More TV - and bliss

This morning I went to shoot another three TV episodes with Jason and Kelly. This time was different from the last though as we had a guest teacher teaching the classes - her name is Padma and she's a well-known meditation and yoga teacher here in Vancouver. The three sessions that she did were not so much about asana as philosophy: we did few few very basic poses (and when I say basic I mean the likes of tadasana and savasana) and pranayama.

We had some technical difficulties especially shooting the start of the last episodes - we had to take the beginning where Jason wanted to say "We're here with our good friend Milllla [I've taught them to pronounce the double-L in my name and now they overdo it] who's come all the way from Helsinki, Finland" at least three times which cracked me up every time. I guess I was playing the ethnic minority this time...

And weirdest of all - in front of the cameras and the crew, with interruptions every few minutes, I did some of the best yoga ever. Padma had the most wonderfully sensitive way of teaching, and although the pranyama what we did was pretty basic it just hit the sweet spot for me. I was immediately full of ideas for my own classes, and for my own practice. I was nervous when getting there because I wasn't quite sure what it was going to be like (meeting this scholar Padma everyone has been talking about), but this time was such a contrast to last time when it was so hot and exhausting - this time it was so cool and restorative.

I don't think I'll be shooting any more episodes, but these two times have been a fantastic opportunity and great fun. Padma is also coming to teach us some classical yoga history in the teacher training, and I'm very much looking forward to that.

Friends in need

I keep myself busy. Yoga, meeting friends, reading, watching TV...

I keep thinking and missing my dearest friends in Finland. But yesterday we went out to celebrate our friend Dan's birthday - we gave him a slick black new iPod video of which he was chuffed. I'm lucky to have such friends, they are bit of a mad and noisy bunch but I wouldn't want it any other way. They know what's going on so they are sympathetic... none of us are from Vancouver so we naturally gravitate towards each other lacking other anchoring friends.

Still breathing.

First timers

Another attempt to get the gang going for healthy living ended up with just me and Clay attending... this time though it was yoga at my studio so it didn't really matter to me who was coming. Still, I can't say I don't enjoy getting people to do yoga... and Clay thoroughly enjoyed himself and will be back. Warms my heart.

Funny thing was that we were going to split up into to two groups - and it just happened that I was taking the guys to yoga and Dragon was taking girls to the gym... I don't really understand that either, maybe it's some kind of new man and/or new woman thing. Personally I think everyone should try everything no matter the gender, and you will find the form of excercise that suits you.

Beautiful day

I was so tired yesterday and my feet were hurting so much I was sure I was going to be super-sore today. Not so, I don't even feel stiff... maybe it's just my cardio that needs work and my muscles are pretty much ok.

It felt weird going to work today, it's like I had been away for a very long time - that's a sign of a very good weekend. Feeling a bit detached maybe, but overall keeping positive. The weather is finally good so it's not too difficult. I've finally learned to let go of the Finnish habit of always taking a jacket with you everywhere, even in the summer... I leave to work before eight just wearing a t-shirt and it's warm enough, and will be for the whole day.

Lunch time we sit on the balcony and talk about summer.

Grouse Grind

Last Thursday we decided with the gang that on Sunday (that's today) we should do the infamous Grouse Grind. Grouse Grind is a hiking trail that runs under the Grouse Mountain gondola - it's 3 km long, but rises a distance of 900m or so, and we've been hearing these horror stories from people who've done it. How they are out of breath after two minutes while pensioners run past them full speed.

I always though that they were just out of shape sissies. You know, I exercise three to four times a week, my cardio is good, I'm in good shape. Show me a trail and I'll hike it, no problem.

This morning though four people cancelled for various reasons, but as Dragon went to work me and Clay decided to do the hike anyway. We had our water bottles, our sun protection, and we were on the base of the mountain 9:30, enthusiastic and ready to go.

What everyone failed to explain in the humorous horror stories though is that we're talking about 3 km of stairs. My Lonely Planet guide describes it "more like an outdoor Stairmaster than a hike", and for a reason. The trail doesn't level off at any time. It just goes up up up, on stairs, rocks, trees, roots. Some people say that average time to do the Grind is one hour, that most people do it in 1,5 hours.

It took me and Clay 2,5 hours.

It's all true. Not only do the pensioners charge past you at full speed, also perky families with their kids, couples on dates, and some mad people even running the extremely popular trail. After the first quarter of the trail there was a warning sign saying that it would get hard after this - and this was straight after the stairs had stopped and we had been climbing on rocks for the past 100 meters. At that point I wanted to give up, but I knew there was no way I would get down those cliffs anymore.

I can't emphasize this enough - it never levels off. It's just climbing, lifting one foot, then another. And it goes on for three fucking kilometers. I tried to keep a steady pace, and keep regular breaks. My legs are half the length of Clay's, so I probably had to take the twice amount of steps he did... He went up at his pace and would wait for me and we would sit for a moment and let the pulse go down.

Views on the top are fantastic, and we took the Skyride down, oh yes we did. I'm really glad I did it, and I'm so proud of me and Clay actually going for it even if everyone else bailed out. It was also incredibly hard, and it came to me as a surprise exactly how hard it was... I don't know if I want to do it again - there are plenty of "normal" hikes around Vancouver and I think I'd much rather do a trail that allows me to take in the incredibly beautiful nature we have here, not only during a panting break.

See more photos here.

Midsummer

I'm quite aware that it's midsummer in Finland.

Here in Canada the evening is hot and beautiful. All the balcony doors are open and I can smell the neighbour smoking pot, again. We're watching Naruto and everything is peaceful.

Same to you, friends.

Down and out

We went out with friends yesterday evening. There had been an unexpected death of a close family member of one of us, and I had my issues - so it was all about sharing the love and concentrating on good things in life.

In the night I woke up again with the severe stomach pain. I'm feeling a bit edgy so I decided to go to the doctor in the morning, at least then I wouldn't have to wonder about it. The doctor was absolutely lovely, and he said that it was probably a combination of something I ate and stress... Would seem to make sense. I felt a bit silly afterwards - I never thought I'd be one of those people who would go and waste a doctor's time with minor little things like stomach aches only to be told that it was because I was worrying too much. I think he kind of sensed that so he suggested that considering my family history if I wanted to get tested for celiac disease I could get the blood test done. I took him up on that offer and will probably go and get it done tomorrow, when I can take Dragon with me as blood tests tend to make me pass out.

Dragon and the music

Today, my ipod had run out of charge before I got into gym, so instead of my usual gym staple of Rammstein other metal sounds, I had to listen to the gym's on selection of mind-numbing, soul-destroying pop tunes.

As hard as I tried, I could only lift around 80% of my max weights. It is incredible what a huge difference the music makes.

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing

I got more bad news from home this morning. I feel detached and unreal... trying to concentrate on work, meeting friends. Yoga, meditation. Awaken. Kelly's class today was absolutely smoking - she was full of beautiful strong energy and the room was nice and hot, my breathing was great and so was the practice. Breathing must be one of the most amazing things about ashtanga style practice - when the breathing is right you can do anything, and you can cope with anything.

The trick is to keep breathing. After yoga and meditation it comes more naturally, I'm more aware of my breath and it's effects than even a year ago.

The one where girl inspires

I was back to work today.

Work was busy as always, but it feels like I'm in the eye of the hurricane. Yes, I'm doing many things at the same time and I'm working hard, but all the shit that's happening seems to avoid me like a water off goose's back. It's good - I mean, that's what I've been trying to do for a long time. I would like to think that whatever I'm doing right inspires people around me. People see how I am, how I react to things, how I look. And they come and ask me about yoga, they ask me about meditation and they want to learn. The best way really - if you push people and tell them what to do they are much less likely to do whatever it is that you're trying them to do, no matter how good it is for them.

Take my colleague Don for example - now there's a boy who likes his food. He sits next to me so I know the amount of food he eats, and when you're past 30 let's face it starts to show around his waist. So we talk about everything under the sun, from anime to raising kids, and healthy living does come to it once and a while. But sometime last week he started wanting to come out to lunch with me and Michelle, and today I asked why he wasn't going out to lunch with Devinder anymore - and the answer is that Don has been slowly changing his habits... first leaving out the twice a daily coke, and now he's stopped eating crap for lunch and wants to come out with us for a more healthy alternative. Next thing he's going to do is not to have those two bags of crisps on top of it.

I'd like to think I had something to do with it. Now I could be that I'm being overly optimistic and it has nothing to do with me. Quite possibly. Still, I'm very proud of him.

Sickie

I woke up last night with a horrendous stomach pain, and spent a very painful half an hour in the toilet. So no work today. I've been lazying around (as the photo shows) - not feeling that sick really, but just exhausted and spent. Mostly reading, sleeping, watching a little TV.

It's been a beautiful day outside so I've had all the balcony doors open and let the wind blow in.

Peaceful weekend

No show

We went to see Pavarotti's farewell tour tonight.

While we were walking there I was wondering about the lack of the more sophisticated people amongst the BC Lions fans that were on their way to the building next door to watch their home team (that's Canadian football for you out of town). Reason soon became apparent - the concert had been cancelled due to maestro's illness, only no one had bothered to tell us. I knew some of his dates had been cancelled in Europe earlier this spring, but since no one let me know otherwise I always assumed he was still doing the North American tour... That's it for Ticketmaster customer service, it's not like they didn't have my email address.

Oh well, we came home and watched some mindless testosterone entertainment in the form of Unleashed which had gotten really bad reviews so we weren't expecting too much. But Jet Li was absolutely wonderful - so tender and sensitive I've never seen him that way. Yeah, the plot was full of fairly massive plot holes, but I loved every minute of it.

Sleepless Dragon

It is a curious thing: whenever I am tired because of stressful work, I simply cannot sleep. My brain needs hours of silence in the dark of night to calm down. Books, games, movies or getting into bed don't seem to help and only make me more restless. Only quite room in semi-darkness seems to do the trick of calming down my mind.

I walk not awake, not in a dream, I walk on the edge of the night.

Kylie

I'm bringing my neurosis' to everything I do. Teaching yoga, sure. I think I've twice now had a nightmare about teaching - nothing too bad, but I've been in a situation where everything has been going tits up in class and I'm left looking a bit foolish. Last night was a prime example - as I said I had been thinking about the music to play in class and I was trying very hard to remember to bring the CDs with me to work this morning, so of course that's what I was dreaming about. I dreamed that I put on the CD and I had accidentally chosen to play Kylie Minogue - I think the song was Locomotion, and lets face it, it ain't exactly the spiritual calming effect I'm looking for.

Truth was fortunately a bit better - I did remember to bring the correct CD with me, but unfortunately the stupid Sony in the room refused to play the self-burned disk. Still, no music is better than Kylie... (and I mean in the class, I love Kylie - on the dance floor). Next time I'll try hooking my iPod to the system.

Moderation on

Like pretty much every man and their dog, we've been getting some comment spam slipping through the before trusted spam filter. So from now on, I've set moderation on - your comments won't immediately show up but one of us has to accept them first. Exception are the authenticated TypeKey users - so if you register with TypeKey, I'll authenticate you after your first comment (leave a test comment here, for example) and after that your comments will show up as you submit them. If you can't be bothered with it, don't worry - if you wait, we will accept your comment in time.

Titus Alone by Mervyn Peake

And so I've come to the last of Mervyn Peake's Gormenghast novels, Titus Alone. In the end of previous book Titus leaves Gormenghast to find himself, and in this book he meets a lot of people on his journey while still being quite alone. It all starts in a very intriguing way when Titus stumbles into a nameless city - but unlike age old Gormenghast, this is a modern city with cars and planes and skyscrapers. In fact for a while the book changes genre altogether: it becomes dystopic science fiction with it's floating surveillance devices and a twisted dark underground world.

The book is very episodic - Titus moves from place to place, from person to another, from lover to hater. He doesn't make friends but evokes strong emotions - maybe it's the way he keeps telling everyone that he's the 77th Lord of Gormenghast which kind of alienates them. Or makes them fall in love (or in lust) with him. Most of the time he's acting like a 5 year old, and you just want to slap some sense into him - but in many ways he is very young and very immature because of the way he's been brought up in Gormenghast.

It's not a very good book. It's important part of the Gormenghast trilogy, but it's not a polished or well planned or whole as the other two books. And although Peake always planned to write a fourth book (so that the whole story arc would take Titus from cradle to grave) this book had a wholesome ending to the saga. There are many parts of the book that I thought were unnecessary or shoddy, but then those gems, oh those moments where Peake gives his all, they make it all worth it.

30 seconds to thunder

Today, a new experience.

I was asked by my teachers to take part in the little yoga TV show that they are currently filming, so today I took the afternoon off work and went down to Chinatown to Channel M studios where the show is shot. They shoot three half an hour episodes at a time, and there are four people in the group at a time: Jason, Kelly and two students, this time it was me and Connie (from teacher training).

It was really lot of fun, but also hard work. First we got make-up done and got changed into yoga clothes, then it was straight into the studio. Studio was very small - four yoga mats pretty much filled it, but with very nice atmosphere with red brick walls and candles. There were more people behind the camera and in the front of it - two cameramen, a director, and several producer-type people. First we were plagued with technical difficulties and had to start again for three times before all the mics were working, but then we were on.

This is very little like taking class. Episode is divided into four segments, which means we had did yoga in 5+ minute sections and then took a break, with bigger breaks between the episodes. It was fun though - Jason and Kelly are funny, and the crew was really relaxed and joking. I don't envy their jobs though... I was completely exhausted after few hours under the very hot lights and heavy make-up, and I'm only starting to feel human again after a shower and some relaxing on the sofa. Doing this four times a week must bet quite a trip. I believe we shot episodes 4, 17 and 24, and they'll start showing this new season sometime in September, but I might also go back for few more episodes, we'll see. I'll update you again when I'll get to see myself on camera...

And if you're wondering about the title, that's one of the queues the floor manager was using to warn us about the start of the filming. Most people know about how they count down from five, with "two" and "one" being the silent hand-sign only counts, but there is also a special sign for 2 and 1 minutes and 30, 15 and 10 seconds. Cool to learn new stuff.

Ambientcellist - share and enjoy

One (of the only) requests I've got so far about my yoga classes has been Peter wishing for some music. He's now said it twice so I guess he really means it - so I've been listening to my CDs and thinking about what kind of music would be suitable. I want something instrumental, and I've been playing with the idea of playing some anime music - especially Fullmetal Alchemist and Nausicaä, maybe a bit of Spirited Away or Howl's Moving Castle thrown in. However I would have to think about the mix quite carefully as it should be very peaceful, and all said soundtracks have some really intensive music that would completely spoil the mood.

So yesterday I was listening to one of the Ambient radio stations on iTunes doing something else when I hear this really interesting piece - ambient with cello, and immediately I knew that would be perfect music for a slow yoga class. Turns out the artist is called Claire Fitch and she has published two CDs called Ambiencellist and Ambiencellist, part II. So while hunting her music I came across Magnatune.com - with a tagline We're not evil - what can you do but love it. This is a great site - I would list all the reasons why they are not evil but it would take too long so I suggest you just go and read it yourselves... I'm just going to say that not only did I get a great deal with the two CDs I bought and downloaded, they also want me to give it away for free for three of my friends.

So if ambient and/or cello is your thing, send me an email and six first lucky ones get a free, legal and high quality download of of one of the Ambiencellist CDs (you can listen to them in their entirety beforehand - how great is that?). In the words of the immortal Douglas Adams: "share and enjoy".

Life as we know it

Yeah, I'm still alive, I've just been busy.

Yesterday we went to Abir's birthday party - I can't believe it's been yet another year since the last party. There were less people there than last time, but this time I knew quite a few of them - last time the only person I'd met before was Laura. Fun was had but we left relatively early (2 am) as I had to work today.

Luckily the gods of testing were on my side and my work didn't require me to go to the office - often I prefer to be at the office when working, but this time so much of the time had to be spent waiting I was glad I could do something else meanwhile. After about four hours of work we got the news that the project would be delayed... yeah, nice that I don't have to work any more this weekend but goddamn couldn't they have made the decision yesterday!?!

My meanwhile activities consisted of taking photos of my newly opened lilies on the balcony. I'm really falling in love with the Lensbaby macro lens, especially the closer one - for example I had no idea that Royal River lily had a bright yellow stigma until I took my camera on my hand and put it next to the flower. I mean, it's quite obvious if you look at the photo from last year, but it just hadn't registered before. I have a feeling my lily photos this year are going to consist mainly of these close-ups...

Inside

The best thing about teaching, hands down, is the looks on the students' faces after the class - the look of bliss and relaxation.

Outside

Today's nice surprise was yoga in the park. I went to yin - Kristin was teaching as Kelly and Jason and shooting their latest TV series - and she suggested that we go outside as the weather was quite nice. We walked for couple of minutes to a close-by little park at Coal Harbour and set down our mats. It's just so amazing living in this city right now, in this period of my life. I was laying there, my mat on the grass under a small chestnut tree, looking at the mountains and the forest and the blue sky, in a middle of a busy marina. Practice wasn't maybe the most concentrated, but it was a fantastic experience.

Later today I was writing a script for my lunch time class tomorrow, I realized that I was actually eagerly looking forward to it. You see, deep inside I don't think I was expecting to like teaching, not the way it's turning out to be. I complained earlier about the lack of feedback from my students, but although that's lacking there is a connection that is developing and strengthening. I had to cancel the class next week as the meeting room we've been using was booked - and immediately people came worried asking why it would be... it felt good that it mattered to them, and I'll try to reschedule the meeting some way.

Call of duty

I opened the program and thought for a half an hour what to write.

It's not that I don't have anything to write about, in fact my head is spinning with what's currently happening at work. Things are not too good, unfortunately - our department is far too busy, so we've been hiring like crazy. Since I started working there about 10 months ago, we've now tripled the head count for QA - for a moment the company was considering moving to a bigger premises but in the end decided against it. So now we are overcrowded, in a space normally meant for four people they are starting to put six, imagine working so that you have someone a foot away from you... We at automation still have our space (me and Don are gathering all our stuff on the desks between us so no one gets any ideas), but some people are getting seriously upset, even to the point of considering quitting. Not only is it uncomfortable and hot, it's also damn disrespectful towards the employees. That's one thing, but in addition to having to work in discomfort, there is still too much work. Other departments have their thumbs up their asses and do whatever they please, but our holidays have been cancelled and we're having to work extra hours. If something goes wrong, it's always our fault.

I'm actually good at chilling out, and most of this doesn't affect me directly. When I started working again, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't get onto a corporate ladder, that work would never become a priority in my life again. And I've kept that promise - and not only that, I've let everyone else around me let that know so they know what I'm willing to do.

But it's another thing to watch my friends go through that... and yes, it makes me feel guilty, yes it makes me want to help them and share the responsibility. So I'm torn, torn between selfishness and self-preservation and loyalty and sense of duty.

Yogathon

I did the Yogathon yesterday. I didn't actually feel like going at all, the weather was gray and miserable and for some reason my right shoulder was aching too... if it had been a matter of going to class I would have totally skipped it. But as it was for charity, and I had gathered $230 from my wonderful donators (you know who you are - I love you!), I had to grin and bear it. Luckily Helena was picking me up so it was just a matter of walking downstairs and getting in a car.

Once we got it everything changed though. Atmosphere was nice and relaxed, and we found Nicole immediately and went to set down our mats. Yogathon was held, like last year, at the Plaza of Nations which is a glass-covered outdoor area - there's a wooden floor and lot of light, but it's intimate enough for an event like that. We spent some time walking around the booths gathering some freebies and meeting friends - yoga is so networked in Vancouver and it's funny that I'm already starting to be in it.

This year the object was to do 108 minutes of yoga, instead of the 108 sun salutations we did last year - I think last year they must have had problems because if your technique is not good you're gonna hurt yourself. For those 108 minutes we had ten different teachers, all representing different styles from Yin to Iyengar to Ashtanga to Kundalini to Anusara. And some others too. It was quite lovely, and it was really nice seeing all the different styles. Our Bernie taught the Yin and he was as great as ever (although I wish they had put Yin as the last style). The Iyengar teacher was a lovely old lady, not unlike my first Iyengar teacher Pat, and she had that precise comforting Iyengar style. The Ashtanga teacher was a bit too uptight for my taste, and I absolutely hated the Kundalini section - I've never done any Kundalini style before and this one with the Breath of Fire (is it Kabalabati or not?) made me hyperventilate and I had to lay down. Anusara teacher was Dan and he was fantastic, and there were some other good teachers too from styles I can't remember anymore.

In the end of it I was almost surprised on how fast and easy and fun it was. 108 minutes sounds like a lot because I'm used to ashtanga, but mix it with some easier more relaxing styles and you've got a lovely relaxing practice. I'm really happy I went (although my shoulder is still bothering me).

Awaken

I got some news from my family in Finland few days ago that made me stop and think. You know, why are we here and what's life all about. For a moment there I was scared and weepy and I just wanted to go back and be there for them... I guess in many ways that's my typical reaction to everything, fight or flight. I was later thinking about what Bernie was talking about last week - his guide to mindfulness is as follows:

Allow or Accept
Watch
Act
Keep at it
Expect the best
Now

Whether it's about meditation, or panic attacks, or getting bad news from home, it's good to practice mindfulness.

Allow - let the emotion come, trying to stop it will make it worse.
Watch - examine the feeling, to get distance to it.
Act - after you've understood what you're dealing with you can choose to act. Choose. Not randomly react.
Keep at it - repeat. Until it works.
Expect the best - positive attitude is key to mindfulness.
Now - whatever may happen, live in the current moment. Appreciate what you have and don't worry too much about the future.

After talking with the folks last night I realized I was overreacting once again. It's better to know, even when it means change. Everything is good, and situation is under control.

Gormenghast by Mervyn Peake

I actually finished this audiobook before the teacher training, but I haven't had time to write about it until now. Also Gormenghast after the delights of Titus Groan was a slight disappointment... I've been digesting and thinking what I was disappointed with it and I've come up with two things.

Firstly, Mervyn Peake's use of language was really running amok in this book. The phrases and pages and pages of descriptions were amusing and sharp in the first book, but in Gormenghast he sometimes gets lost in his own jungle. Also the things that he describes are not so interesting to me - my favourite characters are sidelined and more meaningless scholars are put in their place. We are almost third into the book before the previous protagonist Steerpike makes his first appearance, and Titus who is the center of this book never quite raises to his level. Ten years have gone past and Steerpike has schemed himself into a very important position in the castle, although not without raising some suspicions amongst the saner castle inhabitants.

Secondly, there are some pointless events (and that's all I can say without heavy spoilers) towards the end of the book that seem to be there only to get Titus to leave Gormenghast (which he does in the end of the book - next book is called Titus Alone). This, together with diminished focus on Fuchsia, my favourite character, made the book less enjoyable than I had hoped for.

Although I do have to say that there are some ingenious scenes in this book - meeting of Irma Prunesquallor and Professor Bellgrove is pure comic gold, and Mr. Flay trying to find the source of the haunting laughter in the catacombs chills me to the bone when I even think about it. Also I loved the character of the Countess Gertrude - such a strong and original character. Also Fuchsia's slow descend into deep depression in her father's footsteps is very real and touching, so subtle it can only come from someone who has first hand experience of the terrible illness. It was still a good book and well worth a read - the third book Peake didn't have time to finish before his death, but I'm going to read it anyway to complete the series.