Tuesday 6 July, 2004
Growing pains
It's becoming more and more clear to me that I only have few fleeting days before I officially become old.
Yes, it's the thin line between carefree life of a 20-something and responsible adult life of a 30-something. I never ever imagined it would bother me the slightest - I've always been quite content with getting older each year, seeing that as one of the most natural things ever. I remember the first time when I realised I was getting older: as a kid I was used to looking up to pop stars, and thinking that what they were doing was something adults did - and then suddenly realising that that girl over there was actually my age. Music was a big thing for me when I was younger, and I kind of always thought that was be something I would end up doing as a job, but that it would happen sometime later - and realisation that that girl over there had already done it. Realisation that it wasn't going to be me.
Now, without any warning - and this suddenly started happening about six months ago, I've started thinking along the same lines. So, I don't really consider that I'm going to be old soon (but neither would I describe myself as a "young woman"), it's just that I feel that there are now some things I can't do anymore, some things I'll never be, or be again. For example, I've chosen a career, for life - ok, it would still be possible to change it if I really wanted - but let's face it, I'll never ever become a professional athlete now. Not that I would have ever liked to, but that's not the point. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't anymore. It's too late. Or if I look at my body - I remember what it was like when I was 20 - I'll never get that back anymore, those perky breasts and firm buttocks. Admittedly, I'm working on the buttocks bit so I have a bit of hope there, but let's face it, the tits will never go up again without a help of a surgeon and that's not something I'm willing to do.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not wearing sackcloth and sprinkling ashes on my hair and whining about how life is completely unfair. I don't generally look to the past or mourn for things that I should have done differently. That's why these thoughts that seem to come from nowhere have been so difficult to deal with - it's not me. So I'm trying to concentrate on good things that are coming ahead, meeting friends and celebrating... if not the birthday, just for celebration's sake.
Posted by kolibri at 6 July 09:37, 2004Being 30 isn't all that bad... Now, *turning* 30, that's a different matter ;)
# 2 - Kolibri (on July 6, 2004 11:05 AM):
That's well said. It gives me hope ;)
# 3 - ystävä syöpä (on July 6, 2004 12:35 PM):
i've always thought that 30 hits hardest those people who've done fuck all w/ their lives -- those who look back and see nothing. if you've lived and done things you shouldn't worry. let those sad bastards feel the weight of years. i'm looking forward to wrinkles and greying hair. makes me more manly. heh.
# 4 - Rel Fexive (on July 6, 2004 05:49 PM):
Well, it's like cresting a hill. Looks scary and feels terrible... all that hard work. But then... it's downhill all the way ;)
And as someone who has done fuck all with my life: I do my best to forget all about it :) Live in self-imposed ignorance, that's what I do ;)
# 5 - Yoe (on July 7, 2004 04:43 AM):
Your thoughts are exactly as mine... in teen years as well as two weeks ago.
I've noticed, past the few last weeks, that hanging around with the budokas help. In our art the majority of trainers here are way over 40, and my teacher, considered as one of the younger teachers, is soon to be 60 (looks more like 45 to me - the Japanese are incredibly resistant to physical aging...). So, there's still a lot to look forward to... I hope.
Best wishes:)
# 6 - Dragon (on July 7, 2004 08:59 AM):
Plenty of people reach their mental, professional and indeed physical peak well after 30s. Remember what Miyamoto Musashi said: 'I started studying the way of the sword at the age of 12. When I rached 50, I finally started to have an inkling of swordsmanship.'
Our current culture worships teenagers, but I find it a spectacularly bag age group to worship. :)
# 7 - RelFexive (on July 7, 2004 10:56 AM):
What a great opportunity to quote Musashi. There should be more opportunities like that.
# 8 - Kolibri (on July 7, 2004 11:02 AM):
He finds lots of opportunities like that ;)
# 9 - Yoe (on July 7, 2004 12:37 PM):
But why it seems so much more 'tragic' for women to get old than for men - assuming that you already have a partner for life (and therefore don't need to look like a teenager anymore) (or don't care of such) and either have or don't even plan to have kids? Even though women often live longer than men? Are we still useful only as long as we can breed? ;)
# 10 - Kolibri (on July 7, 2004 01:47 PM):
Well, indeed. Old men are dignified, old women stay at home.
On the other hand, I remember seeing Honor Blackman (aka Pussy Galore) in Collectormania last year - she is now 77 and looked absolutely gorgoeus, but that wasn't the main point, she had presence. It was really funny - other people queueing up to see Matrix twins or Dobby the House Elf where mainly young girls, George Takei and other Trek stars commanded slightly older audience of both genders - but people queueing for Honor were mosly elderly gentlemen. She was fabulous, posing with them for photos, laying on the table and they were just lapping it up. If I can command that kind of respect when I'm 77 I'll be very happy - never mind the appearance.
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