Firsts

It's strange how you can fill up your weekend doing nice stuff, but end up being exhausted anyway... Today felt like a holiday - weather was absolutely gorgeous and it must have been close to 30 degrees (but since Brits don't install thermometers on their houses, we never know). We went shopping for some Toronto essentials and once we came home we headed to the beach.

I've lived here for over a year, and especially last summer I used to go to the beach daily, but I swear this is the first time I've been to the beach when it's low tide. As a Finn, I just find the phenomena of low and high tide facinating - we don't get it in Finland so it's one of those things you hear about in school but only experience years later. Anyway, the normally pebbly beach had turned into beautiful smooth sandy beach, and the waves, coming up the tide were smooth and gentle. Don't forget, our beach is on the Atlantic Ocean, so all other times I've been on the beach the waves are big and cold. This is also the reason I never swim there - I hate cold and the thought of getting to the cold water is just too disgusting so I never do it, just worship the sun.

This time, after falling asleep for a while, I got so hot I decided to go an walk in the waves a bit. Sand was so smooth beneath my toes and water was warm, and I waded in the shallow water until I was waist deep - and after that it would have been just a shame not to swim a bit. (I think it's probably one of those unwritten summer rules that if you get it waist deep, you need to go all the way.)

This is the stuff that we never get to do when on holiday. If weather tomorrow is going to be like this too, I think we'll head for the beach again.

Stargate: Atlantis

We watched the first episode of the new Stargate series Atlantis last night. I've been a loyal follower of the original SG-1 series as you know, but Dragon has never watched more than few episodes - and it's impossible to force him to watch anything he doesn't want to. So we sat down with not huge expectations - just watch it and see where it takes us.

The premise is sound enough - the team goes to the mystic location to a galaxy on the other side of the universe the Ancients went when they left Earth million years ago, and get trapped there (and despite how it sounds, it's not re-make of Voyager). We have all the characters that a sci-fi series needs - the token strong intelligent female character, the token black guy, the token alien, the token handsome young man and the token comic sidekick. And did I mention that the comic sidekick is a Scotsman with an outrageous accent - I'm just waiting for him to say "the engines cannot take it keptin" any time now, or - as he's a medical doctor - "it's life but not as we know it". Pretty sure he gets to do "he's dead Jim" - Stargate has always paid it's homage to Star Trek.

It's very light, and definetly on the cheesy side - but fun and entertaining. Some really good stuff I liked - for example the fact that since inventing the "old style" analogue gates in our galaxy the Ancients had since gone digital: this not only makes sense but also gives the new series a different look and feel. The new aliens - despite the awful name "wraiths" - were pretty cool too: humanoid but enough alien to be a bit scary. All in all, I think they had managed to come up with some sense of wonder since in another galaxy you really don't have any idea what's going to come next - only time will show if they manage to maintain this (and my guess would be no - but it probably doesn't matter).

Raid ja Legioonalainen by Harri Nykänen

Second one of my holiday novels was Harri Nykänen's Raid ja Legioonalainen. I was a huge fan of the Raid TV series, but this is the first one Nykänen's books I've actually read. The story starts when two known criminals are found dead - the other one is declared as a murder and the other one as death of natural causes, but our favourite detectives Huusko and Jansson think otherwise. The assasin Raid (nick-named after the insect killer - "Kills bugs dead" or "tappaa talossa ja puutarhassa") is also involved in hunting down the killer it becomes a race of who will find the murderer first.

Nykänen's criminals seem to always the good guys while the bad guys are found in the ranks of the police and the politicians. Criminals are victims of their circumstances but are still good honest people and maintain a strict code of honour, be their killers or robbers or pimps. Police are mostly rotten and looking out only for themselves or their buddies who will help them to achieve their selfish goals. Dialog is clever and funny, but otherwise the narrative is a bit jumpy and at times confusing. There seems to be a little more plot than what is necessary or suitable for a book of 200 pages or so - in fact the plot is of the magnitude of the TV series that was around 12 hours long so there just isn't enough time to build it up and then reveal it giving it the drama it deserves.

A light entertaining summer read, but not much else. Still prefer the TV series and it's slow pace.

Failures and successes

Yesterday I went to my first ashtanga class after my holiday, and I have to say it wasn't a raging success. First of all Karen had managed to convince the club to let her teach some techinque classes before the actual class - this in itself is very good, but since I was on holiday I didn't know it was on and I only managed to catch last ten minutes. She was taking an asana at a time and choosing someone from the class to show how it was done, made corrections and suggestions - and she chose me for Utthita Hasta Padangusthasana A because this is one of the asanas I've improved a lot on. This is quite a difficult standing asana where you take hold of your big toe, and it has literally taken me about a year and a half to learn to do this - but I'm quite proud of this so I didn't mind showing it. Except with balance it's really all about your head and balance of the mind more than actual physical balance... and since I was so eager to show off my technique I had no mental balance at all and I was all over the place. Karen gave me enough support that I didn't fall over but it really depressed me as I know I can do better.

And of course in the actual class my "failure" was the only thing I could think of and therefore couldn't concentrate on anything else. My breathing was bad, my balance was bad and I was feeling quite awful until it came to the shoulder stances - and suddenly, without any effort I was able to do Urdhva Padmasana with full lotus for the first time in my life. Followed by Pindasana and even Matsyasana, all without breaking the lotus. Shame that was in the finishing sequence as the "success" really calmed my mind and helped me to concentrate for the rest of the class.

Now all this got me thinking. It feels that I'm concentrating far too much on the physical success and performing the asanas and not enough on the mental side of it. I feel I need to succeed, and I'm afraid I'm still comparing myself to other people in the class even though this is completely stupid and futile. This requires some thought and I believe it's something I need to solve soon to prevent something similar happening again. I think I would like to start learning meditation next, but since we might be moving in a very near future it doesn't seem practical to try to find a teacher here.

Good news and routine

Dragon gave me a new teapot as a birthday present yesterday - I joked ages ago that when Dragon was rich and famous and I could stay at home and do nothing all day, I should start collecting teapots... since then people have been giving me teapots as presents. Mind you - I only collect really nice ones that are somehow special - like this new one that is shaped like genie lamp. I'm not convinced of how good or practical teapot a metal pot will make, but we'll give it couple of tries - and in any case it's very pretty. I also got an email about the birthday present I'm buying for myself saying that Iron Council has been sent from Amazon.com! To top the good news my dad called to say that my grandfather was better, though not quite out of the woods yet.

But I swear - that's the last thing I will say about my birthday!

It's funny how quickly everything just comes back to the old tracks after a holiday. Memories from the past two weeks are still clear in my mind, or at least as clear as the photos, but mind is moving on. I don't know if other people's lives are more exciting than mine - but mine seems to follow a strick routine and I like routine. Monday, Tuesday free evenings, spend time with Dragon. Wednesday ashtanga, Tuesday hatha, Friday ashtanga (and that doesn't leave room for much else!). Weekends off - Saturday going shopping, Sunday going weekly grocery shopping. Watch TV. Start again. The only thing breaking the routine at the moment is the thought of the Toronto trip and final preparations - we've now got pretty much all of the tickets and travel sorted out - final thing left to do is get the travel insurance and hope for better luck than John Kovalic. At least we're not flying with Air Canada.

This is it

Well, here I am then - another year older, another year wiser. I've been following with interest Mikki's and HunnuH's conversation in my previous entry's comments, and other people have made interesting remarks too. I wish I could explain how I've been feeling lately - but as HunnuH said "it's a feeling and not based on facts", so maybe it's not even possible. Suffice to say that I have been feeling anxious and strange, and some of it has probably been because of my 30th birthday and pressures society and biology have placed on me.

But here comes the good news: I'm feeling better now. In fact, I think the turning point was Friday's birthday party - somehow being there with my friends and celebrating the event seems to have got it out of my system... almost as if I was given permission to grief and was consoled and forgiven. And I don't mean that literally of course, it's just a feeling and not based on facts.

Celebrations are pretty much over - I've got some chocolates for my collegues and we'll probably get some nice food from Waitrose and make a nice meal this evening. If it hadn't been for the bad news yesterday about my grandfather being suddenly taken to hospital I'd probably say I feel at peace. But at least I don't think it's a 30's crisis anymore.

Adjusting back in

Not that there's much need, really. Waking up to the familiar alarm clock, getting up like a robot, shower, email, breakfast, tea in a thermos mug and to the car. I tried changing the gear only once on my right side, and my little car responds to my commands like a dream - I like driving my dad's bigger car for comfort, but I love how my little lowrider is so quick and agile. Traffic was light, the roadworks on A34 were gone, and at work I had SummerSlam tickets for ringside (row 2) waiting on my desk. I had very few important emails waiting, and none of them were addressed to me personally.

Life is good.

Home sweet...

Sitting in a train from Woking to Portsmouth. It's funny how coming here just makes so much sense: everything looks, sounds, smells and tastes so familiar, so homely. I love Finland, but this really is home.

Holiday list

Going home today. This is what happened on my holiday:

• Evenings spent with Chu: 13
• Evenings spent with other dear friends: 9
  
• Meeting relatives: 16
• Not counting parents: 8
• Not counting sisters: 6
• Not counting Dragon's relatives: 3
• Deep, meaningful conversations: 2
• Dinner parties with friends: 2
• Hours of wrestling watched: 15
• Movies seen: 3
• Movies planned but not seen: 2
• Modelling in photoshoots: 2
• Swiming in the sea: 1
• Sauna-ing: 5
• Cheese races won: 0
• Cheese races lost: 2
• Books read: 2
• Over-eating: 2
• Mosquito bites: too many to count, but only one really painful
• Planes late: 2 (bugger)

Later: I knew it was tempting faith to say that only one plane would be late. Leaving Helsinki our plane was late, so we had to wait at Heathrow for a new slot and missed our buss. But we had a stroke of luck and managed to catch a rail link to Woking and were in Portsmouth only about 10 minutes later than the buss would have been. Never say that public transport never works here.

Birthday party

I decided to celebrate my birthday last night - I haven't really celebrated it for ages, but this time I was actually in Finland very close to the actual date, and of course the event is quite tragic this year so I wanted to cheer myself up and invite some people around. We chose Restaurant Vespa at Etelä-Espa, and pretty much everyone I asked actually came which was really overwhelming. Although there was no formal dress code asked or needed, the gentlemen were we dressed in jackets and ties which was really appreciated (as I love a sharp dressed man) and ladies were sparkling. We started out with some champagne - Mumms I chose was sweet but very nice and it got me into the mood. I even got some gifts which was unnecessary of my friends, but always nice.

I would say that the service was good, if a little slow, hadn't it been for the catastrophic mistake they made - my allergic sister asked if the pasta contained any egg and was told "no", but very soon found out differently. She had to leave by taxi and ended up vomiting for the rest of the evening (she's ok now, but the reaction she has on egg is quite extreme). This really upset me and although the restaurant was really professional and nice about it, nothing that they could say or do really didn't make a difference at that point and I ended up having a slight panic attack, first one in ages.

After the dessert we went to Kallio and ended up at Blockila - most of the party had disappeared by that time and we considered playing Beer Money I got from Hakkis but decided that we were far too tired and full for that. (The cards are really nice so we really need to try it at some point.) We ended up in horizontal positions around the living room and having a really interesting conversation about future plans and aspirations - one of the best conversations on this holiday.

Mostly very enjoyable birthday party - I really appreciated everyone coming (and sending greetings) and helping me to get over it. What I keep clinging to is what my grandmother told me when she pointed out that I was turning 30 - "30! That's such a wonderful age!". Sometimes she gets it so right.

Mahjong night

Had a really nice time last night with my sister and her boyfriend playing Mahjong. Mahjong is a cool Chinese game - a bit like a card game like poker except you have tiles (made of bamboo and bone, preferably) and a winning hand consists of 14 tiles. Anyway, we played one round (of 7 hands) - the full game consists of four rounds and minimum of 16 hands, and that's a bit too much if you're not fully committed. Dragon had a really nice winning streak as East in the end, but I won quite substantially because of a really nice winning hand I had earlier consisting of a white dragon kong, my own wind pong and no chows totalling almost three hundred points.

Another reason for going home early was that I had plans waking up around 3 am to go and catch the sunrise with Henri. I'm yet to see the final photos but I dare to say that it was worth it.

Yoga for stomach pains

I think some time ago I wouldn't have believed that yoga can have direct and immediate benefits for my helth. But I suffer from stomach pains fairly often, so when my teacher Pat said that Supta Baddha Konasana was very helpful for that I decided to give it a go. For me, it works like a charm - I even use it prevent stomach pains after heavy meals. She says it's based on the fact that your stomach area "opens up" in this position and gives your internal organs more room - the instinctive reaction of curling into a fetal position is the worst thing you can do. Explanations sounds fair enough, and whatever the reason it really has made life easier for me.

This is Helsinki

Outside Stockmann: the sounds of the South American band playing, seagulls crying and the trams clonking... This is very much in the heart of the Helsinki soundscape.

All the Gear...

I guess I've been in a closet of my own as I've never told about my blog to anyone I work with. Maybe it's because I want to keep my personal life and my work life separate - but in any case, I've now at least partially stepped out of it and told someone. So welcoming a fellow worker, a fellow blogger and a new reader of D/k: Woja. You can find his blog All the Gear and No Idea from the blogroll.

Happy families

J-Ko invited us for dinner last night, and at some point we ended up playing Alternative Happy Families (Hullunkuriset perheet) with gay and lesbian families. The thing is, we couldn't remember the rules, and the pack only had some "alternative" rules that we didn't want to use. So we started with rules where each player in turn picks a card in random from a chosen player. This didn't really work although I managed to aquire one family it took a very long time. So we added an additional rule that in exhange for a random card, the player whose turn it is gives the other player a card of their choice - this way it was possible to get rid of unwanted cards and speed up the game. This worked pretty well until we realised that pretty quickly people would end up with two or three cards when it was impossible to finish a complete family. So we added in a rule where the player could pick a card first and if they could complete a family they didn't have to give a card back (although even this rule had to be broken in the end). J-Ko ended up winning in the end and Henri lost as he was left holding the closet.

This morning I did a bit of googling on the subject - and the only rules I could find turned out to be completely different. I didn't really play much Happy Families when I was a kid so I can't claim to be an expert on the subject - but can anyone else remember if the British rules are really the same as the Finnish ones? And what is the relationship between Happy Families and Black Peter (Musta Pekka), if any? And which one was the game that we played?

Oh well, it doesn't probably matter, it's just that these kind of things bother me... But we had a really nice time, regardless.

Blueberries

I've just come back from a little walk around Jollas. I went to the local nature conservation swamp couple of hundred meters away from my parents house, and it was absolutely beautiful. Walking in the quiet forest where trees block most of the light and soften all sounds was so peaceful - these are the moments that I treasure as "Finnish" moments: there's nothing else quite like it in England. I met a brown hare that didn't appreciate my company, and found lots of ripe and oh so sweet blueberries.

I love Finnish nature.

Work party

Work party is a closest word I can think of to describe talkoot, but I don't think there is a direct equivalent. It's the occasion when your friends call you and ask you to come and help them to do a large amount of work they wouln't be able to do themselves, and promise you sausages and beer as a reward. In this case we were invited to come and help on the building site of a friends' house. Dragon spent the evening carrying several kilometers of wood panels from front of the house to the back, and we inspected the panels to determine if they were pine or fir and put them on new stacks. As odd as it may sound, I really enjoyed myself - the house looks fabulous and work wasn't overly exhausting.

Afterwards while Kalle went to get more friends to join the after-party, I sat on the barbeque with Hanna and we talked about life universe and everything. Nice evening, in all respects.

Monday Mourning by Kathy Reichs

Hours later I'd finished a skeletal inventory on LSJML-38426. The remains were complete save for the hyoid, a tiny U-shaped bone suspended in the soft tissue of the throat, and several of the smaller hand and foot bones. Long bones continue to increase in lenght as long as their epiphyses, the small caps at each end, remain separate from the bone itself. Growth stops when a bone's epiphyses unite with its saft. Luckily for the anthropologists, each set of epiphyses marches to its own clock. By observing the state of development of the arm, leg and collarbones, I was able to narrow my age estimate. I'd requested dental X-rays so I could observe molar root development, but already I had no doubt. The girl in the crate had died between ages of sixteen and eighteen.

This is the second book I've read from Kathy Reichs, and I'm still not sure if I like her books. Reichs is a forensic anthropologist for the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner for the state of North Carolina, and for the Laboratorie de Sciences Joduciares et de Medecine Legale for the province of Quebec. Funnily enough, so is the main character in her books, Temperance Brennan. Lot of her books seem contain large quantities of detailed descriptions of composed bodies and bones and carbon dating and this time also geography and history of Montreal.

That is the boring bit - largely I'm not interested in pages of detailed description on how carbon 14 dating works - just tell me you've done it and tell me the results. Also I'm not interested in the layout of the morgue and what door goes where -if it matters, just tell me you work in this room and the others work in other rooms. But Monday Mourning still wasn't a bad book - especially after most of the boring background work had been sorted out and what remained was a detective story, it wasn't a bad one. There were maybe a bit too many plots going on - two crime investigations, Tempe's personal relationship going to rocks, and her best friend visting because of similar reasons. Still, the book held together right to the end, and had me turning the pages especially in the last 50 pages or so.

Breakfast outside

Weather continues to be on my side. This morning we had breakfast outside, even though the sun was really shining only for the period we were there. Still, nothing else was required.

Finnish movies

The Blocks have been showing us Finnish movies this week, and I really appreciate this as normally I don't get to see any. First movie we saw was a short movie called Onnenmaa directed by Markku Pölönen. This is a sweet little summer movie with not much of a grand plot - it's about a prodical son who returns to his parents' farm from the city. The farm is now run by Tenho's younger brother and their father is bedridden and dying. But most of all it's about tango, and falling in love - about growing up. Well acted, beautiful and touching film.

Next movie was another movie directed by Markku Pölönen: Emmauksen tiellä. This is a weird movie - again it's about a man who returns from the city to his old home town on the countryside, but this time there's nothing sweet about it. Rane is not a nice man, and while walking from his mother's cottage to the bridge to catch a taxi back to Helsinki he comes face to face with lot of ghosts from the past. The movie is shot with a handheld camera and the actors talk to the camera and the audience all the time, checking details about the plot from the script. Some of it is funny, some of it less so. I know Blocks and Chu absolutely loved this movie, but for one reason or another I didn't really get it. I liked it, yes - I thought it was unconventional and well done - it's just that I didn't think it flowed very well. Some events didn't move the plot forward (like the blind man and his friend), and some scenes were maybe longer than necessary (like the meeting with the old girlfriend).

Today we saw Menolippu Mombasaan which was much lighter movie in all ways. It's a story about two boys who have cancer and escape from the hospital. Jusa is dying and has always dreamed of going to Mombasa - so the boys buy tickets with their last money and travel to north to pick up Pete's girlfriend Kata. Effectively it's a road-movie, and it becomes quite quickly clear that they will never reach Mombasa - but it's just a metaphor for dreams and things you'll never reach. The back cover described the movie as "hysterically funny" but we thought it was more of a drama. Joonas Saartamo who played Jusa was very good, but the other two young actors were a bit wooden and laconic - still, I've seen lot of worse movies than this. It was a sweet and a bit naive story about love, loyality and friendships.

Missing at sea

I think Jaana-Mari has outdone herself, again. The photoshoot we did the day before is now available on her site. What can I say - the photos are simply stunning. When I'm modelling for her I feel that I'm very much part of her vision, and she's very good at instructing me on what to do: how to pose and where to put my hands and where to look. She's just amazing.

What you can't see from the photos is that we were shooting on a beach with families having picnics - this photo shows the reality. This is the discussion we had on the beach with couple of 10-year old boys when we had finished shooting:

Boy: Hey lady, why where you sitting in the water?
Jaana-Mari: Because I told her to! Isn't she beautiful?
Boy: No!

Well, you judge yourself.

Day at Lintsi

I've quickly moved to holiday-style sleep late routine and I refuse to feel guilty about it. Today I got up around noon (for the second time), and we decided together with the Blocks to go to Linnanmäki to meet Janne and Outi (who BTW was just as nice as I imagined her to be from her blog). Day was beautiful and sunny, but very windy - especially in the ferris wheel (Henri took some really funny photos there while Jaana-Mari preferred to have her feet on the ground).

I don't like amusement parks that much - I like to be there as I like the atmosphere, but I don't generally like rides that spin or go fast... which eliminates really most of them. Ferris wheel is nice, except I'm not really a fan of high places either (I know, I just sound like a huge wimp now). Jaana-Mari convinced me that Octopus would be really cool so I gave that a go although it not only spins but goes fast too - and it was ok, and I didn't feel too sick, and I think I even enjoyed it a bit. I still don't think I would go again.

More photos

It's a funny way spending your wedding anniversary, dressing up as a widow and going to the beach on a cloudy day to stand in water and stare at the sea. Things you do for your friends, eh? Not that I can really complain about it as Jaana-Mari is a wonderful photographer and the set we did was pretty amazing - I'm sure she'll do her uttermolst to get the best of the photos to the net as soon as possible.

Other anniversary activities included shopping in Kallio, eating steaks and watching some quality Finnish films with dear friends. And sun is still shining, despite all the weather man's warnings.

Preparations

I've just spent an hour doing my ashtanga routine while Henri has been taking photos. I've promised to act as a model for him, and this is all as a preparation for a full set of yoga photos he's been planning for a while. Considering that these are quick snaps taken to see what works and what doesn't there were some gems - like the one there of me doing the Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana (click on the photo to see a bigger version). I like the way the photo is cropped - you can't see the whole of the posture, but he's managed to capture both the posture and my practice.

Forthcoming set will be an interesting one: it will involve waking up in an unholy hour to catch the sunrise - and sun rises around four am in Finland at this time of the year - climbing up to some cliff and stripping all my clothes off. As for the photos - not sure if you ever see any of them, depends on how decent they turn out to be. I have confidence in him though.

Finally...

Ok, it's slowly starting to feel like a holiday. Although I did get up first time before seven (before 5 my time), I had the brains to go back to bed. Second time I woke up around nine which is much more suitable time to get up while on holiday, and after some morning yoga my mom had prepared a wonderful breakfast with succulent Finnish strawberries (best in the world), melon slices and dark rye bread with mature Edam and Finnish metwust (best in the world). A long breakfast with interesting conversations followed, and then it was time to drag Dragon out of the bed as he was going to go and see his grandmother. I then proceeded in finding a bug in my parents newly furbished shower, which my dad proceeded in fixing (I just can' let go, it seems).

In the afternoon we had a slow walk to the closeby village shop with my mom, and we cooked lunch together. We stopped every now and again to look at flowers on the roadside - Finnish nature is so beautiful, and the climate is so mild at the moment. The air is soft, and it's warm - it's so different to what we have at home. I think it was on that walk back from the shop that I finally started relaxing and feeling that I was somewhere else, letting go.

Nap helped too - I just love napping but I don't seem to have the luxury nowadays. I was woken up by my dad builing a spice rack for my mom, banging on the other side of the wall. Still - it was a nice nap and I'm starting to get ready for the now traditional evening get-together in Blockila.

Mmm.... holiday.

Dragon has landed

The flight was over an hour late, but we have landed on the familiar soil of Finland. Kolibri fell asleep already (it must be the smaller wingspan) and I hum to some half-forgotten faraway tune to the birch tree outside my window as I start calming my mind and trying to leave work behind me.

I will dedicate my time to rest, relaxation, friends, movies, iron game, Samurai Warriors by Koei, Prinnies, whiskey, cigars, Finnish peas, Viivi ja Wagner strawberries, Lucha Libre, fillet steaks, books, comics, poems and (hopefully) parties.

Expect lots of blog entries for the next two weeks on irrelevant details of my life.

Leaving

When I wrote I wasn't going to pack as much as normally, I didn't really believed it myself. I mean, I've tried it before and it's never worked. Hower this time I really went with a conservative attitude, and to my amazement by the time I had packed everything I thought I was going to need I could close the lid without using any force. I must have forgotten something.

The bus is now leaving Portsmouth - it's going to be another nine hours or so before we're in Jollas.

Twisting poses

I wanted to get to the ashtanga class last night as it was going to be the last one before my holiday. Threre were only five people in the class, all regulars so Karen decided to do more twisting poses for me. We did Parivritta Trikonasana like last time, but also Parivritta Parsvakonasana. What I love about Karen's teaching style is how personal she is - she comes right up to me and uses her whole body to move me into position she knows I can do but just haven't figured out how. She twisted me even deeper to Parivritta Trikonasana than I though was possible for me, but there I went - I think this kind of teaching is very useful as sometimes it's necessary to feel what you're trying to achieve before you know what you're aiming for.

We also did Supta Konasana which I'm starting to "get", so I asked if we could do Ubhaya Padangusthasana too, which I then proceeded to do while others watched (it's impossible to find good pictures of moving postures like this, sorry). This is a really nice thing about small classes - if the teacher sees that someone wants to try something new, there's time to do that, and people never mind watching.

Still, I don't know if it was a good idea to go yesterday, considering that I should really have finished packing. But as usual, I was so tired I could hardly speak, let alone pack. So this morning I'm up before six to get everything done. It really doesn't feel like a holiday yet, but I guess that time comes sometime this evening when we get to Jollas, or tomorrow.

Maybe I should stop writing to the blog and get moving then.

Dragon folds his wings

Game released to manufacturing. Flight to Finland tomorrow morning. Two weeks of holiday ahead. Fine Cuban cigar and bottle of whiskey on my shopping list. Two and half years of immeasurable stress (courtesy of endless late nights and weekends) to work out of my system.

I will do my damnest to relax. If I know how to do it anymore.

On holiday

When the developers heard that I wasn't going to be here to hassle them for the next two weeks there were some broad smiles on around the table. The champange on offer was for another reason though.

But I've now cleaned up my desk (a bit), sent all the necessary emails and set the witty out-of-office reply. I'm out of here.

Kylmä tila

People are usually surprised when they hear that I love to listen to German heavy metal, maybe I don't look the part (although Gareth said this morning that in fact he could have predicted it, either that or death metal - but that probably tells you more about my reputation at work!). I've always liked almost all sorts of music, from classical to Kylie to Rammstein - couple of years ago Henri introduced me to a Finnish heavy metal band called Timo Rautiainen & Trio Niskalaukaus, and I've been a follower ever since.

Their new CD came out this March, in fact on the same weekend we visited in Finland so I thought I'd pick it up from the airport. No such luck, and they gave me funny looks as well when I asked for it. My second attempt to get the CD was when Mikki visited us - but since I didn't actually ask him to bring it until he had already arrived, it's no big surprise he didn't deliver. The third attempt was when J-Ko was visiting us - him I gave generous several hours before his flight was leaving, but the airport still didn't stock the CD and as you know he got me something completely different. The fourth attempt was when Chu was visiting us, and this time I was wise enough to make the request several days in advance, and faithful to her diligence she produced the goods.

kaiken tiedät, teet ja osaat
minua paremmin
niin minä luulen ja pahoin epäilen
te ette minua, vaan minä teitä tarvitsen

Te ette tarvitse minua is very typical of the song (you know and do / everything better than me / so I suspect the worst / that you don't need me, like I need you) of not only Trio Niskalaukaus, but also typical of Finnish rock music. It's very melancholy both in words and melody and tells a story about a man who has failed his family and has decided to leave because he thinks it's for the best

hän häpeää sitä taloa,
josta kaikki sai alkunsa
hän ei muistele vanhempiaan
eikä köyhyyttä,
kun pääsi sieltä

hän vetää suuria linjoja,
herättää pelkoa monissa
sanotaan, että hänellä on
tapa lakaista
ongelmat tieltään

So, the CD is called Kylmä tila (translated either as cold space or cold farm, either fits into the lyrics of the song with the same name), and while I like it quite a lot, it's not quite as good as their previous CD Rajaportti. Kylmä tila somehow more melodical, more mellow, and perhaps more mature - this is maybe inevitable as the band members themselves mature. I've got several favourites - quoted Hyvä ihminen (very Market Forces), Älkää selvittäkö (which hits the sweet spot when it comes to describing mandatory redundancies) and of course Minun oikeus (lyrics are good here too, but this is a favourite because it's probably most Rajaportti-like heavy sounding piece on the CD). It's good stuff.

Almost on holiday

Ah, I can count the hours before my holiday now. Work-wise everything looks good - nothing much left to do more than write instructions for other people, maybe do couple of installations and just generally wrap everything up. We also had some really fabulous news we've been waiting for, and can now start the holiday with peaceful minds.

Balancing

Despite the horrible weather yesterday, the asthanga class was very full. I love the Wednesday classes as there is a Body Combat class in the studio right before us and they normally heat up the room to a nice hot temperature - this time though there were only three people on that class so air conditioning had kept the room cool. Which means more work for us to heat it up - Karen says we should aim to get the mirrors steaming up, but so far we haven't been able to do it.

I had said to Karen last time that I'd love to do some revolved asanas for a change - so she added Parivrtta Trikonasana (Revolved Triangle Pose) to the set yesterday. I haven't done this in ages, and several newer members in the class had never done it - so it caused some giggles when people where trying to figure out what to do. I knew what to do - but I was surprised that I was firstly able to just reach to the floor and put my palm next to my foot, and secondly I was able to keep my balance. Pressure was on as Karen said that she was doing this for me, so people were looking to me to show how it was done! Balance has always been a weakness for me - I don't know if it's just me, but especially the revolved postures get me wobbling uncontrollably.

On the other hand, I've been really improving on my standing balance postures so maybe that's where it comes from. I'm really making progress with Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana (Half Bound Lotus Standing Forward Bend), and for twice in a row now I've been able to get hold of my toes - but only on the left side (meaning my right hand grabs hold of my left foot toes), but I just can't do the right side. It's interesting how holding on to your toes also gives you more balance, somehow grounds you - I'm then able to concentrate on the bend itself instead of trying concentrate in not falling over.

English anniversary

Just noticed: exactly seven years ago, to a date, I moved to England. I was young and scared as hell, but full of love and passion, and I firmly believed I was doing the right thing. I still believe it was the right decision.

Yoga blogging

How strange - I have two hobbies that are perfectly compatible but I've never thought of combining them: blogging and yoga. Ashtangi.net however has done this - it's a web site collecting together some information about Ashtanga, and not only are they offering webspace for blogs, they are also collecting together ashtanga blogs from all sources using webfeeds. What a fantastic idea - I think this is a perfect example on how blogging can enhance the web in a good way: especially when it's about a hobby many people are very much interested in how other people do it.

So far I've written only a bit about yoga although it is starting to be a big part of my life - mostly for myself as I didn't know anyone reading this blog who practices yoga. It turned out that some do - rannva was inspired and turned out Mindy is a reader too. So maybe I should indulge myself and write a bit more about the subject, maybe add D/k's yoga category to Ashtangi.net. Everyone else - hope you don't get bored.

Growing pains

It's becoming more and more clear to me that I only have few fleeting days before I officially become old.

Yes, it's the thin line between carefree life of a 20-something and responsible adult life of a 30-something. I never ever imagined it would bother me the slightest - I've always been quite content with getting older each year, seeing that as one of the most natural things ever. I remember the first time when I realised I was getting older: as a kid I was used to looking up to pop stars, and thinking that what they were doing was something adults did - and then suddenly realising that that girl over there was actually my age. Music was a big thing for me when I was younger, and I kind of always thought that was be something I would end up doing as a job, but that it would happen sometime later - and realisation that that girl over there had already done it. Realisation that it wasn't going to be me.

Now, without any warning - and this suddenly started happening about six months ago, I've started thinking along the same lines. So, I don't really consider that I'm going to be old soon (but neither would I describe myself as a "young woman"), it's just that I feel that there are now some things I can't do anymore, some things I'll never be, or be again. For example, I've chosen a career, for life - ok, it would still be possible to change it if I really wanted - but let's face it, I'll never ever become a professional athlete now. Not that I would have ever liked to, but that's not the point. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't anymore. It's too late. Or if I look at my body - I remember what it was like when I was 20 - I'll never get that back anymore, those perky breasts and firm buttocks. Admittedly, I'm working on the buttocks bit so I have a bit of hope there, but let's face it, the tits will never go up again without a help of a surgeon and that's not something I'm willing to do.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not wearing sackcloth and sprinkling ashes on my hair and whining about how life is completely unfair. I don't generally look to the past or mourn for things that I should have done differently. That's why these thoughts that seem to come from nowhere have been so difficult to deal with - it's not me. So I'm trying to concentrate on good things that are coming ahead, meeting friends and celebrating... if not the birthday, just for celebration's sake.

Packing

Anticipation is growing. Last week at work before the holidays has started, and at home we've taken down our suitcases. Plans for the holiday are starting to materialise, and I've started thinking about what to pack - and I always think that this time I'm not taking as much stuff with me as last time, and always fail. I will usually end up sitting on the suitcase while Dragon is forcing down the locks, and it ends up weighing several kilos over the legal limit. And that's just my suitcase. Some people are horrified about the way I pack suitcases - Dragon packs his half empty (according to my standards anyway). But it's all stuff that I need (like princess Vespa says: "It's my industrial strength hairdryer, and I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!") - mainly clothes, shoes, books, yoga mat and some gifts (note to self: remember to buy essential gifts). Somehow they will always end up filling the suitecase to the extreme.

But seriously, this time I'm not taking as much.

Market Forces by Richard Morgan

All over the world, men and women still find causes worth killing and dying for. And who are we to argue with them? Have we lived in their circumstances? Have we felt what they feel? No. It is not our place to say if they are right or wrong. It is not for us to pass judgement or to interfere. At Shorn Conflict Investment, we are concerned with only two things. Will they win? And will it pay? As in all other spheres, Shorn will invest the capital it is entrusted with only where we are sure of good return. We do not judge. We do not moralise. We do not waste. Instead, we asses, we invest. And we prosper. That is what it means to be a part of Shorn Conflict Investment.

Richard Morgan's Market Forces is a terrible, terrible book. It tells a story about not too distant future where companies can legally invest in small wars and openly wage war and make profit of other people's misery. The main character in the book, Chris Faulkner has just taken a job with Shorn Conflict Investment and is trying to cope with both pressures of the new job as well as problems it's causing his personal life.

But the greatness (and horror) in this book for me wasn't in the big details and in the conflict investment (although the concept is all too realistic and scary). It was with the characters: when Dragon was comparing himself with Chris Faulkner, I thought he was over-romanticising the book. But the scary thing is - he is Chris Faulkner, and I am Carla, his wife. Especially in the beginning of the book I could see us in the characters so clearly it was truly hair raising - I can easily imagine that if situation had work-wise continued for longer we might as well ended up with how Chris and Carla do. (But in case you've read the book: don't be horrified and think that our relationship is just like that, it's not. It just hits very close to home, just like this whole book does.)

It would have been easy to overdo the book - it would have been easy to say that the execs work seven days a week, never take holidays and are married to their jobs. But the horror comes from the fact that these people try to have normal lives, try to have weekends and dream of holidays - they try to have relationships with their wives and children and fail miserably... just like normal people. But like Erik, Carla's father, says - the cause for the arguments is not in the relationship: "You think this is about a rift between you and Chris, and I'm telling you it's not, it's about a rift inside Chris." The only thing that was maybe slightly out of character were the gladiator-style car duels that executives used to win and lose business deals - maybe a bit far fetched - but everything else was spot on. It doesn't take too much imagination to imagine Britain like that in couple of decades - petrol is so expensive normal people can't afford it so they are trapped in slums - called zones - while rich executives have motorways all to themselves and can speed up and down the country in their battlewagons. We even used to live next to M11 which is where most of the important chases take place. (On a side note - although it's never said explicitly, I belive this book happens in the same universe than Morgan's Kovacs novels, only centuries earlier. There are lots of clues - especially Nemex guns and Mars expedition.)

If you people still haven't read any of Morgan's books I can't stress highly enough how good they are. This book is no exception. Pretty close to a perfect ten.

With bits

Jerry Smith, the talented artists who is responsible for the graphics of D/k, has opened his website. Not much to see yet, but the main page has links to both his portfolio as well as that of his equally talented partner Vanessa Wells, both which are well worth checking out. The actual 'With Bits' site should be open to business sometime soon as well.

Link published with their gracious permission. Proud to know you guys.

No energy

Last weekend before the holiday. I feel that I should have done some planning by now, but I don't have any energy today. I went to the hairdressers this morning, and Vicky outdid herself - we chose a deep slightly coppery colour today which makes my hair really shine. We did the normal shopping in Cascades and Waitrose, and have been napping and watching documentaries about gorillas on National Geographic Channel.

Ok, I haven't been completely useless - I booked airport parking for the Toronto trip and considered parking for Finland trip (it's very expensive though so we'll need to consider cheaper alternatives, namely the buss).

Yawn.

Harry Potter news

Recently seem to have been writing about books quite a lot, and why break the habit. As most Potterites know by now that the J. K. Rowling has published the name of the next Harry Potter book, which is "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince". Apparently the prince in question is neither Harry or Voldemort. I don't much care for the title, but let's leave that aside for a minute. First of all, the fact that Rowling emphasises that Harry is not the HBP is surely significant. I mean it's quite clear that he isn't: otherwise the title would be "Harry Potter and Harry Potter", and secondly his both parents were witches. But underlining this must mean that this is a reference to something completely different - and anyway half blooded witches are of course referenced as mudbloods. No, I'm thinking more in the lines of Hagrid - he has been to see the giants and I'm getting the impression that this is going to be significant. Unless of course that's just far too obvious and it's someone completely different which is always possible.

And while on the subject of Harry Potter, the filming of "Goblet of Fire" is now underway. It's directed by Mike "Four Weddings and a Funeral" Newell, and is going to have start studded cast as always. Especially I'd pick out Brendan "Menelaus" Gleeson as Mad Eye Moody which is a brilliant choice, and the fact that Cho Chang is finally going to make an appearance. Film is due to be released in November 2005.

Karhukopla

DISCLAIMER: Finnish news, nothing to see, move along...

Luulin ettei tällaista enää tapahdu, mutta olin onneksi väärässä. On jotenkin lohduttavaa tietää että vanhalle kunnon rautasaha-kakussa-ja-köysi-lakanoista tempulle on käyttöä vielä nykyisessä huipputeknologian riivaamassa Suomessa.

Suomalaisen virkaintoisen pikkubyrokraatin loppukommentti on erityisen hyvä. Enpä olisi itse sitä osannut paremmin sanoa.

Yoga goals

I've taken up a habit of concentrating on one asana and setting a goal for myself - something in that asana I want to improve on. I think my latest goal has now been achieved, and I can consistently get my heels down in down-dog (even in the mornings), and it's something I've really worked hard on. Pat has even used my down-dog as an example in the class.

I think I'll set full Navasana as the next long term goal, it's something I'm really not very good at. This is a tough one, but the asana is currently in my morning yoga routine so I get plenty of opportunities on improving it. Other future goals will probably include asanas like Marichyasana A and especially C, and Janu Sirsasana and other forward bends. I find that concentrating on one asana at the time works best - if I take too many goals I don't do any of them properly.