Sunday 28 November, 2004

What I've decided

Thought I could fake this thing alright
Thought it could somehow get me by
-- "Panic Attack", Finger Eleven

First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who has talked or emailed me about the drug issue, it's good to know that you care. It's good to hear other people's experiences and thoughts... on the other hand I've heard as many different opinions.

But here's what I've decided.

It's not just me that I need to think about. While I might be able to crawl trough this with bloody knees in my stubbornness, but there's no reason to drag Dragon trough it too. If I'm feeling bad, he feels it very deeply and suffers with me. So it is my duty to him to take care of myself. (Thanks to Mikko for this one.)

Drugs are not cheating. It's like putting on kneepads before going rollerskating: it's not going to make me a better rollerskater, but if I happen to fall down it will make the fall less painful. It's there just in case I don't make it, but at the same time it doesn't mean success isn't my doing - if I make it, I make it because of me and my actions, there's no wonder drug that could save me against my will. (Thanks to Chu for this one.)

I got initial three weeks sample from the doctor and I'm going to take that - my hope is that I'm over the worse by then and I can drop it... but in case I can't I still have the prescription she wrote so I can get more.

Doesn't feel right, but I'm going to make it so.

Posted by kolibri at 28 November 14:39, 2004
Comments
# 1 - Anonymous (on November 28, 2004 03:51 PM):

I saw a scary program on telly a while ago saying there was some dodgy business going on regarding certain drug companies and antidepressants. Important information regarding effectiveness and potential dangers were supressed, particulaly there was anecdotal evidence that one of the antidepressants induced suicidal thoughts in people who had never had them before. Just saying it'd probably worth reading up on what you're taking beforehand.


# 2 - kolibri (on November 28, 2004 04:22 PM):

Indeed.

So we've read up on the drug, and my mom called my aunt who's a doctor who assured us that this is a widely used, safe, effective, modern drug.

So I have to believe that.


# 3 - rannva (on November 28, 2004 10:49 PM):

I have several friends who have taken antidepressants and one of my closest friends said that it usually takes a few weeks for the drugs to properly "kick in", for your body to get used to them. So if you feel off/odd to begin with, it's generally normal. Do not apologize for this whole situation. I only know you across the internet but I am glad to read things are getting sorted out and that you feel better. I am sending you my best thoughts. It sounds like you have a great city to explore!


# 4 - Rel Fexive (on November 29, 2004 02:31 AM):

If it carries you through the stress and safely out the other side, it's a good thing. Once you're all sorted and back to your old/new self, everything will be good again.

Meantime, take care of yourself. I'll keep some vibes hand for you :)


# 5 - Outi (on November 29, 2004 03:47 AM):

I tend to feel guilty about taking drugs as well, it's just like you described - I kinda feel like a loser for not making it without them. But I don't really see why I should suffer (and like you said, make people close to me suffer as well) if I can help it.

Keep your chin up, girl. You'll be just fine! :)


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