Eat, breath, sleep...

I hate how office work makes me feel. Two days in the office, and I'm already as stiff as a board. I'm still dreaming of yoga all night. Most often is Surya Namaskar, the other night I woke up in the middle of the night in an up-dog. Funny how it just got so to the core with me.

Today was supposed to be an advanced level flow class, but everyone was so tired we changed it into a yin class instead. There were two Korean girls in the class, who stopped in every pose to take photos of each other - they spoke very bad English but seemed to be having fun.

In the end of the class I was happily laying in my Savasana, and Jason has tucked me in with a blanket - I was feeling comfy and relaxed. Jason was picking up the blocks from the floor and putting them into place - but he was lazy and was doing it by stepping on the edge hard trying to get them to jump up (like a skateboard) and I heard to noise and turned to look - and got hit by a stray block straight on my nose. We couldn't stop laughing for the rest of Savasana.

It's exactly what I needed: relaxation and a giggle. Work is so... well, work.

You can hardly call this snow

Snow

I got a text message from Chu over the weekend just saying "Snow! 8)", and I sighed and looked outside where sun was shining from a clear blue sky. Not that I should complain when weather is good in Vancouver - but from that moment on I started missing snow. I never missed snow in England so it's weird I start missing it now.

And this morning I was rewarded - or should I say punished - because it's snowing today. It's not the kind of snow I miss though - the temperature is probably pretty much 0 C so it's not so much snow as wet sleet... some of it sticks to the ground but most of it just slushes around the ankles. And of course, Vancouverites can't handle snow because it's so rare here - traffic is in chaos and natives are bewildered... Me, with my friends from Winnipeg and Siberia just laugh.

In the spirit of The Insult Comic Dog, I'm gonna say what everyone else is thinking: Vancouver is a pussy!

Dragon the Devil

DISCLAIMER: Sorry for writing this in Finnish, but the subject of pre-censorship of video games in Finland needed some attention with my mother tongue. Thanks to Mikki and Jaakko for bringing this to my attention.

Syvällä Gehennan uumenissa, ikuisen kadotuksen kuilussa sijaitsee Helvetin kauhujen pimein pätsi: pelialan yritys.

Siellä pelifirman kidutuskopeissa valittavien silkohapsisten, suurisilmisten pienokaisten ulina kantautuu pelimogulien ilkeän röhönaurun ylitse. Mutta armoa ei tipu. Pirulliset pelialan demoonit juonivat uusia kauheuksia kansakuntamme pienten toivojen pään menoksi: Marion viikset ovat petollinen portti pornon pariin, ja Final Fantasyn ylisuuret miekat ovat selviä homoeroottisia fallos-symbooleja. Viisikannoilla koristelluissa kokoushuoneissaan pelien tekijät mylvivät mielihyvästä keksiessään uusia subliminaalisia viestjä peleihin joilla Koti, Uskonto ja Isänmaa saadaan ajettua lopulliseen perikatoon: Uusin Harry Potter-peli nostaakin noituuden vitsauksen sellaiselle tasolle Kuopion kristillisten pikkutyttöjen keskuudessa että Kyöpelin-vuorelle joudutaan louhimaan pari uutta parkkihallia luudille. Need for Speed sarjan uusin tekele nostaa poliisien murhaluvut Nykissä katastrofaalisiin korkeuksiin aiheuttaen Wall Streetin romahduksen. Yhteiskunta on polvillaan tämän Pahan Voiman edessä.

Rikinkatkuisten huurujen keskell istuu itse Suuri Sarvipää: Pelisuunnittelija, tuo Helvetin Arkkiherttua ja Vanha Kehno, jonka diaabolisen mielen syvereistä leviää myrkkykaasun lailla tuo vitsauksista kauhein: video- ja tietokonepelit.

Pukinsorkat kopisevat palavilla kekäleillä kun pelisuunnittelija, tanssahtelee valssia ajatellessaan tuottamaansa tuskaa: pikku-nassikat kastelevat housunsa nähdessään painajaisia Silent Hillin hirviöstä. Jotkut saattavat erota kirkosta, toiset hyppäävät Stadionin tornilta kuolemaansa ja kadotukseen. Tällainen on pelisuunnittelijan kauhistuttava mahti, joka järisyttää maan perustuksia ja syöksee Nokian pörssikurssin kuolonkierteenseen. Pelisuunnittelijan häntä piiskaa ilmaa viuhuen kuin ruoska hänen ajatellessaan kuinka pienet taimet hellien isien ja äitien tarhoista riistetään vastoin tahtoaan keskenkasvuisina pois terveitten harrastusten parista videopelien synkkään mailmaan jonka ainoana mahdollisena päämääränä voi olla vain itsemurha ja kansainvälinen terrorismi.

No, minä olen tuo pahan ruumiillistuma, pelisuunnittelija. Voin kymmenen vuotta alalla olleena todeta kuinka sama virsi on soinut erilaisissa muodoissaan koko urani ajan: milloin roolipelit johtavat itsemurhiin, million paholaisenpalvontaan, milloin Doomin pelaaminen saa pikku Johnnyn tarttumaan konetuliaseeseen ja lahtaamaan kaikki luokkatoverinsa ja pari opettajaa siinä sivussa. Kukaan ei ole kiinnostunut siitä mistä pikku Johnny sai aseen jollaista ei edes armeijassa saa helposti käsiinsä. Ei, syyn täytyy olla peleissä. Loputtomat oikeusjutut ja tutkmukset ovat aina osoittaneet ettei peleillä ole ollut osaa eikä arpaa lasten väkivaltaiseen käyttytymiseen. Mutta todellisuus ei hetkauta pelien vastustajia: vuodesta toiseeen sama aihe pulpahtaa pintaan kuin mätä omena vesitynnyrissä: Pelit turmelevat nuorison! Nyt on vuorossa Tarja Salokosken väitöskirja.

Minäpä kerron jotain: Jos jollain viihteen alalla pohditaan tuskallisen tarkasti ikärajoituksia ja pyritään välttämään tarpeentonta kohua, se on peliala. Kulutamme mielestäni nykyiselläänkin aivan liikaa aikaa ja resursseja itsesensuuriin pelätessämme yleisen mielipiteen kääntyvän lopullisesti pelialaa vastaan. Ikärajoja pohditaan tuskallisen tarkasti ja monia täysin turhia sisällön poistoja suoritetaan kukkahattutätien pelossa. Pelien osittain baanaalin alhainen kypsyys verrattuna muihin medioihin on usein juuri äärimmisen tiukan ikärajavalvonnan seurausta: useimpia vakavia aihepiirejä kuten ihmissuhteita, moraalin ongelmallisuutta tai sotien väkivallan raaistavaa vaikutusta ei peleissä juurikaan uskalleta käsitellä sensuurin ja skandaalien pelossa. Lisäksi perheelliset ihmiset ovat vallan kahvassa miltei kaikissa pelifirmoissa. Monet pelit esisensuroidaankin firman sisällä ihan johdon omasta toimesta.

Kutakuinkin kaikki seksuaalisen tai väkivaltaisen sisällön omaavat pelit ovat kovin, kovin kesyä kamaa kirjojen, television ja elokuvien vastaavaan tarjontaan verrattuna. Myös nitä medioita on aikanaan vainottu ankarasti, kunnes ne saavuttivat tarpeeksi vakaan aseman yhteiskunnassa etteivät kukkahattutädit enää kykene niitä heilauttamaan. Pelit eivät vain vielä ole saavuttaneet yhtä vahvaa asemaa, ja niiden lobbaus ei ole riittävän tehokasta päättävissä elimissä.

Hiljattain Grand Theft Auto-pelin aiheuttama kohu olisi ollut koomista minkä tahansa muun median tapauksessa. Keskiverto K-15 elokuvat tarjoavat niin paljon rankempaa sisältöä että kaikkein pahamaineisimmatkaan pelit eivät pääse edes iholle verrattuna uusimpien teini-elokuvien väkivaltaan, seksistä nyt puhumattakaan. Siinä missä veren näyttäminen videopelissä tuo K-18 rajoituksen niin että heilahtaa, moinen meno elokuvissa olisi pliisua ja saisi yleisön vain närkästymään peittelystä. Pelialan ikärajojen säätäjät ovat erittäin tiukkoja näiden säädösten tulkinnassa, eikä hötkymistä linjasta sallita. Sen sijaan Jurassic Park elokuvassa joka on sallittu lapsille (olikohan 3. osa?) T-Rex pureskelee äijän kahtia jotta rouske käy. Itseäni se ei haitannut elokuvankaan kohdalla, mutta missä on tasapuolisuus?

Jos pelaat uutta (asianmukaisesti K-18 luokiteltua) Resident Evil 4 peliä, joudut peliä ladatessasi lukemaan varoituksia pelin sisltämästä väkivallasta sinivalaan kokoisilla kirjaimilla. En muista elokuva- tai TV-tarjonnassa nähneeni koskaan vastaavanlaista varoitusmerkintöjen määrää. Jos vanhemmilla olisi edes rahdun verran kiinnostusta nasujensa hyvinvoinnista, niin pelien suositusikrajojen noudattaminen olisi takuuvarma keino pitää edes etäisesti arvelluttava materiaali poissa pikkuisten taaperoiden silmien edestä. Mutta ei. Kuluttajat tarvitsevat suojakseen esitarkastuksen Suomessa.

Uusien pelien määrä on valtava. Suomen hallituksen pitäisi palkata kymmeniä uusia työntekijöitä käymään läpi koko uusi tuotanto, myöhästyttäen uutuuksien saapumisen Suomeen. Kärsijöinä olisivat maahantuojat ja voittajina hakkerit. Ainoa mitä tällaisella saadaan aikaan on laittomien, valvomattomien pelien hankinta netistä, sillä ihmiset hankkivat haluamaansa tuotetta jos kokevat sen kieltmisen tai markkinoille tulon viivästymisen järjettömäksi.

Pyydänkin päättäjiä harkitsemaan uutta tutkimusta tasapuolisuuden nimissä. Jotkut pelit on tarkoitettu aikuisille, ja hyvä niin. En halua omistaa koko uraani alle kaksitoistavuotiaille. Ikärajoituksia on kunnioitettava kaupoissa ja kasvatuksessa, emme me niitä varoituksia pakkauksiin huviksemme lätki. Ne ovat riippumattomien ammattilaisten harkitusti suosittelemia. Niitä seuraamalla ja kuluttajia valistamalla saavutetaan rutosti enemmän lastensuojelun saralla kuin kieltolailla. Kaiken lisäksi vakasti otettavat tutkimukset osoittavat peleillä olevan kaikkea muuta kuin haitallisia vaikutuksia nuorisoon, tehden koko väitöskirjasta kyseenalaisen.

Teacher training, day 10

Ten days of yoga, altogether 60 hours of yoga is now behind me.

I started at nine this morning with Janet's fabulous morning yoga classes that I absolutely love. They are hatha and very gentle, but to be honest at nine am there's not a lot I'm even capable of doing.

After the class we got down to business - Kelly was with us once again and we went through some last touches on the last poses. We also discussed what was going to be going on with the levels 2 and 3 of the course in six months time - getting into more advanced poses, anatomy, yin, marketing and Kelly dropped the bomb that by the end of third level everyone would teach a real class at the studio - what a fantastic opportunity.

We then had Dan Clement of Indigo Yoga come and hold us a mini-work shop about "Physics of Flight", about jump-backs, jump-throughs and handstands. This was very interesting - it's a fairly complicated area and in a normal class there just isn't enough time to go into them. Dan had beautiful balance and stunning vinyasas, but he had slightly different philosophy on some asanas than Jason and Kelly. For example, I've been taught that in dow-dog my elbows should be pointing downwards to open my shoulders - I like that, it works for me quite well. Dan was saying that elbows should point to the sides and he was quite adamant about it and saying that it was the way to create a stable foundation for handstands. He also told us to lock the elbows in handstands - I can't do them because of my wrists, but it sounds wrong... I've been taught that one never locks any joints - however I don't really know much about handstands so he could be right. I also found out that what comes to jump-throughs I'm severely limited by my short arms, it's not about strength as much as about proportions - if my arms are so short that I can lift myself off the floor while sitting down, then nothing is going to change that. I'm slightly disappointed with that, but it is what it is, and there are other things I can do to compensate.

Lastly, we had the opportunity to pair up for the last time and teach the whole routine to each other. This time I was partnering with Trevor - normally in advanced classes I always practice next to him, he has a beautiful practice - he complained in advance that he was terrible, but turned out to be just inexperienced. He says he doesn't enjoy teaching and only did this class to deepen his knowledge - I think though that he could be a wonderful teacher. Anyway, I think I did my best run so far - clearly experience is the key here. I also find that I like it... physical adjustments were beyond the scope for this course, so we only did verbal adjustments which forces you to verbalize your thoughts which was difficult but also very useful.

Some more photos of the last day. I can't believe it's back to work tomorrow morning.

Teacher training, day 9

I started the yoga day with Lily's flow class - I think Jason is trying to expose us to different teaching styles as much as possible which is certainly interesting. Lily was a giggle, again totally different approach to flow than our other teachers. Not very demanding, but it doesn't always have to be.

We only had three hours of lectures today, so we finished going through our class scripts - Padmasanas and Savasana, and then teaching the seated sequence to each other. Today I partnered up with Rick which was a bit intimidating as he's just come back from Mysore and therefore had the "advanced" aura in my head - but he turned out to be not scary at all. Funnily enough, seated series seemed a lot more complicated to teach than the standing series - I have no idea why. I plowed through it though with Rick's gracious help... I'd like to say I'm getting the hang of it, but I'm not sure if that's true - it's true in the way that I'm becoming more used to it (comfortable? I'm not going to say that), I know that the nervousness goes away once I start. But not in the way that I still get lost for words and have to stop and think how poses are done, and I have to go about doing it myself before catching on.

After the practice teaching (and I got more sweaty with teaching than practicing!) I asked Rick something that has been bothering me, I asked if he found my accent a hinderance in understanding me. He said "not at all", which basically meant that all the funny looks were just about me forgetting what to call those thing in the end of your legs and so on... felt relieved.

(It's funny what yoga does to your mind - I was watching Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones yesterday, and when the enemy general says "We must order a retreat" the first thing that came to my mind was a yoga retreat with meditation and gentle asaana practice... I couldn't get that image out of my head...)

Teacher training, day 8

More teaching today, we finished up with the seated series and taught the whole thing to each other in pairs. Today I paired up with Thara, a lovely girl who has a wonderful practice and a great sense of humour, so I was happy to partner with her. I find starting difficult, I feel flustered and scared - but after couple of breaths it starts going. Obviously, I'm still not comfortable doing it, but that's nothing unusual at this point of course. And still, so much to say, so little time. My weakest points are left and right - I can't tell the difference on a good day, so that's where I constantly stopped: "And raise your..." [vigorous thinking, pause, pause] "...right arm up...". Jason's tip was to use landmarks in the studio - "pivot on the back foot towards the mountains" or "hips pointing towards the windows" - I think that's going to work better for me. I don't find postures difficult - I know my asanas, I know my breathing, I know the instructions - difficult bit is to relate this information to the student. I believe I will have a lot to give, I just need a way to verbalise my inner workings.

Afterwards I took a class of one of our new teachers at the studio, Eila (who - despite the name - is not Finnish, but British) as everyone had been going on about how great she was. She was different, for sure - very flowing practice but completely different from Jason and Kelly's "more traditional" approach - and I wouldn't have described them like that before. Slow, but beautiful - I can understand why people like her. She had an interesting way of not using the Sanskrit names for asanas but the English ones - I took this to mean that she wasn't comfortable with them, but when we were laying in Savasana she sung us a beautiful Sanskrit chant. So one never knows.

I wonder if from now on I will always be listening to a teacher with my own teaching in mind? Now I was constantly thinking what she was saying - and what she was not saying - and what worked and what didn't. When I wondered this aloud with the girls, Suli pointed out that after a while it probably becomes that you pick out the things that are good and different and "ignore" the rest. She's probably right.

Teacher training, day 7

We had the luck of getting Bernie Clark for couple of hours today to finish his presentation of modern history of yoga. I'm just very impressed by Bernie, his wealth of knowledge, his storytelling skills and his humour. We talked about some of the more popular styles of yoga around at the moment (like Bikiram which is huge in Vancouver), the personalities and events. I have to say there are couple of styles I'd like to try - I've only got experience of Iyengar, ashtanga and yin, but I'd love to try Bikram and Kundalini too, just to see what they're like.

Then we continued on with the asana teaching, finishing the standing series and started on the seated one. I just feel so... privileged being here with these people - not only my talented and passionate teachers Jason and Kelly, but the other wonderful people that share their time with me. My fellow students also bring their knowledge and wisdom to the table, and everyone is always ready to share their experiences and learn from each other. That shows the humbleness of everyone - no matter how many years you've studied yoga, wether they're "teachers" or "students" are always listening to each other and learning. The amount of times I've heard "oh, that's a good idea" from everyone when someone suggests a way of teaching an asana.

After the lectures we had our second mandatory primary series practice - I say mandatory, but it's the same class I take every week anyway. What was different though was that practice was totally rocking, I was 101% concentrated and even the balancing postures were spot on (my normal weak spot). I wish I'd have the words to describe how this all makes me feel - on the other hand it feels divine, but on the other hand it feels so natural, like I've always been doing it, like it's the most natural thing in the world.

I don't want to think about it yet, the but voice on the back of my head is telling me that I need to back to work on Monday.

Teacher training, day 6

Today I wandered over to Banyen Books on 4th to buy the anatomy book that was recommended (and will be required on the later levels), Anatomy of Movement by Blandine Calais-Germain. I love Banyen - it's wonderfully and wackily new age-y, but it's also got a huge selection of really good books on variety of subjects including anatomy. I love going there even if I don't buy anything, it's got a quiet calming atmosphere I love to soak in. This time I got the book I came for, plus I bought a little statue of Shiva as Lord of the Dance, and Paul Grilley's new yin yoga DVD.

So, it was anatomy day today. Michael Conroy, a yoga teacher and a physiotherapist, came to give us a very brief lecture about anatomy. And quick - three hours isn't really enough to get into anything properly, so we quickly run through the skeletal, muscular, cardiovascular, nervous, respiratory, lymphatic and digestive systems... all this, and Jason drove me home in the middle too to get the adaptor our lecturer had forgotten home so we could actually connect his Mac to the projector to show off his slides. I think the lecture was good, but it would have greatly benefitted from us having the lecture notes as it was so heavy on, well, information. I need to read the book a bit and digest the information some more - and of course we'll get more into the subject on the later levels of the course.

Practice afterwards was good - I think dissecting the poses on the lectures has been really beneficial, I find I'm concentrating more on my bandhas, and generally I'm just more aware even in very basic postures.

Teacher training, day 5

I feel fantastic today. It's been a busy day again, starting with a practice with Shannon at ten. Something is different, my practice is very light and flowing at the moment, everything makes sense. I can't put my finger on it, but so much of it seems just... effortless.

On the lectures we continued going through our class script, today starting with the standing sequence. We paired up for partner teaching again, and I went through both Surya Namaskars with Nicole - definitely better than yesterday. It's weird how you just forget the basic vocabulary when doing this - I was trying to remember what to call "feet" and Nicole forgot what "chest" was... I guess all this becomes automatic in time. For now, it requires a lot of work.

I stayed after class for a yin class which felt really good, too. One of the things that might contribute for the general well being currently could be that I've been sitting on the floor (in Virasana as that's naturally the most comfortable position for me, much better than cross-legged) which after the first really painful day has become quite comfortable. I don't constantly need to shift about which my fellow students find puzzling, in fact I haven't really even thought about it until they mention it to me. Then there's eating - I eat low fat vegetarian food that I've cooked myself, often and in small portions, and drink lot of water... when I break it apart like this it doesn't really seem that surprising that I feel well.

Dragon in the Darkness

Today as I was doing bench press at my gym, suddenly all the lights went out. It went from bright halogen-induced light into totall darkness. It was a weird experience, as I was left holding 275 lbs without being able to even see the bar. I quickly re-positioned the weight and shouted “Is everyone OK?” One by one, people around me told that all was fine. One of the gym staff appeared telling that they were trying to restore the power.

About a minute passed, and then I heard a familiar clicking of metal. Somebody was hoisting dumbbells around. Then on my right-hand side a man gave a determined grunt as he got back into position on the Smith Machine. I gripped the bar myself and decided to finish my session, come hell or high water. Soon everybody was exercising at full tilt despite the darkness. Lights did not come back (I learned entire blocks had lost power) but everyone finished their training.

Dangerous? Yes. But my respect for my fellow gym members just jumped up several notches.

Teacher training, day 4

Today we got down to business. We dissected Surya Namaskar A by going through all the poses, discussed them and did them with modifications, and after that we got to teach it to each other. Teaching yoga, that's the whole point of this exercise... but let me tell you that it's a lot more difficult than it looks. First of all, I've got about about five seconds max per breath to give instructions: "Inhale, hands up", "Exhale, dive down" and so on... and it isn't a whole lot. Nicole was my guinea pig and very gracefully she took my instructions - I guess it was ok, but I was nervous as hell. Very interesting though... or "learning experience" as my mom would call it.

Then I stayed with Helena and Stacey for a beginners class to observe it (which is part of the training), and that was very interesting too. The whole class starts with confusion when everyone are wildly flailing about with sun salutations, but by the end of the class the people have harmonized and are moving in unison and finish with a harmonic Om. Very impressive, I'm glad I got to see that.

What would a day be be without practice though, so I stayed for the advanced class. It's strange, I would have thought that the whole day would have sucked all the energy out of me, but on the contrary I had an excellent practice and was feeling very strong. There might be something miracle-ish going on here too as my wrist has quite unexpectedly gotten a lot better due to a supplement I've started taking (but more on that later) - the result is of course that my yoga is a lot stronger when I don't have to shy away with putting weight on my hands. And that reflects in pretty much every single pose.

Hard work, but worth every second.

Teacher training, days 2 & 3

This is hard work! I don't know what I was imagining, but somehow I thought I'd have an easy week with lot of free time and I'd just go to yoga and some nice lectures now and again. Having just spent the whole weekend doing little else than the training, I can see that I was completely wrong... this is going to be a full-time thing.

On Saturday we had a full primary series practice followed by a lecture by Bernie Clark about history of yoga. Practice was good - it's interesting to see "the other people" in the class too, and some of them are even total newbies to the ashtanga practice. Personally I don't understand it - I wanted to of course get qualification for a style that I love, but several people seemed to have jut picked a convenient course and have never even done an ashtanga style practice before. Then again, there are several reasons for people wanting the training - some of them just want a complementing exercise to their skills list, there is for example a guy who's a personal trainer, another one that runs a gym and a martial arts dojo and third one who's a soccer coach. So why not, we all have our reasons.

Highlights have been two Bernie's lectures though. He's a very good speaker and knows his stuff - he started with the ancient history and the pre-Vedic ages (around 6500 BC), went through Vedic, Brahamanic, Upanishadic, pre-classical and classical yoga on Saturday, and continued with the Tantra, Hatha and Modern yoga today. He's a fabulous storyteller, and he had a story to tell about everything - the heavy history dotted with the hard-to-pronounce names and holy books could be difficult otherwise but he totally made it come alive. My only regret was the we didn't have time to go through the very modern yoga history (from the past 20 years or so) - but then again if the price was that we got to hear his wonderful stories, so be it.

I should really start with my homework and start my class script, but I'm just too tired tonight. Lecture doesn't start until after one tomorrow, so I'll have time to do it then... just no lazying about.

What yoga is for me

Yoga for me is a personal thing. It started out as exercise but has evolved to a more life changing more spiritual thing. It has changed my life because it has allowed me to get to know myself better, it has allowed me to see life's real priorities like relationships and physical well being over career and material things. It keeps me from staying in the office too late, it connects me with my fellow yogis, brings balance and clears anxiety and confusion.

Yoga teacher training, day 1

Finally... the teacher training I've been waiting for so long started today.

There were about 19 of us in the end, and we started out with a flow class. It was a beginner-intermediate class which I haven't attended for ages, but the room had lot of energy and I got a really good practice. Lately I've been working on my down-dogs (yes, after three years of yoga), especially opening up the shoulders and turning the elbows downwards - it uses completely different muscles than if you don't turn your elbows, so it's really hard work, but on the other hand the open shoulders that result from it feel good. Today was really the first day I've been able to do down-dogs with this style when I didn't have to rest for several times - and in so many ways the practice was just spot on too. Otherwise pretty normal class, except in addition to instructions Jason kept adding in tips on how to teach the poses and what to look for in them.

To my surprise there were several of my yoga buddies in the class - not just Sue, but darling Annalies, Trevor and Nicole where there too, and looks like even Kristin might attend the classes - which was all fantastic. With that many people, there were many different stories, many different reasons for people to be there. I'll hope to get to know more of them, they seem like cool people.

After the class we had a lecture - it was mostly introductory stuff, starting from where the toilets are to going through the class structure and timetables. The idea is that Jason and Kelly will be teaching us a primary series-based flow class that we in theory could then take and teach ourselves - I hope we have time to do it, time is quite tight in just 60 hours that this first level has. In addition to lectures and classes every day we have Om-work (get it? get it?), some kind of brief home work: mainly prefatory reading, but we'll also be preparing a script for the class we're learning to teach.

We were encouraged to keep a journal throughout the course, so I'll probably be writing mine online in hopes someone else finds it useful too.

The light is on...

I've never really done this before, but in the past month or so, I've forgotten my keys home quite a few times. It's really embarrassing - twice I've been lucky enough that Dragon has been home, once he got home within minutes of me looking confused outside our door. Today I also forgot my mobile phone home, so I couldn't even call him when I discovered I was the first one home... and it was only a little past seven so I knew it would be a while still... so I had to ask Gerry our building manager to let me in. Gerry didn't mind and was giggling a little, but I found the whole thing very unpleasant. What's wrong with me, my memory can't be going quite yet.

Revelations about working

It's like I'm suddenly finding new resources in myself, like for the first time ever I'm really starting to work to my full capacity. I loved my previous job - but I was half of the testing team of two, working very closely with my boss so there was very little independence. I had my own features to test, but we were testing the same product, and were overlapping somewhat and always talking a lot about what we were doing. It never bothered me, and I didn't particularly want the responsibility considering that it was my first "proper" QA job.

Now, I'm one person in a team of 12, testing as many products - so there can't be any overlapping, or even much hand-holding. And after several months of settling in, I'm now fully working, fully getting into my own speciality. And this week I've had several "holy shit, I really know my stuff" moments where without guidance I've been able to do the task I've been given - and not just satisfactorily, but honestly job well done, and with the thanks to go with it. Today Gino, my manager, described us (mainly him and me) as "firefighters", as a team that is put to work when something urgently needs to be done. Which sounds quite grand, but what it really means is that when something that hasn't been planned (and therefore there are no resources for it) comes down to QA and shit hits the fan we're the ones that have to drop what we're doing, roll up our sleeves and start testing.

This seems to mainly happen on the days when I've taken my yoga stuff with me and have planned to go to yoga - then the word is given and we shrug our shoulders and get down to it. The weird thing is: it would never occur to me to do anything else - but I've been now told from several sources that apparently that's something that's unusual and something they really value about me. But it seems that there are lot of people who don't do this, no matter how obvious it seems to me - people who moan and bitch about work that they don't like, and just don't do it, or do it badly. It certainly was never something I came across in working culture in England, let alone Finland. Weird.

That time of the year

It's starting to be that time of the year when snow creeps in - not to the city, but above it. One morning you wake up and you see that it has been snowing on the mountains: there are spots of white and the forests are like silver with a light snow coating. And you can even tell what the temperature is outside by how the snow line is - yesterday morning (when this photo was taken) it was very cold.

Fleshmarket Close by Ian Rankin

Ian Rankin is an excellent crime writer, and his latest Inspector Rebus novel Fleshmarket Close does not disappoint. This book concentrates on a contemporary issue of hate crimes and asylum seekers - Scotland has in the past few years taken a large number (in relation to its population) of them and it has been causing problems. In the book John Rebus (who hasn't even got a desk after relocating to a new offices - a not too subtle hint from his superiors that he should seek retirement) has been assigned to investigate a murder of an unknown victim, believed to be a target of a race crime, on a volatile and violent Edinburgh housing estate called Knoxland. His friend and colleague DS Siobhan Clarke is working on several seemingly unrelated minor cases, each are trying to take the best out of a bad situation.

You would think that the issue of asylum seekers and refugees would be a dead horse as a subject by now, but Rankin tackles the issue masterfully without lectures or finger-pointing. Book's plot is fairly complicated with so many cases going on and several characters involved with them - but somehow it never gets confusing or tedious. Rankin's strengths are in characters, though. This is the second Rebus novel I've read, but it's number 15 in the series so you could argue that he's had time to practice - but whatever the reason, John Rebus is one of the better characters in crime fiction. But it's really character of Siobhan that most impresses me - I just mentioned how annoyed I was with the weak female characters in 1st to Die, and Siobhan is on the other end of the spectrum - in my mind the best female character as written by a male author. Honestly, she's so real because Rankin doesn't make a big deal out of her gender but makes her human - still somehow keeping the touch of that femininity.

That's it - I can't wait for another year for another book. I need to get my hands on the 13 previous ones.

RIP Eddie Guerrero

When I wrote the previous entry, I had no idea I would be writing another memorial in just a few hours. And this one, much more personal.

WWE wrestler Eduardo "Eddie" Guerrero was found dead in his hotel room this morning. He was only 38, but he had apparently died of a heart attack. You can find detailed descriptions on his illustrious career and his skills elsewhere, I'd like to remember my favorite wrestler on a bit more personal level.

I had the privilege to see Eddie perform live numerous times. First time was in a house show in 2003 in London, where he totally won my heart with a passionate performance – he was a trickster, and loved to perform in front of a crowd. And that's how I want to remember him – when performing in a front of a camera he was always conscious of the camera, and doing the show for the fans at home. When he was in a small house show surrounded by just thousands of people (instead of millions) he was much more relaxed and much more friendly.

And he always, always, gave everything to his fans. I remember queuing up to see him in Nottingham last year when he was signing autographs – unfortunately we didn't get to see him as he spent a lot more time with individual people than what had been allocated: in words of a security guard: "Unfortunately, he's a very nice man." And as a fan, as someone who wants to see and meet performers face to face, there's nothing better. That time it meant that we didn't get to meet him, but it always brought me pleasure to think that those that did get to meet him got his full attention, and that he too wanted to meet them, not just sign autographs on an conveyor belt (and I've met those too).

He died way too early, and my heart breaks when I think that I'll never see him again - but he also leaves a wife and three daughters, and a large extended family who now have to live with the presence of his absence. My heart goes out to them, as they are the ones that are really hit the worst by this. It is tragic that he had just days ago celebrated being sober and free of drugs for four years, and things were really looking up for him both personally and professionally.

Eddie will be sorely missed, and long may live the memory of Latino Heat.

Thanks to Henri for borrowing this marvelous photo of Eddie that captures so much of his ring persona. See rest of the photos in his gallery.

RIP Michael Piller

I just found out today that one of the best and most important Star Trek writers, Michael Piller, died this week after a long struggle with cancer. He was the executive producer of The Next Generation from season three onwards, and co-creator of my favorite Deep Space Nine as well as Voyager. Many believe that he was responsible for Star Trek's successful rebirth - he held the reigns tightly and always knew where he was going. He was a great man, a visionary and carried well the torch passed on to him by Gene Roddenberry. Star Trek was never the same, nor will it ever be the same without him.

For more personal tribute, read Ron Moore's goodbye to him.

Can someone explain this to me?

Xenocide by Orson Scott Card

It's been while since I read the previous Ender Wiggin book, but I always kind of wanted to read more. Xenocide has been playing for couple of weeks on my iPod and I finished it yesterday. Again, Orson Scott Card changes his style from the previous book - Xenocide is very slow and philosophical book where were little is happening and much is said.

The book picks off where Speaker of the Dead finished, relatively anyway - as in ships traveling near the speed of light time slows, for some people only a month has passed whereas planet-side it's been 30 years. Most of the book is dedicated to philosophical nature of the impossible situation the planet Lusitania finds itself in. There are three distinct intelligent species on Lusitania - the native Pequeninos, instectoid Buggers with their hive queen and humans, of which the first two are unique and only exist on Lusitania. There are two problems - firstly, there is a virus called descolada that is in every living thing on Lusitania that is extremely contagious and kills everything foreign it comes in touch with, including the small human colony that is slowly running out of options as the possibly also intelligent virus adapts to their defenses. Secondly, there's a fleet sent by the Starways Congress to destroy Lusitania and it's inhabitants, and stopping the fleet would most likely kill the fourth intelligent being present on the planet, the multi-dimensionsal being called Jane.

So problems are numerous but can be condensed to one question: who has the right to live? The small human colony on Lusitania? Their survival depends on the destruction of possibly intelligent descolada virus, who in turn keeps everything else on Lusitania - including the Pequeninos - alive, and destroying it would mean killing them. On the other hand the Hive Queen is building ships to escape Lusitania before the destroyer fleet arrives - but they in turn would take descolada with them that could then threaten rest of humanity. Stopping the fleet in turn will most likely cost Jane's life. I found the philosophical discussions extremely interesting, as there really are no good answers.

Then towards the end the question suddenly became about physics, and a completely new world model was created that makes all the questions pretty much irrelevant which was a bit of an anticlimax. Card's characters are all just bunch of Mary Sues, and they can solve these impossible problems in the matter of days when it comes to it. The invention of outer space means that anyone can create anything just by wishing it into being, which was really too much.

But still, I quite enjoyed it, and I can't even explain why. It was a very well written book, and for most parts logical and enjoyable. Now I'm too into this story, and I'll probably have to get the next book too...

Getting there

Work is getting more interesting - I'm creating, and the changes in the department and our team mean that I have a possibility to affect the future processes and therefore my future work. That gives me satisfaction - sometimes it's nice to hang your brain on the hook and do some manual crunching, but for me the real satisfaction comes from innovation.

Anyway, we're getting the day off tomorrow as it's Remembrance Day - BC is one of only two provinces in Canada that has 11th of 11th as a public holiday. Not that I'm complaining, some time off is definitely welcome - I might even manage to do some shopping I've been promising myself. It's not that I don't want to do it, it's just that since the yoga challenge I just haven't been able to gather enough strength to do anything else but rest. Three day weekend should be enough to get proper rest.

Or I don't know if it's really about rest at this point - it might be just laziness. The thing is, most of the time it's raining outside and it comes down to how much I really want to get out, and unless it's about food that chances are not that much.

Next week is going to be short week again - as on Friday I'll finally start my yoga teacher training. I've been going easy on my body after the challenge, but now it's time to start gearing up again. Apparently there are going to be about 15 people on the course - and yesterday I found out that Sue, one of my yoga buddies, is going to take it too which is fantastic. I've got my time table, I've got lots of enthusiasm and I'm all set to go.

Puzzling

There are nine balls, all the same size, but one of them is heavier than the others. Using scales, explain how you can find out which one is the heaviest ball, in fewest moves possible.

I love logic puzzles, but I absolutely suck at them. This is one of the puzzles that's currently used for interviews by my team - I'm so glad that they didn't have this when they were interviewing me. I know what they are after - they want to see how peoples minds work, how they approach a problem and how they can deal with stressful situations. But I'm not sure if this kind of a puzzle is the best possible way of finding out - personally I would just totally panic and probably freeze, I would imagine that they are looking for the right answer and if I couldn't provide that - which I wouldn't - that would be the end of it. Still, I believe I'm good at my job, and I'm good at methodically testing software, and that in my job I'm capable of "thinking outside the box".

On the other hand, interviews are difficult. I don't think there's a foolproof way of finding out only suitable people and dropping the bad eggs. How to get sensitive nervous people like me out of their shells so that they can shine and tell you all the relevant information, and yet still see through all bullshitters and ignore them. For my previous job, in the interview I was given the API for a small Java program and was asked to write a test harness for it - trivial for me as that is my core skill, but it would be impossible to do in a short space of time for someone who wasn't used to it and knew only vaguely what to do. So that was a good test. For the current job, I wasn't fortunately asked to do any tests - I was nervous as hell as it was.

Oh, and ten points for the first one who can tell me answer for the puzzle without googling it.

Dragon in the rainbow gym

With my new job post at Vancouver Downtown, I've changed my gym again. This time, I've selected a Downtown gym in the West End, with huge selection of weights, machines, aerobic classes, squash courts as well as boxing and martial arts areas. It is also the first gym I've joined where the significant majority of the gym members are gay.

It is not so much that the gym is a gay gym (even though the gym had significant presence in the latest Vancouver Gay Pride parade); it is simply located at the heart of the Vancouver's "Gayville" and therefore attracts lots of health-conscious males, even though there are quite a few female and straight members as well. For me, it is interesting glimpse at the way a minority group differs in the way of their gym etiquette and training routines.

Here is couple of observations:

There is much more hugging and kissing and smiling between men. Lots of the members are couples training together, so this is hardly surprising. It threw me off couple of times at first (I am more used to grunting and swearing males in my gyms), but now I find it quite heart-warming.

Spotters are much easier to find than in average gym, and people tend to be friendly, smiling, and always willing to help you out.

It is funny that it is the good-looking guys instead of the girls that turn the heads. I know this is kinda stating the obvious considering the clientele, but after training so many years in straight gyms, the culture shock is considerable.

Intensity of the training is perhaps somewhat lower than in most hardcore gyms I've been (as people tend to chat a bit more), but the gym members are far stricter with their diets, and it shows in the number of really ripped men around the gym. People also seem to stick to their training regimes rather than training on and off depending on whether it is the beach season or not.

Steroid use seems little bit more common here than in UK and Finland, which is hardly surprising considering the ease of acquisition. On the other hand, the gym clientele seems to favor different drugs than Europeans -and it might be that the gays don't want all that acne that is the side product of the stronger 'roids. Also, the mass building drugs seem to be rarer than those that cut fat. Again, this might be a side effect of the preference of the users.

All in all, I like my new gym.

Vamos, mi amor

I felt kind of special when I came home tonight and there was a message in the answering machine from the Mayor of Vancouver. The feeling was slightly dampened by the fact that it turned out to be a pre-recorded election message, but hey, still.

Today was an excellent postage day - three packages arrived that I've been waiting for. Firstly, my final birthday present for Dragon finally came. Secondly, some extra memory for the little Mac came (faster than expected) - I've installed it which was more tricky than expected, and included running to buy a new screwdriver in the middle of the operation - but it's in now, working and my baby's running as smooth as silk.

But lastly, Rammstein's newest CD Rosenrot arrived from Europe. I've had one listen through so far so I can't say much yet - sounds pretty much like typical Rammstein to me, which is of course by no means a bad thing. I need to put it into my iPod and listen to it a bit more tomorrow. But this much I can say - Henri is right, Te quiero puta! is indeed pretty insane. More later.

Geekyness

I was planning to go to a yoga class today, but some work came up and changed my plans and I spent the evening there instead. When I was leaving my boss asked me if I wanted a Futureshop (gadget store) or Chapters (book store) gift voucher, which was much appreciated - not of course worth my time but still a nice gesture. However that was a tricky choice - is my love for technology bigger than my love for reading and books? In the end I decided that if it was a matter of $50, it had to be books - that'll buy me couple of books whereas $50 worth of technology isn't really that much. If only all my problems were like this!

And while in the subject of technology, have I told you lately how much I love my little Mac? It's the little things that make a difference - for example I like to change my desktop image fairly often: it's usually something topical like a TV series I watch, WWE PPV or indeed a movie I've seen. So this weekend I had to choose which one of the Pride and Prejudice wallpapers to choose - but the thing is, with my Mac I don't have to choose: I can download them all and then set them on automatic rotation, OS X changes them for me every 15 minutes. I know, I know, I'm extremely geeky and this is a minor thing, but it's one of those minor things that make the user experience with my Mac so pleasant. It does nice I things I want.

Apple of course is taking all the advantage of my newfound fandom and sent me an email today giving me suggestions on what I should give to my family as for Christmas. I think it's a bit ambitious even for them to think that I would buy a computer each for my parents though...

Sunday morning rituals

Believe it or not, I woke up this morning because sun was shining in my eye. Honestly, this is the first time I've seen sunshine for weeks - but of course it didn't last. Whether Vancouverites did the traditional thing and ran outside for a walk I wouldn't be able to say, as I dedicate my Sunday mornings for talking with my loved ones in Finland. Time difference is 10 hours, so it puts some restrains on when it's possible to have proper discussions (lets say, three hours or so). Basically, when it's 9 a.m. here, it's 7 p.m. in Finland - if you go the other way around, 9 a.m. in Finland would be 11 p.m. in here which is too late for me (I want to be bed by 10.30 p.m.) - so morning phone calls are the best compromise time. And since I'm normally at work at 9, it needs to be on the weekends - on Saturday morning I'm just too tired, so Sunday morning it is.

Anyway. Before the marathon call I need to get all my things and get comfortable - I make a pot of tea (for which, the new thermos tea pot is just perfect as it can keep the tea hot for over an hour), breakfast, maybe some fruit, pillows... and then I'm ready to begin. I'm usually done around noon, depending on how early we get to start, and from that often follow very lazy Sundays. Reading books, playing games, watching TV, the way we like it.

I'm very content at the moment... work is good, challenging enough but hours are good, yoga practice is going well and I'm very happy with Dragon - I think that's why these lazy Sundays are so satisfying: nothing is missing.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I've just got to love the internet - you're pretty much guaranteed to find most classic books that are in public domain for free, and with any luck as hypertext with references and explanations of more obscure references now completely incomprehensible. So yesterday I was looking for Pride and Prejudice, and was not disappointed - I found the whole book with original illustrations. So of course I had to read through my favourite chapters, and I thought I'd share them with you.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.

And so it begins - one of the most famous opening words to a book. Mrs. Bennet has just found out that Netherfield Park has finally got new residents - and it's a single man, and with four or five thousand pounds a year - perfect husband candidate for one of her five daughters. Luckily Mr. Bingley comes to the next ball with his two sisters, the husband of the oldest, and another young man who turns out to be called Mr. Darcy.

Mr. Bingley was good looking and gentlemanlike; he had a pleasant countenance, and easy, unaffected manners. His brother-in-law, Mr. Hurst, merely looked the gentleman; but his friend Mr. Darcy soon drew the attention of the room by his fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mien; and the report which was in general circulation within five minutes after his entrance, of his having ten thousand a year. The gentlemen pronounced him to be a fine figure of a man, the ladies declared he was much handsomer than Mr. Bingley, and he was looked at with great admiration for about half the evening, till his manners gave a disgust which turned the tide of his popularity; for he was discovered to be proud, to be above his company, and above being pleased; and not all his large estate in Derbyshire could then save him from having a most forbidding, disagreeable countenance, and being unworthy to be compared with his friend.

It is of course in this ball that Mr. Darcy first lays his eyes on the second oldest daughter of Bennets', Elizabeth, and doesn't find her impressive in any way.

"She is tolerable; but not handsome enough to tempt me; and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men. You had better return to your partner and enjoy her smiles, for you are wasting your time with me."

Elizabeth takes this to heart and it's the start of the mutual dislike. Mr. Bingley however is well received and loved by all, and dances with Elizabeth's elder sister Jane twice, more than with anyone else. Situation soon changes though, and in the next ball Mr. Darcy starts to admire Elizabeth, who now in turn refuses to dance with him, even when prompted by Sir William. This gets Miss Bingley's attention who has her eyes on Mr. Darcy and his ten thousand a year.

"Your conjecture is totally wrong, I assure you. My mind was more agreeably engaged. I have been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow."

Miss Bingley immediately fixed her eyes on his face, and desired he would tell her what lady had the credit of inspiring such reflections. Mr. Darcy replied with great intrepidity,

"Miss Elizabeth Bennet."

"Miss Elizabeth Bennet!'' repeated Miss Bingley. "I am all astonishment. How long has she been such a favourite? -- and pray when am I to wish you joy?"

"That is exactly the question which I expected you to ask. A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment. I knew you would be wishing me joy."

Meanwhile, Mr. Bingley's feelings for Jane deepen, but unlike Elizabeth, Jane is accepted by his sisters and is invited to visit them in Netherfield Park. Due to Mrs. Bennet's scheming, Jane takes a horse instead of carriages and gets wet and ill when it starts raining - and is forced to stay at Netherfield Park. Elizabeth soon joins her sister and spends days looking after her, in which time Mr. Darcy's feelings for unsuspecting Elizabeth start to stir while jealous Miss Bingley looks on.

Mrs. Bennet's plan to get Mr. Bingley more attached to Jane works well, but is interrupted by arrival of Mr. Bennet's cousin Mr. Collins who is to inherit his fortunes and property after his death. At that time, women couldn't own any property so the daughters and the wife would have no security whatsoever without charity from more well off relatives (this is also the reason it's so important to get all the daughters married - so they will be looked after). Mr. Collins however has decided to do the honorable thing and marry one of the Bennet sisters - he has his eyes set on Jane, being the beauty of the household, but soon turns his feelings towards Elizabeth having heard from Jane's impending engagement.

At the same time, a regiment arrives nearby, which of course means arrival of officers to the Bennets' girls delight. Girls are soon introduced to one Mr. Wickham who turns out the be old acquaintance of Mr. Darcy's. Mr. Wickham tells Elizabeth that he used to be a favourite of Mr. Darcy's late father, and that a parish was promised him upon his death, but that the son later refused this right forcing Mr. Wickham to turn to the army. Although shocked by this, Elizabeth's view of Mr. Darcy as a proud and unpleasant man is reinforced. She even takes it up with him in a ball in Netherfield Park when he has finally persuaded her to dance with him, but only gets a reaction that assures her of her prejudices.

After shadowing Elizabeth for a sufficient amount of time, Mr. Collins believes it's time to make his intentions clear to her.

"Believe me, my dear Miss Elizabeth, that your modesty, so far from doing you any disservice, rather adds to your other perfections. You would have been less amiable in my eyes had there not been this little unwillingness; but allow me to assure you that I have your respected mother's permission for this address. You can hardly doubt the purport of my discourse, however your natural delicacy may lead you to dissemble; my attentions have been too marked to be mistaken. Almost as soon as I entered the house I singled you out as the companion of my future life. But before I am run away with by my feelings on this subject, perhaps it will be advisable for me to state my reasons for marrying -- and moreover for coming into Hertfordshire with the design of selecting a wife, as I certainly did."

Elizabeth finds the the idea repulsive though, and to her mothers dismay refuses to marry Mr. Collins - but she insists that Mr. Bennet force her favourite daughter to marry him.

Mrs. Bennet rang the bell, and Miss Elizabeth was summoned to the library.

"Come here, child," cried her father as she appeared. "I have sent for you on an affair of importance. I understand that Mr. Collins has made you an offer of marriage. Is it true?" Elizabeth replied that it was. "Very well -- and this offer of marriage you have refused?"

"I have, Sir."

"Very well. We now come to the point. Your mother insists upon your accepting it. Is not it so, Mrs. Bennet?"

"Yes, or I will never see her again."

"An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. From this day you must be a stranger to one of your parents. -- Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins, and I will never see you again if you do."

Mr. Collins lands on his feet though, and to fulfill his patroness' Lady Catherine de Bourgh's wishes he is determined to marry. His feelings are channeled to Elizabeth's best friend Charlotte, who promptly accepts the proposal. Meanwhile, the Bingley party abruptly leaves for London, and decides to spends the winter there. This makes Jane very unhappy and confused, but fortunately Mrs. Bennet's brother Mr. Gardiner with his wife invite her to stay with them in London - but despite all decent attempts she doesn't manage to meet him.

Charlotte soon becomes Mrs. Collins, and Elizabeth keeps her promise to her and visits them at Rosings. The Collins' are invited to visit Lady Catherine, and to Elizabeth's dismay Lady Catherine's nephew Mr. Darcy is visiting there too. In the following days Mr. Darcy seems to want to be in Elizabeth's company, albeit encounters are always formal and awkward. Elizabeth also learns from Colonel Fitzwilliam, a friend of Mr. Darcy's, that Mr. Darcy was the person responsible for persuading Mr. Bingley to move back to London, in count of saving him from an unsuitable woman. This shocks Elizabeth and turns her against Mr. Darcy even more. She tries to avoid him, but unexpectedly he calls on her and to her shock proposes to her.

"In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Elizabeth's astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent. This he considered sufficient encouragement, and the avowal of all that he felt and had long felt for her immediately followed. He spoke well, but there were feelings besides those of the heart to be detailed, and he was not more eloquent on the subject of tenderness than of pride. His sense of her inferiority -- of its being a degradation -- of the family obstacles which judgment had always opposed to inclination, were dwelt on with a warmth which seemed due to the consequence he was wounding, but was very unlikely to recommend his suit.

Elizabeth accuses him of separating the lovers and mistreating Mr. Wickham, and declares that

"From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners, impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that ground-work of disapprobation, on which succeeding events have built so immoveable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry."

Mr. Darcy doesn't deny any of this, and leaves hastily, only to return briefly the next morning to deliver the infamous letter where he explains the reasons for his actions. Turns out that separation of Mr. Bingley and Jane he has done in the good faith believing that Jane didn't care for Mr. Bingley, but in case of Mr. Wickham the reasons are more complicated. Mr. Wickham is exposed as a cruel and greedy con-man, who not only had sold his right to the clerical position but also seduced Mr. Darcy's sister and tried to get her to elope with him.

Elizabeth is shocked to learn that she has misjudged the man so, but doesn't get the opportunity to talk to Mr. Darcy again as he hastily leaves for Kent. Elizabeth returns home where Mr. Wickham's regiment is leaving for Brighton much to her younger sister's disappointment. Against Elizabeth's recommendation, her youngest sister Lydia gets the permission to go with the regiment, taken care of by the regiment commander's wife Mrs. Foster. Elizabeth herself is lucky enough to be invited to tour the Lake District with her uncle and aunt.

The tour takes them to Pemberley, Mr. Darcy's estate, and Elizabeth agrees to visit the house only because she's informed the the owner is in London. She falls in love with the house and hears praises from the housekeeper of the master of the house and by now believes that she has indeed misjudged the gentleman wrongly indeed. And to her shock, Mr. Darcy appears home a day earlier than promised, and Elizabeth is forced to meet him and introduce her relatives to him.

As they walked across the lawn towards the river, Elizabeth turned back to look again; her uncle and aunt stopped also, and while the former was conjecturing as to the date of the building, the owner of it himself suddenly came forward from the road, which led behind it to the stables.

They were within twenty yards of each other, and so abrupt was his appearance, that it was impossible to avoid his sight. Their eyes instantly met, and the cheeks of each were overspread with the deepest blush. He absolutely started, and for a moment seemed immoveable from surprise; but shortly recovering himself, advanced towards the party, and spoke to Elizabeth, if not in terms of perfect composure, at least of perfect civility.

She had instinctively turned away; but, stopping on his approach, received his compliments with an embarrassment impossible to be overcome. Had his first appearance, or his resemblance to the picture they had just been examining, been insufficient to assure the other two that they now saw Mr. Darcy, the gardener's expression of surprise on beholding his master must immediately have told it. They stood a little aloof while he was talking to their niece, who, astonished and confused, scarcely dared lift her eyes to his face, and knew not what answer she returned to his civil enquiries after her family. Amazed at the alteration in his manner since they last parted, every sentence that he uttered was increasing her embarrassment; and every idea of the impropriety of her being found there recurring to her mind, the few minutes in which they continued together were some of the most uncomfortable of her life. Nor did he seem much more at ease; when he spoke, his accent had none of its usual sedateness; and he repeated his enquiries as to the time of her having left Longbourn, and of her stay in Derbyshire, so often, and in so hurried a way, as plainly spoke the distraction of his thoughts.

And indeed, Mr. Darcy seems to be completely different to what Elizabeth's earlier encounters have lead her to believe - most amicable and polite. Elizabeth and Gardiners are invited to meet with Mr. Darcy's sister along with Mr. Bingley and his sisters, and are invited to dine with them. Elizabeth is starting to have warm feelings towards Mr. Darcy, but unfortunately before the dinner Elizabeth receives a letter from Jane with bad news indeed.

"Since writing the above, dearest Lizzy, something has occurred of a most unexpected and serious nature; but I am afraid of alarming you -- be assured that we are all well. What I have to say relates to poor Lydia. An express came at twelve last night, just as we were all gone to bed, from Colonel Forster, to inform us that she was gone off to Scotland with one of his officers; to own the truth, with Wickham! -- Imagine our surprise. To Kitty, however, it does not seem so wholly unexpected. I am very, very sorry. So imprudent a match on both sides! -- But I am willing to hope the best, and that his character has been misunderstood. Thoughtless and indiscreet I can easily believe him, but this step (and let us rejoice over it) marks nothing bad at heart. His choice is disinterested at least, for he must know my father can give her nothing. Our poor mother is sadly grieved. My father bears it better. How thankful am I, that we never let them know what has been said against him; we must forget it ourselves. They were off Saturday night about twelve, as is conjectured, but were not missed till yesterday morning at eight. The express was sent off directly. My dear Lizzy, they must have passed within ten miles of us. Colonel Forster gives us reason to expect him here soon. Lydia left a few lines for his wife, informing her of their intention. I must conclude, for I cannot be long from my poor mother. I am afraid you will not be able to make it out, but I hardly know what I have written."

After reading the letter Elizabeth is about to go and find her uncle, when Mr. Darcy appears. Distressed, she explains the situation to him, only to have him promptly disappear - she is now certain that after this there is no hope of him ever wanting to associate himself with her family again. Elizabeth leaves for home while Gardiners head to London where the couple are suspected to hide. After several weeks of agitation and involvement of Mr. Bennet, news from London is that the couple has been found and Mr. Wickham has been persuaded to marry Lydia in exchange for an allowance and paying of his debts. Mrs. Bennet promptly forgets all the sorrow and bad feelings towards Mr. Wickham and starts to plan the wedding that against her wishes will take place in London.

"My dear, dear Lydia!" she cried: "This is delightful indeed! -- She will be married! -- I shall see her again! -- She will be married at sixteen! -- My good, kind brother! -- I knew how it would be -- I knew he would manage every thing. How I long to see her! and to see dear Wickham too! But the clothes, the wedding clothes! I will write to my sister Gardiner about them directly. Lizzy, my dear, run down to your father, and ask him how much he will give her. Stay, stay, I will go myself. Ring the bell, Kitty, for Hill. I will put on my things in a moment. My dear, dear Lydia! -- How merry we shall be together when we meet!"

The young couple arrives to meet the family to mixed feelings - Lydia is totally incapable to see that she's done anything wrong, while Mr. Wickham is his charming self. But then Lydia lets a secret slip:

"Well, and so we breakfasted at ten as usual; I thought it would never be over; for, by the bye, you are to understand, that my uncle and aunt were horrid unpleasant all the time I was with them. If you'll believe me, I did not once put my foot out of doors, though I was there a fortnight. Not one party, or scheme, or any thing. To be sure London was rather thin, but, however, the Little Theatre was open. Well, and so just as the carriage came to the door, my uncle was called away upon business to that horrid man Mr. Stone. And then, you know, when once they get together, there is no end of it. Well, I was so frightened I did not know what to do, for my uncle was to give me away; and if we were beyond the hour, we could not be married all day. But, luckily, he came back again in ten minutes' time, and then we all set out. However, I recollected afterwards that if he had been prevented going, the wedding need not be put off, for Mr. Darcy might have done as well."

"Mr. Darcy!" repeated Elizabeth, in utter amazement.

"Oh, yes! -- he was to come there with Wickham, you know, But gracious me! I quite forgot! I ought not to have said a word about it. I promised them so faithfully! What will Wickham say? It was to be such a secret!"

"If it was to be secret," said Jane, "say not another word on the subject. You may depend upon my seeking no further."

"Oh! certainly," said Elizabeth, though burning with curiosity; "we will ask you no questions."

Immediately Elizabeth writes to her aunt to find out about Mr. Darcy's involvement, and receives a prompt reply that surprises her greatly. Mr. Darcy has been instrumental in finding the young couple, as well as the chief benefactor in paying off Wickham's debts, the allowance and a new position in the military. Elizabeth hopes that the reasons behind this are his feelings for her, and her hopes are soon reinforced with the news of Mr. Bingley returning to Netherfield Park. Mr. Bingley soon rekindles the flame between himself and Jane, but Mr. Darcy, although with him, remains distant to Elizabeth. And soon enough, Mr. Bingley proposes to Jane who happily accepts.

"You are a good girl;" he [Mr. Bennet] replied, "and I have great pleasure in thinking you will be so happily settled. I have not a doubt of your doing very well together. Your tempers are by no means unlike. You are each of you so complying, that nothing will ever be resolved on; so easy, that every servant will cheat you; and so generous, that you will always exceed your income."

"I hope not so. Imprudence or thoughtlessness in money matters would be unpardonable in me."

"Exceed their income! My dear Mr. Bennet," cried his wife, "what are you talking of? Why, he has four or five thousand a year, and very likely more." Then addressing her daughter, "Oh! my dear, dear Jane, I am so happy! I am sure I shan't get a wink of sleep all night. I knew how it would be. I always said it must be so, at last. I was sure you could not be so beautiful for nothing! I remember, as soon as ever I saw him, when he first came into Hertfordshire last year, I thought how likely it was that you should come together. Oh! he is the handsomest young man that ever was seen!"

Wickham, Lydia, were all forgotten. Jane was beyond competition her favourite child. At that moment, she cared for no other. Her younger sisters soon began to make interest with her for objects of happiness which she might in future be able to dispense.

Elizabeth is happy for her sister, but wonders about Mr. Darcy who has now left to take care of business elsewhere. But surprises are plentiful when Lady Catherine de Bourgh pays the Bennets a surprise visit. After it becomes clear that this is no courtesy call, Lady Catherine asks Elizabeth for a walk to demand some answers.

"You can be at no loss, Miss Bennet, to understand the reason of my journey hither. Your own heart, your own conscience, must tell you why I come."

Elizabeth looked with unaffected astonishment.

"Indeed, you are mistaken, Madam. I have not been at all able to account for the honour of seeing you here."

"Miss Bennet," replied her ladyship, in an angry tone, "you ought to know, that I am not to be trifled with. But however insincere you may choose to be, you shall not find me so. My character has ever been celebrated for its sincerity and frankness, and in a cause of such moment as this, I shall certainly not depart from it. A report of a most alarming nature reached me two days ago. I was told that not only your sister was on the point of being most advantageously married, but that you, that Miss Elizabeth Bennet, would, in all likelihood, be soon afterwards united to my nephew, my own nephew, Mr. Darcy. Though I know it must be a scandalous falsehood, though I would not injure him so much as to suppose the truth of it possible, I instantly resolved on setting off for this place, that I might make my sentiments known to you."

"If you believed it impossible to be true," said Elizabeth, colouring with astonishment and disdain, "I wonder you took the trouble of coming so far. What could your ladyship propose by it?"

Elizabeth refuses to promise Lady Catherine that he will not marry Mr. Darcy, and she leaves, outraged that someone has dared to go against her will. To her family, Elizabeth tells that Lady Catherine only wanted to give greetings from the Collinses, but remains deeply shaken inside. She doesn't give up though, and soon Mr. Bennet receives a letter from Mr. Collins urging him to forbid Elizabeth on marrying Mr. Darcy - Mr. Bennet of course is much surprised as he, like all others, think that Elizabeth's feelings for Mr. Darcy as as cold as ever. Soon, much to Elizabeth's delight, Mr. Darcy returns and for the first time since Darbyshire, they get to be alone together and Elizabeth immediately expresses her gratitude for all he has done.

"If you will thank me," he replied, "let it be for yourself alone. That the wish of giving happiness to you might add force to the other inducements which led me on, I shall not attempt to deny. But your family owe me nothing. Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of you."

Elizabeth was too much embarrassed to say a word. After a short pause, her companion added, "You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever."

Elizabeth, feeling all the more than common awkwardness and anxiety of his situation, now forced herself to speak; and immediately, though not very fluently, gave him to understand that her sentiments had undergone so material a change, since the period to which he alluded, as to make her receive with gratitude and pleasure his present assurances. The happiness which this reply produced, was such as he had probably never felt before; and he expressed himself on the occasion as sensibly and as warmly as a man violently in love can be supposed to do. Had Elizabeth been able to encounter his eye, she might have seen how well the expression of heartfelt delight, diffused over his face, became him; but, though she could not look, she could listen, and he told her of feelings, which, in proving of what importance she was to him, made his affection every moment more valuable.

They walked on, without knowing in what direction. There was too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to any other objects. She soon learnt that they were indebted for their present good understanding to the efforts of his aunt, who did call on him in her return through London, and there relate her journey to Longbourn, its motive, and the substance of her conversation with Elizabeth; dwelling emphatically on every expression of the latter which, in her ladyship's apprehension, peculiarly denoted her perverseness and assurance; in the belief that such a relation must assist her endeavours to obtain that promise from her nephew which she had refused to give. But, unluckily for her ladyship, its effect had been exactly contrariwise.

The young couple is deliriously happy, although they need to keep it under wraps until her father's consent, which is soon asked and given.

"Lizzy," said her father, "I have given him my consent. He is the kind of man, indeed, to whom I should never dare refuse any thing, which he condescended to ask. I now give it to you, if you are resolved on having him. But let me advise you to think better of it. I know your disposition, Lizzy. I know that you could be neither happy nor respectable, unless you truly esteemed your husband; unless you looked up to him as a superior. Your lively talents would place you in the greatest danger in an unequal marriage. You could scarcely escape discredit and misery. My child, let me not have the grief of seeing you unable to respect your partner in life. You know not what you are about."

Elizabeth, still more affected, was earnest and solemn in her reply; and at length, by repeated assurances that Mr. Darcy was really the object of her choice, by explaining the gradual change which her estimation of him had undergone, relating her absolute certainty that his affection was not the work of a day, but had stood the test of many months suspense, and enumerating with energy all his good qualities, she did conquer her father's incredulity, and reconcile him to the match.

"Well, my dear," said he, when she ceased speaking, "I have no more to say. If this be the case, he deserves you. I could not have parted with you, my Lizzy, to any one less worthy."

To complete the favourable impression, she then told him what Mr. Darcy had voluntarily done for Lydia. He heard her with astonishment.

"This is an evening of wonders, indeed! And so, Darcy did every thing: made up the match, gave the money, paid the fellow's debts, and got him his commission! So much the better. It will save me a world of trouble and economy. Had it been your uncle's doing, I must and would have paid him; but these violent young lovers carry every thing their own way. I shall offer to pay him to-morrow; he will rant and storm about his love for you, and there will be an end of the matter."

He then recollected her embarrassment a few days before, on his reading Mr. Collins's letter; and after laughing at her some time, allowed her at last to go -- saying, as she quitted the room, "If any young men come for Mary or Kitty, send them in, for I am quite at leisure."

The news, of course is much welcomed by Mrs. Bennet.

"Good gracious! Lord bless me! only think! dear me! Mr. Darcy! Who would have thought it! And is it really true? Oh! my sweetest Lizzy! how rich and how great you will be! What pin-money, what jewels, what carriages you will have! Jane's is nothing to it -- nothing at all. I am so pleased -- so happy. Such a charming man! -- so handsome! so tall! -- Oh, my dear Lizzy! pray apologise for my having disliked him so much before. I hope he will overlook it. Dear, dear Lizzy. A house in town! Every thing that is charming! Three daughters married! Ten thousand a year! Oh, Lord! What will become of me. I shall go distracted."

And what can I say - it's such a perfect and happy ending. I especially love the last chapters - how Elizabeth soon pries all the details out of Mr. Darcy on how he fell in love with her, and the final chapter that wraps up all the odds and ends and tells how they lived happily ever after.

This book is indeed the masterpiece I remember it to be.

Low blow

Friday night, peace and quiet... ah, episode of Law and Order, episode of ER that I recorded earlier this week. And then, shock and disgust.

ER's latest episode, called Dream House, features two chimpanzees.

I can't believe it, of one of my very favourite TV series gives me a low blow like this. You know my thoughts about the subject - I absolutely abhor this kind of behaviour, and this is the worst thing that can happen. A hugely popular prime time TV series like ER is showing the cutest baby chimpanzee as someone's pet... it can't be excused in any way. It is of no consolation that the episode wanted to show how like humans chimps are - a baby chimp dies and the mother wants to be by it's side... yet they got nothing right. How unnatural behaviour - that a chimp mother would look at her baby by the bedside like a human instead of clinging into it, or then kissing Abby in a very human-like way as a thank you as if she realised what she was trying to do for her baby... All for just some cheap laughs. Can't they see it's just making it worse - now people will think that it's true that chimps are so like us they would be happy to live with us.

What can I do. I immediately emailed NBC to express my horror and I can only hope that other people do the same... it makes me extremely sad and angry and frustrated that this is still happening.

Pride and Predujice

I was given two tickets for the press screening of the latest film version of Jane Austen's classic Pride and Prejudice. It's directed by Joe Wright and stars Keira Knightley as Elizabeth Bennet and Matthew MacFayden as Mr. Darcy.

Now I have to say it's impossible to say anything about this film without talking about BBC's mini-series of the same book, or indeed my favourite Ang Lee's Sense and Sensibility. Unfortunately this film suffers in comparison to both of those - it lacks the finesse of Sense and Sensibility and the lightness of BBC's version. Jane Austen's original book is full of very subtile humour - something that was so perfectly captured by fabulous Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet in S&S, and delicately portrayed by Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth in the TV series. This movie takes the humour and uses it like a blunt instrument, using funny faces and making some characters into crude comical side-kicks.

Mostly, actors were well chosen - with the exception of Keira Knightley whose making faces I just couldn't stand - Rosamund Pike as Jane was perfect and Donald Sutherland as Mr. Bennet was a stroke of genius. Simon Woods as Mr. Bingley was good - albeit a bit too comical and young for my liking, but Kelly Reilly as Miss Bingley was priceless. And then there's of course Mr. Darcy... Matthew MacFadyen is good - he's handsome (but not very handsome) and sensitive, and broody in the right way. I think I prefer Colin Firth, but MacFadyen still did a good job. And for the ladies out there who remember The Lake Scene from the BBC series - this movie has Mr. Darcy In The Mist which is probably even better.

Slightly inappropriate humour aside, this film was a very faithful to the book and I quite enjoyed it. It's not a great film, but it's good and pleasant enough. And I really want to read the book again.

Yoga and hockey

After two days rest, I was back on my mat tonight. Most other challengers weren't - on the advanced class there was only Kelly from the gang, and class was half the size it was last week. I had a good practice, and felt stronger than I have felt for... well, maybe weeks - amazing what a a couple of days' rest can do.

Today I also did something I've never done before - I bought tickets for an ice hockey game. Most Canadians are shocked to hear that me, a Finn, have never been to an ice hockey game - but it's true. It wasn't something my family did, it wasn't even something any of my friends did, and I've watched in my life only a handful of full games on TV.

But, when in Rome... I'm told from reputable sources that this is one of the most Canadian things I can possibly do, so I figured it's something I should try at least once. It's actually difficult to get tickets for the NHL games - but I managed to secure two tickets for a game in December, it's going to be Vancouver Canucks vs. Edmonton Oilers. I'm even kind of looking forward to it.

Relax, breathe

Instead of going to friends' place to watch a movie, I've spend a relaxing evening home alone charging batteries... feeling a bit better now.

I've noticed that my internal clock is so anally accurate that even an hour different because of the daylight saving time means that I wake up at the wrong time... I'm counting on it to pass soon. Good thing about daylight saving is that it's lighter in the mornings, even when it's raining - but the bad thing obviously is that it gets dark sooner too. When I come home it's still dark... and then there's the rain. Summer was so fabulous I honestly had forgotten what the Vancouver weather really is like - rain.

Somehow rain here is different, though. It can be just a drizzle - that's the kind that's good for your skin and only tourists take out their umbrellas... almost like the clouds have come down the mountains and swallow everything. The views can be breathtaking when the soft fluffy clouds hang low. Then there's the pouring down kind of rain that never ends, it can rain for days like this - but it's rarely too cold or even windy. It's just very wet, and then you're allowed to take out your brolly - in fact it's the time of the year now when you don't leave home without it, and I'm wearing my rain-proof shoes almost daily.

I'm starting to feel like a Vancouverite now - I can look back and remember what the weather was like a year ago so I know better what to expect. So now I know this is what we're going to get for the next six months or so. Good for your skin, that's my mantra.