would never let that stand in her way. I wish from the bottom of my heart that she will be fine, despite her travelling into the middle of a war zone.

Qualified

So, I'm now officially a qualified yoga teacher. Feels nice, although I'm really dead tired today. We had an emotionally draining last day in training yesterday: it was hot and low in energy, and we did our final 10 minutes of teaching that was individually evaluated by either Jason or Kelly. Jason had lot of nice things to say about my teaching - really the only things that I need to improve on will come with time. He said my accent is not a problem, but that I needed to work on a warmer delivery - I think I'm still, after nine years, suffering from from the Finnish-English language barrier that means my way of speaking is more factual that a native speakers. So he suggested I work the compassion and warmth on a more physical level, with more presence and hands on work. All good advice.

We finished the day off with a relaxing garden party at Jada's house. Everyone gathered with too much food and drinks and weed and we just hung out until it was pitch black dark... but there was warmth, from bodies and minds. We kept talking about Jason and Kelly and Jesse who also came as being the teachers in the group, and kept reminding ourselves that from now on we should be talking about ourselves as teachers too.

The mind shift has already started. I've already started thinking myself as a teacher... and thinking what I want to become and what I want to learn.

Strange energy

I feel detached, unreal. Time seems to be like water and I'm floating on it, I'm going with the flow but not really feeling it... I think it's partly because the teacher training is coming to an end and I'm living in self denial about it. I'm going to miss these people - not to really say that I've been making close friends, but the energy and the feeling of community is unlike anything I've experienced before.

I've been talking to lots of people and everyone is feeling it - this last "trimester", as Jada calls it, has been full of grand emotions. I guess it started the first day when we were going through the circle sharing experiences about yoga when Robert, dearheart, started crying because he was feeling so vulnerable - and that set the standard for everyone else, it's ok to feel these emotions, it's ok to cry. I was of course crying on Wednesday because of my mother - but that was like a waterfall and so many other people cried with me... they came to me later on crying telling about how they have lost a parent and how seeing me going through the similar thing was just bringing it all back. I don't think you ever get over that, no matter how long you live. Yesterday Jenn was crying because it was her last day and she was going through changes in her life, and we just allow that let her know we're here for her.

Connie comes to hug me every day. Her mother had breast cancer which was difficult for her because her mother was in China back then, so she knows what I'm going through... being far away when big things happen to loved ones just eats one alive. Trevor, my practicing parter, the reserved man with a beautiful practice, he comes to hug me too, expressing emotions not many men do... it all makes a big difference.

Almost over

Living the last days of the teacher training, it feels weird. Today we talked about creating flow style yoga classes and final ends and outs of teaching a class. The first two levels we talked so much about details and precise issues, and now it has come full circle: how to pull everything together and how to go forward.

Go forward... I mean, that's what I need to do after this is over in two days time. What do I want to do after I have my certification... do I want to teach and how much, how do I go about doing it. What do I want to do with teaching? Do I want to teach part-time, or potentially some day change my career and go to full time teaching? Suddenly these questions are on my doorstep, I don't have the security blanket of "when I'm certified" anymore.

Hm... I think I have some ideas. I will ponder and tell you more later.

Hydrogen Dragon

It looks like the much-vaunted Hydrogen economy endorsed by the Bush adminstration is dying a death of a thousand cuts, as one more higly respected research entity is giving up on Hydrogen cells in particular and Hydrogen energy in general.

Here is quote from their announcement:

"But the laws of physics cannot be changed with further research, investments or political decisions. ...a viable free-market hydrogen infrastructure will never be established and fuel cells for hydrogen may not be needed."

Entire annoucement can be found here. The other fuel cell technologies they mentioned are very interesting, however.

Laughing yoga

Bernie was back today teaching some yin yoga. Actually teaching yoga - first two hours we did a yin class with him - one of the best yin classes I've ever experienced, and then he went through two hours of theory. By the end of it I was completely exhausted but we still had several hours ahead...

We chatted a little bit about our experiences so far, and then, spontaneously we decided to do some laughing yoga which we had briefly talked about earlier. That felt so good - we laid down on the floor so that everyone had their head on somebody's belly, and started laughing. Yeah, you start out a bit phony but after few seconds it really turns into real laughter and we just laughed for a while.

And I feel like laughing - I spoke with my mom this morning, and the operation was a success, prognosis is good and she should be able to come home on Sunday. I was talking to Trevor and he suddenly interrupted me and said that my whole demeanor had changed since we started on Friday... And yeah, a huge load has been lifted of my shoulders. Who knows what the future brings, but for now it's all laughing.

Yoga crushes

News don't travel too fast, but the bottom line is that my mom is out of the surgery, alive and feeling positive. Mood changes slowly, but by the time I was on my mat at 11 am I was feeling good. We practiced teaching, and then had Jesse's lunch time class, after which Shannon came to talk to us about how to market ourselves as yoga teachers.

It's always great to see Shannon, and she had a lot of really interesting stuff to say. She started out by saying that we had to be proud of being teachers and that when we introduced ourselves we needed to believe that we were yoga teachers. It was funny - like yogaholics anonymous she pointed to couple of people who had to stand up, say their names and declare that they were yoga teachers. It's weird, so weird, to say that, and I'm not quite sure I believe it yet. Shannon said that we had to believe in being teachers, otherwise we'd never become one - her talk was all about being in the right mindset that you need to be able to make the change.

Shannon is definitely one of my - what I call - yoga crushes: yoga people who've had a profound influence in me and that changed my life. My first yoga crush was Paul Grilley who I met last March who opened my eyes to anatomy and my body - maybe the single biggest event that has affected my practice. Since then my practice has taken a totally different and more personal approach - I'm no longer trying to practice somebody else's yoga. Then there was Bernie who I've come to know and love during this teacher training. My latest yoga crush is Padma and I have a feeling I'll be following her for a while - I really want to study the yoga sutras with her when she starts her teaching again this fall.

It's really amazing to meet these people who have the compassion and wisdom to change my life and way of thinking in the space of few hours. Truly a privilege.

Emotional

Padma was back today and we continued on with exploring the Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. She is such an inspirational teacher - I love the way she honors the oral tradition and that is her main method of teaching: just talking and explaining things without giving you a ton of papers to read. Some people were taking a lot of notes though - personally I just wanted to concentrate on the conversation and writing down what she was saying seemed so... clinical. In the end of the lesson we chanted the three first sutras kirtan style for about ten minutes - I lovely way to learn the sanskrit, and even now I could probably recite them just out of memory. It's amazing what difference music makes.

In the end I got up to the class and asked my friends something I've never asked before, and something I never thought I would ask. My mother is going to have surgery in couple of hours time, and I wanted to dedicate few moments of meditation for her - to send her loving kindness and white light. I had prepared what I wanted to say but when I got in front of the class I just broke down, and was just about able to tell them in few words about this special person in my life and what she means to me. Padma saw what was happening to me and took over with couple of gentle words, saying that this was a perfect moment to show and share love, and we meditated for few moments... she finished off with a lovely chant.

Afterwards people came to hug me, and offer their support - these are beautiful wonderful beings and I'm very lucky to have them right now. Padma has been heaven-sent - she was with me just after I found out about my mother, and now she was with me when my mother is going to surgery. Her meditation techniques have been there just in those moments I have needed them and they have made a huge difference.

This is the meditation I was going to say to the group if I hadn't started crying. It's Buddhist Vipassana loving kindness meditation that is one of my favourite kinds of meditation, and it's used to wish loving kindness and happiness to all living beings. This one is for the intelligent, compassionate and gentle woman that is my mother.

May she be happy.
May she be free from fear.
May she be free from pain.
May she be in peace.
May she find true happiness.

Sutras

Today we studied Patanjali's yoga sutras with Padma. Wow - Padma just blows my mind with her compassion and wisdom. We spent about two and a half hours going through the first two sutras.

Atha Yoganusasanam

Now yoga is explained. We talked for a long time about now, and yoga as union. And Patanjali's sutras and how to read them. There are so many interpretations of the sutras, like there are of the bible or the koran or any other holy book. According to Padma, people interpret the sutras in different ways according to their culture and experiences and mental state... truth is for everyone to find for themselves. The sutras are threads, they are not meant to be comprehensive instructions to enlightenment - Padma calls them a "teacher's manual", short notes for the teacher that should be used in conjunction with explanation from the guru, and mostly passed on as a verbal tradition.

Yogas Citta Vrtti Nirodhah

This is most often translated as "yoga is the cessation of mental fluctuations" (I think the translation is BKS Iyengar's), but Padma talked for a long time about translating Nirodhah as understanding, not control or cessation. So yoga is understanding [and observing without attachment] the mental fluctuations of the mind, otherwise known as thoughts. I can understand where she's coming from - it makes sense for us that mind can never be totally quietened and that citta vrtti will never be totally ceased. But understanding them without attachment gives one control and freedom. I like that way of interpreting Nirodhah... it suddenly seems like it's achievable in this lifetime.

Anatomy vs pose

Jesse came back for some more anatomy and alignment. I think I finally got what he's after, what his angle on yoga is - it's pure anatomy. I think I approach yoga very much from the poses - I want to do the pose, and I don't so much think about what muscles it uses or what it does for me physically. For Jesse it's all about physicality and therapy, he looks at poses and does them because of what they achieve in the body.

It's interesting, and definitely an angle a teacher should be aware of... if I'll apply it to my own practice is another thing. I think Jesse's sections on the training have been very useful - he makes me feel miserable pointing out my faults and misgivings, and I think his classes are too much on the negative side, but he's got something to give too that shouldn't get lost in the irritation his personality causes.

Weak in the core

Today we had more anatomy with Jesse. In contrast to last time's heavy theory-based lectures, we approached it from a very practical point of view and dissected some poses looking at what muscles were involved. It was interesting, although four hours was slightly pushing it... all we did were the standing poses.

I have this almost love-hate relationship with Jesse - he seems to be a bit of controversial yoga figure here, and he can get quite defensive about it. He's the first one to admit that he's very opinionated, and he puts that across very forcefully. He comes from a very competitive background and has found his place in yoga through numerous injuries - he's also far more alignment orientated that ashtanga usually is.

When I first took his class, I hated it. Hated his style, hated the class... but at the same time learned something. In the teacher training last time I was forced to come back couple of times, and he kind of grew on me... well, at first I started liking his classes. For me alignment is so personal that it's almost not worth talking about (of course you have to), but in ashtanga style yoga movement and breath is so much more important. His classes are a lot to do with alignment, but once I got over the initial shock and gag reaction I started taking in the information, and I've started using it myself in my classes.

Back to the training. As I've come to know Jesse more, I've actually started liking the man too. I don't agree with everything he says - and he's the first person to say that one shouldn't, you should always do your own research. When discussing dandasana, and I mentioned that this pose always hurts my upper back - he took me to the middle and started explaining why. In his words, my middle core is very weak and that's the cause of my problem - and yeah, it's discouraging and hurtful to hear someone be so blunt about something you though you were doing pretty good with. So my dandasana turned into something quite different - I'm now bending my knees quite a lot and pulling my ribs in from my back which causes more work for the lower back muscles (which is the big problem here, according to Jesse). I'm still not 100% sure about his theory, but I respect him enough at this point give it a go.

Sangha

So today the last part of the yoga teacher training started again.

I couldn't get the time off work so I'm waking up ridiculously early to go to work before going to the lectures. First day, I'm not too tired, but am feeling a bit down. My best buddy Helena isn't doing the last level with us because she couldn't get time off work either and I really miss her.

Something really special did happen though. We had the normal introductions in the beginning - we all know each other really well at this point so it was of a recap than anything else, or that's what it was supposed to be. The question was "why do you want to be a teacher", but it ended up being what does yoga mean to you and how has it changed your life. And everyone had the most amazing experiences to share, and there was genuine laughter and genuine tears, and we were all just in awe of each other. I wish I could explain the feeling of true community that we have, but words fail me... I can just say that it was something incredibly special.

On the other side, physical practice wasn't happening at all. We first practiced some advanced arm balancing poses - but I can't do any of them because of my weak wrist so I was just observing... then practice afterwards... well, I got trough first few sun salutations but both my heart and body were feeling so weak I had to go to child's pose for the rest of the practice. It wasn't even great mental practice - sometimes I've had very weak physical but strong mental practices, this time not so much. Like my heart was empty... I tried crying but even that wasn't happening.

I walked home with Sue and Kiki and Nicole, and didn't say much... and they didn't need me to.

Sangha.

Dragon and the Maple Leaf

This past Friday whole Vancouver celebrated Canada Day. Streets were filled with bewildering array of people from all over the globe: Japanese, Chinese, Europeans, Native Canadians, South Americans, Africans, Oceanians and countless others, all decorated with Maple Leat motifs and Canada slogans. This is one of the great strengths of Canada in general and Vancouver in particular. This city is truly a city of immigrants, and here no-one feels excluded or out-of-place. Even I, not really suited to such displays decided to take a temporary tattoo of a Maple leaf -and since the money went to a children's hospital it was a really good cause.

Even the Football World Cup did not cause any real bad feelings amongst our ethnically diverse studio beyond some friendly teasing of the fans of the losing team. In England, if you are a forigner after a game that England lost, you'd better watch out -you'd get no mercy from the violent yahoos that roam the streets of Britan, looking someone to blame for the loss.

In Vancouver, people are happy if you are happy, regardless of of your ethnicity. That is something for everyone in this world to learn.

Teaching and learning

I'm continuing to teach my little class at work, and I have my core group of regulars who obviously get benefit out of the class... once in a while a new person comes in, stays for one class and never comes back. For those people, it's not suitable for one reason or another - so far they have all been new to yoga, and maybe just haven't seen the point of the type of very light exercise we do.

Until yesterday. Art, one of our contractors, wanted to join in and of course I'll welcome anyone. I often start with few minutes of silence, just the get the students out of working and into some quiet time. Just sitting quietly for few minutes, eyes closed, relaxing and emptying the mind. But it seemed like he wasn't listening at all - he was looking around, rolling his eyes, sighing, huffing and puffing... ok, maybe he didn't hear what I said I though, but it just continued all the way through the class. Doing all the moves and poses half-heartedly, not concentrating, his balance was all over the place. So I thought he would be one of those whose thing it just wasn't and I'd never see him again.

But he stayed after class to talk to me, and wanted to explain how he had done years of hatha yoga and how he was headstand was his favourite pose. Well, I don't know what he was thinking I would do - but he certainly didn't have the patience, humbleness or courtesy of a yogi of several years. If I didn't like what was taught to me, for half an hour the least I could do would be to be quiet. Hell, just meditate for half an hour if nothing else was piquing my interest.

Sometimes I see people like this in yoga classes, and I've never got what they get out of it. Like this guy Vincent who comes to all the advanced classes... so you'd think he'd be, well, advanced. And he is pretty flexible, however he doesn't really have much strength, and absolutely no form. He's one of those people who all the time is looking around, twitching nervously, rounding his back, and definitely not listening to what teachers say. He's going through the motions, but there's no connection to the breath, no grace, and in the year I've known him he hasn't improved in a single pose. On the other hand, he's a really nice guy who's always cheery and happy and chatty - but in conversations he never listens to what you say either. Obviously he gets something out of the practice as he's a regular... but damned if I know what.

Of course people have different practices, and I'm judging (yeah, that's the word) him purely based on what I see outside. It just boggles my mind that someone who's so busy outside could be peaceful inside.

Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

What can I possible say about one of this year’s biggest anime hits in Japan, Kyoto Animation's Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu) without giving out any spoilers? I’ll try anyway, as this is a series we’ve really enjoyed watching because of its superb storytelling and plotline, and its fantastic characters.

Story starts… well, here’s the first problem. The story doesn’t actually start from the beginning, but from a disastrously bad amateur film the characters in the series will film later on. It makes very little sense at this point, but it’s funny as hell - mainly due to the cameraman’s sarcastic commentary about the film’s weaknesses and misgivings.

Then the story starts. It’s the first day of high school and first year students all come to a new school. Amongst these are Haruhi Suzumiya who immediately proclaims that she’s not interested in mere humans but wants to meet time-travelers, aliens and espers, and Kyon, the ordinary boy who sits in front of her in class. Haruhi is an incredibly forceful personality and since none of the clubs in the school interest her she ends up forming one of her own: Save our world by Overloading it with fun Haruhi Suzumiya's Brigade (the S.O.S. Brigade for short) where Kyon is dragged (literally) against his will. Other forced members in the club are Yuki Nagato, a literary club member who inhabits the club room SOS Brigade invades, a second year student Mikuru Asahina (because “strange things always happen when Lolita-type character is around” according to Haruhi) and a transfer student Itsuki Koizumi (because “mid-year transfer students are suspicious”, again according to Haruhi). So far so good – these couple of first episodes are dead ordinary high school anime with over the top silly characters, and Haruhi charging around making life miserable for Kyon and Mikuru.

At this point it’s worth mentioning that Anime News Network classifies Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya in the comedy, psychological, science fiction and supernatural genres, and the reasons for these follow shortly in the next episodes. How the story opens up is done very cleverly – the episodes are not shown in chronological order but in a random order the “ultra-director” Haruhi Suzumiya decides. In one episode we come across something very strange, and then in the next episode some of the background is explained and pieces of the puzzle start coming together. But it’s done so well it’s never hard to follow, and it always always leaves you wanting for more.

Animation and voice acting are also very high quality – pretty much all the major characters have excellent expressive voice actors, but if I had to pick a favourite it would have to be laconic way Tomokazu Sugita plays Kyon (who, if I had to pick a favourite, would also be my favourite character).

The anime is only 14 episodes and although it kind of leaves the story open for more, no second season has been announced so far. On the other hand it’s a complete story that does work on its own – despite the strange ordering of the episodes there is a beginning, middle and an end, and despite the end actually being in the middle of the story it does finish off in a very satisfying way. I would love love love to have more, and I hope they translate the original manga over here too (now there’s my limit – I won’t download literary material, I just can’t). So far the series hasn’t been licensed in US, but fansubbed episodes are easily available on your average friendly torrent site.

Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya has been the best new TV series this year. Get it, watch it, love it. You’ll thank me you did.

The Brief History of the Dead by Kevin Brockmeier

Kevin Brockmeier's The Brief History of the Dead is based on an old African belief of the "living dead" - an idea that as long as there is someone alive who personally remembers you, you won't be truly dead. Only after the last person who remembers you dies, do you actually cease to exist - your name might be remembered and songs may be sung of you, but once the personal connection is gone is a person truly gone.

Scenario is following: there is only one person in the world left alive after an epidemic that has swept every corner of the world. The last living dead are the people Laura Byrd remembers, and they live in a mysterious city trapped in time as the people they were when they died. Laura's parents are there, her former best friends from school, her former lovers, the blind man who used to beg in front of her building and hundreds and hundreds of other people who have left some kind of mark on her. She herself is fighting for her life in Antarctica trying to get sense of what's happened and if there's anyone left alive in the world.

When I started listening to this book I was completely mesmerized by the fantastic idea and the storytelling - nothing much happens as such, but the story slowly unfolds when characters in the city interact with each other and tell their stories. Until pretty much very end I wasn't sure how it was going to end: if Laura would die and take the living dead with her, or weather she would find other people and survive. It's well written and I think it retains the tension until the very end, and I did care about most of the characters and what happened to them.

But then something happened and I got thinking about death. I mean real death, and it's finality. How remembering someone will never be like being with them, and how even memories will fade. How I still sometimes painfully miss my grandfather who died over 10 years ago, and how I wished there was some way I could still meet him and talk to him... and at the same time knowing that it will never be, and that my memories are the only thing left.

This book is a fun bit of speculative fiction, but it pales in comparison to real life. And I can't find the depth in it that I did in the beginning.

Air by Geoff Ryman

Yesterday we had the second meeting of my little book club. This meeting got postponed several times, but we finally got together to talk about Geoff Ryman's award winning Air: Or, Have Not Have.

This is a wonderful book, no wonder why it's won the awards that it has - it's won British Science Fiction Awards, Arthur C. Clarke Award and James Tiptree, Jr. Award, as well as being nominated for a Nebula. It's literary value is undeniable: it's one of the best written books I've read in a while. The story takes place in a little fictional country somewhere in the border of China, but the way Ryman describes the culture, the people and the relationships is so vivid you can just see everything in your mind's eye as it happens.

Although the base story is science fiction - coming of Air, a new post-internet 11th dimension networking technology to a backward isolated village - the real value and meaning of the story is in the characters and their relationships. The main character is a woman named Mae who has an accident when an Air test is performed in their village, and who is determined to make sure that the village is ready for the inevitable coming of the technology. Ryman is one of those very rare male writers who can write good and believable female characters - as you would imagine, in a little mountain village the basis of the society are the women, and Ryman describes them with superb finesse and sensitivity. In fact, all his characters, male and female, are some of the best written characters I've come across with.

These were all the thing we agreed on. However it's not a book of the year for me for two reasons. Firstly, no matter how good the writing was - and I can't emphasize enough that it was really first class - the book is not a page turner. It's a delight to read, but on the other hand it's just as easy to put aside - there are only few scenes where you have to keep reading. Second reason was purely to do with a plot element that would be too much of a spoiler to go into, but it's enough to say that there was one thing in the book that was completely imaginary while everything else was realistic and it really bothered me.

It's a good book though, and I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anyone. Because it's rare literary value I would recommend it to people who normally don't read science fiction - they might even enjoy it more, especially if you consider the plot element that I had problem with an allegory (I'm just too damn literal for it). I wouldn't be surprised to see this book in the Hugo short list later this year.

Leap of faith

I got an invite from my friend Sue this week for the opening of her own combined tea house and yoga studio. Wow - I have to admire her courage! She's the same as me, a tech head, and she got fed up with her life... quit her job yesterday and opened her own studio.

So today I went to the grand opening. Studio is at Commercial Drive and 10th Avenue, upstairs to a Tai Chi society. It's very cozy and warm (especially at this weather - hot), and lots of people had turned out the celebrate. Saw lot of friends, some from Flow, some teacher trainers, and even Shannon popped by... I promised to go and see her studio soon, I've been meaning to do that for ages anyway. She looked happy and healthy, and I do miss her and her classes. Sue herself was completely exhausted having worked on the studio every evening and weekend for months, but at the same time very happy... she said that she wanted to create a team and a community in the studio and wanted to find teachers to help her with it. Who knows, maybe after I have my qualification I'll ask her if she wants my help. It's great creating these networks with all the yoga people, we have a great little community forming here.

See more photos here.