Thursday 13 January, 2005
Line of duty
Spoke to my parents this morning... one of the things about Skype I love is that we just talk so much more now. It's funny, if I happen to catch my dad using the computer, the conversation is very brief and precise: he says exactly what has happened and what he's up to, and that's it. So often after that my mom takes the headphones and we have a chat, you know those girly chats when you might not have anything significant issues to discuss, but you just talk about general things.
This conversation certainly was food for thought. It was about parents and children, and responsiblity. Of course parents have (legal) responsibilites towards their children, and when children are minors they need to be responsible towards their parents. But what happens when children grow older, move away from home, move to another country? Is there still a responsibility, a duty? Should parents for example support their children financially if going gets tough? Should the grown up children have the duty to take care of their parents and their needs, even when they might conflict with their own? Where does the border between duty to yourself cross the line of duty to someone else?
When I was younger and my grandfather was in hospitals and nursing homes, I hated to go and see him. I hated to see how fragile and unhappy he was, I hated the places with demented patients and suffering. But still, I went, for him... He might not have always been the best company due to his depression, but still I'm sure he always appreciated that we came. It was painful for me, but I did it out of duty. And of course now, years later I'm old enough to know that I did the right thing - so little effort from me must have brought him so much pleasure.
Maybe it's all down to individuals and individual cases.
Posted by kolibri at 13 January 17:16, 2005I've always just figured that anyone in my family would do anything for me, and I'll do anything for them. If a member of the family needs help, he or she gets it.
I would never ever call it a duty or an obligation. It just is. Family is family.
But I can see what you mean about there being a line. I say that I'll do anything, no matter what it is, to help the people I love... but the person being helped should also be aware of the sacrifices being made and perhaps gauge whether or not it's worth it.
# 2 - kolibri (on January 16, 2005 11:43 AM):
Thanks for the reply Marnie, it got me thinking (therefore late with the reply).
What I was talking about was kind of blind duty, "just ask and I'll do it" kind of obediance, almost. "I'd rather go and see my friends, but I'll come and visit you because you want me to" attitude. Where does the line between your comfort and the other person's go, when is the other person's comfort more important?
But then there's the side you're talking about. Now there are very few people in this world I'd have thought I'd do anything for - but for some reason I've never thought about including my family in it. Firstly, I've always thought that my parents "will be ok" - you know, those kind of constants that have always been there and always will. Still it's true, I'd do anything for them. Same goes for my sister - I actally thought about this some time ago when I saw a program where a sister gave her other lung to her sister to save the other sister's life. Lung transplant can only be done between blood relatives, and severly affects the donor's health for the rest of their lives - still, I think that if my sister needed a lung, I'd give her one of mine.
# 3 - Laura (on January 16, 2005 12:42 PM):
Thank you very much! I'll keep that in mind ;)
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