Sad

In the midst of all the commotion at work with upcoming demos and deadlines, I handed in my formal resignation today. It's sad - I was expecting it to be a relief in some way, decision has been made, I've made up my mind, I'm moving on. Instead I felt sad and... well, I feel like I'm letting people down. John knew what was coming up so he took it well, of course, my other managers were just horrified. I should take this as a compliment - they value me so much they find the thought of me leaving distressing.

Well, I find it difficult too. Maybe it says something about my industry that this is the first time I've voluntarily resigned - I've been made redundant of all my previous "real jobs". Then leaving has been a resolution to an existing issue, and let's face it, decision is always easier when it's somebody else. Now... it's my decision and if I screw it up it's nobody else's fault but my own. Panic, fear. Did I do the right thing? Did I make the right decision?

Not the first time I've wanted a crystal ball.

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