Settling in?

Yoe wrote yesterday about an interesting subject close to my heart, about moving into a different country and settling in. She says the change hasn't been big for her and that life goes on as it always has done.

At first I was going to write that it was quite different for me, seven years ago when I moved here. Maybe it was that I had a very busy social life back in Finland: I was living in a shared house with about seven other people, and our house was practically a headquarters for a LARP and a Star Trek club, with all the associated people coming and going all the time. I tried to study at the same time at Uni (failing miserably), and work to cover the living expenses because the student grant didn't (mainly because of the aforementioned failings).

From that I moved to England to be with the love of my life, but otherwise to a social vacuum. At first, I didn't even have a place to study - I had a vague plan, and luckily it worked out so I started Uni here quite soon afterwards. But the social vacuum has never been filled properly, even now, and probably never will.

On the other hand I agree with Yoe - meeting numerous people from numerous different countries while studying and working here, I've come to the conclusion that people are people, no matter where they come from or what they look like. I know it sounds obvious, but really, it isn't, not when you are in a totally different place and culture and nothing around you is familiar (and I'm talking about Europe here - I can only imagine how something like Japan is). The moment when you realise that you've met another human, who is under the surface actually quite a lot like people you knew in Finland, things start to get better.

But on the other hand - I think that although there is the basic human layer in all of us that is always going to be familiar wherever you meet, the cultural differences often count more than you'd first imagine. I've really only made one close friend - outwardly someone I would have never believed could be special: a middle-aged man from Yorkshire.

When you first start to talk to people, you find that initial "human layer". But when you get to know people, you come across the "cultural layer", and it turns out that common language is not the only thing you need. You need someone who deep inside believes in the same things that you do, that has similar memories to yours and has similar ethics to yours. And finding that common ground in a different culture, even something as close to ours as another European culture, has proved very difficult.

But I realised that after several years, I find myself in a similar situation to what Yoe was describing: life goes on. You get into a routine - you learn to use little words like "please" in every other sentence, address people by their names, and look right when crossing the street. You get into a steady lifestyle with regular classes and timetables and doctor's appointments and Eastenders and life is good.

I find that it's going to Finland for holidays that shake things up. You meet your dear friends and you see their lives, and for a second there you remember how your life used to be and your heart is filled with longing to have it all back. Back home you feel sad and confused for couple of days, and then you get back to the routine. And you start to appreciate things that are better here and you know you would miss and you're happy with your life...

I know we'll move back to Finland someday. For a brief period last summer it looked like I was going to get a job in Helsinki, but the moment passed and I got a new job in Newbury instead. So for now we're here - I don't have regrets, I've never had any, but it is a strange life.

(BTW - I've been following Yoe's blog Shining Harmony Times for long enough now that it deserves a special mentioning - and a place in our blogroll.)

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